I don't want to push my son away but I am having issues with his girlfriend: Advice?

Talk to her parents. She’s 13 and if she doesn’t learn that this kind of conversations and ultimatum are wrong and borderline abusive she will just get worse as she ages. Id sit your son done and talk to him about what she’s saying. Look up emotional abuse and let him know its not normal or right to be talked to like that. Also lock his phone at a certain time of night. If he can’t follow the rules of your house privileges need to be taken away.

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Take the phone during night time .you gave your chance

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Talk to the girls parents 1st off! Second: take his phone at night. My sons have turned their phones into me at night since they received them. I charge all devices next to my bed! It’s a privilege not a right! We pay for them. Your son is way to young for this unhealthy relationship and with all the suicides happening since covid hit especially younger and younger kids committing suicide, it’s just too risky! Mental health is important. I’m glad your son is open with you! He also needs to get his chores done and keep up with school! Good luck!

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You’re all so bloody nice. Take the phone away, block her number. Be the parent.

If he can’t treat you with respect and her lack of respect is rubbing off on him, then remove the privilege.

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She sounds like a piece of work. I’d tell him to snap out of the additude and get of the phone or 2 moms will be getting together for a chat

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It sounds to me like the young lady has some issues probably resulting from her home life. The whole If You Love Me Thing makes me feel like perhaps she lacks attention from her parents and for her to be able to just not go to school also tells me they probably don’t really care to much about her future either. So in my opinion rather punish him for probably being the girls only go to/comfort maybe inviting her over and guiding her in the correct direction may help them both. Try to understand the situation a bit better for yourself and your son so you know what your dealing with.

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https://youtu.be/3_dr9y41J38 follow this story and watch with him.

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OOOH MISS GIRL. If you don’t call those parents and let them know what their daughter is asking for!! You’re gonna end up a grandmother!

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Their brains aren’t developed enough to say whats good behavior and what’s not. Find a way to have parental control on his phone so you can monitor and control everything without even having his phone on you. I have my boys set to lock them out at 9pm. And even at this age , especially at this age our children can be taken advantage of by other children. D2l.org

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1st of all if he could abide by the rules with the phone I’d take it away. If it is only when the phone is to be off the. Take it away at the times that he isn’t supposed to be on it. 2nd just a piece of info I got from a friend (detective) if they are send pics (inappropriate pics) and one or the other got mad or into trouble those could and will then be considered child pornography. They could get into trouble for this big time. I would set harsher rules and if he can’t follow them then take the phone away all together. Pushing him away Ian NOT a good idea especially if he is open and talks to you about things going on with her. Keep your relationship with good and open!!!

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Wow! What a manipulative piece of work she is. She is really damaging your sons mental health here and his approach to future relationships. Speak to her parents and take that phone. By the sounds of it he’s being easily led by her to impress her? Put a stop to it all.

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Be the parent ur not his friend

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I cannot give a ton of advice because my children are younger than your son, but I wanted to say one thing in order to try to help you put the girlfriend’s manipulative behavior into perspective for your son in a nice way that he may be able to really understand.
Maybe sit him down and tell him you would like to talk with love, and give him something to think on. Ask him if he knows that you love him, and that his other family members love him (but be specific). Then ask if he loves those people on return. Then point out that neither you, nor he has ever used the phrase “if you really love me, you would…” in order to make you or those family members prove their love to him, or him to prove his love to you or those other family members. Let him know that love isn’t shown because or when it is asked to be proven. We show each other love naturally, and a little at a time.

Hopefully, he would take that analysis, and really think on/through it.

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Kids/Teens notoriously “hate” thier parents :woman_shrugging:
I did…but the truth is I hated the rules.
At 13 (and even 16) i didnt understand why they were necessary in short my mom was seeing things i wasnt thinking or caring about.

It’s not only ok but healthy to put rules and boundaries in place especially in situations like this.
You have a lot of options. A lot…And you’ve gotten some really great advice already.
But I personally would approach things a little differently.
First…I’d invite the girl over for dinner.
-Hypersexuality in teen girls is often a cry for help. If it’s an abuse situation…talking to her parents could make things exponentially worse on her.
-its possible that hes wanting to do xyz and putting the blame off on her so he doesnt get in as much trouble
-this could run a lot deeper than just talking about sex, it could be a potentially abusive situation for your child.
I feel like observing them in person would help you get a better feel for the situation as a whole and help you figure out what the best response is.

In the meantime, take the phone at whatever time he’s supposed to put it away. Give him a warning so he can tell her (her reply will also tell you a lot). Put in parental controls (I like family link) you can block certain things since he’s clearly abusing the privilege to use them. I’d also start making the chores he’s supposed to do a stipulation for getting privileges.

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Little girls can be viscous. Tell him they have been known to get pregnant on purpose, and she definitely sounds like the type. As far as the disrespect, like everyone else said, anything other than food, clothes and a home, are privileges. I tell my kids… I love you too much to allow you to act like that or ruin your life.

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If this were my son, he wouldn’t have a choice, he’d not have his phone. Not only he not doing what he needs to be doing, but he’s doing only what he wants to be doing. Teaching the difference between a want and a need is hard, but possible. He also is being inappropriate with her, maybe not as much as she is with him. But, he needs to be sat down and told he has personal boundaries for himself also. I’d speak to her parents because it sounds like if you don’t, you maybe a grandparent. But, the harsh side of it… I’d take his phone until he can prove to me that he will do what he needs to do, learns to be respectful, and tell him he isn’t to be speaking to her simply because… she’s provoking dangerous behavior for a child that age.

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My daughter’s 14 and is doing similar dumb arse crap skipping school etc I don’t blame it on the boyfriend she’s responsible for her actions we punish her but the behaviour is still the same she has no phone now and is grounded we can only do much as for skipping school I’m gonna park up on the lunch break and catch her red handed and embarass the shit outta of her

Rather than say turn it off at x time, take it at that time. As to dawdling to school. tell him it isn’t your decision, the state mandates he attend and if he doesn’t, he will be in juvie with no phone, no girlfriend and no say.

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My son is 12. We have an app that kicks his phone during certain hours. Best believe I’d take his phone FOR GOOD. If he ever did something like this.
I take his phone for days at a time if he’s disrespectful or doesn’t do his chores.
My son knows his phone is a privilege and not a right. As is our Xbox and even his tv. I run a no nonsense house. I’m the parent not him. My children don’t dictate their own rules.
If I were you I’d take the phone and forbid him from talking to her. I’d damn sure not let him see her. He’s a child. Talking sexually at 13 years old is definitely inappropriate. If they begin to share nudes that’s child pornography. Give him a run down of how much trouble he can get into legally.
I’d rather my kids hate me for putting a stop to a toxic relationship than love me for allowing it.

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Is there a father in the picture? Maybe that’s what he needs. Some male advice/ influence.