I don't want to spend Christmas Eve with extended family: Thoughts?

Is it wrong of me that I don’t want to do extended family stuff on Christmas eve? My mother in law has been going behind my back for the last two years trying to get her way by having other family members do the gathering or having them try to quilt my husband into getting their way. And my husband both work full time. He works 50-70hours a week, and I go to school full time in addition to working full time. We have a 1 & 1/2 year old that is used to a very strict bedtime routine, which involves being asleep by 8/830 if not earlier. I HATE messing with her schedule at this age. When she’s a little older, I won’t care. Today I let her know that yes we will attend the Christmas eve party which starts at 630 and it a 30-minute drive from our house but that going forward we will be having Christmas eve home as a little family and will see everyone on Christmas day for dinner. She was PISSED. I am just trying to be straight forward and honest with her. I am just so frustrated with her and her selfishness! She gets the rest of the holidays. Why can’t we have Christmas eve as our little family?

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Just do whatever you want. Let her be mad.

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Put your foot down!!! Your holiday you both work long hard hours and have a routine!!! There is nothing wrong with seeing them on Christmas Day!!! Start your own family tradition!!!

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You are a young family start your own traditions at Christmas :christmas_tree:

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Do what is best for you, your child and your husband. Pleasing others at your expense is stressful. Allowing manipulation through guilt from any family member at any time is abuse.

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Do what you feel is right and appropriate for your family. She is pissed simply because she doesn’t get to have control. Too. Bad.

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Then don’t! No one should have to spend Christmas with people they don’t want to. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time.

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The following is taken from Rabbi Steve Leder. Pain comes in many forms and I like what he says about the holidays and self preservation;
"Pain is terrible, but it is also an invitation to change. Your suffering is an invitation to say no; and it is an invitation to find the yes behind that no.

So this year say no the holiday table and yes to serving others. Say no to the hellish travel required to migrate upstream for Christmas or New Year’s and say yes to hunkering down with tea, a good book and a warm throw blanket. Say no to the noise and the booze and the calories, and say yes to a quiet, healing walk with a friend who has also had a terrible year. Say no to the shopping and say yes to a charity that needs the money more than Amazon. Say no, I cannot be happy, but, yes, I can still be good and gentle and kind—especially to myself. Say no to pretending everything is ok, and yes to reaching out to the few who really do understand and love you no matter how wounded. To put it glibly but perfectly, the people who mind if you don’t show up for the holidays this year don’t matter, and the people who matter, don’t mind."

In all honesty have your husband speak to your mother in law. Your child is young but, it’s one night her schedule gets messed up. If it was something that you wanted to do you would do it whether it messed with her bedtime schedule or not. Most married people have to share their holidays parents on both sides,

The sooner you learn that the only thing that matters is you your husband and your child the better off you will be. It is about your families happiness in your household not anyone else’s.

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Take it from someone who has allowed family to dictate “My little families” holidays for years. Put your foot down and stand your ground. Start your own traditions and grace your in-laws with you and your families presence on your terms. If you do it now you won’t have to battle like I have for my child’s entire life. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty or be manipulated by family. It leads to years of resentment and hard feelings. Good luck and Merry Christmas!

Just ignore her and don’t do it… Let her be mad

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Edit year and a 1/2 old strict sleep schedules really aren’t well it is your choice. When she’s 2 and a 1/2 34 and up good sleep schedules are good. But this is all your decision you 2 are the parents and you can tell family members you’re not going to be there a matter how much you get gilted

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Personally I believe in making sacrifices for my family. If you can live with it, then there’s no problem. But at the end of the day I kinda feel like when we marry a person we kinda take the whole extended family too… tread carefully bcuz God willing your gonna have to deal with these ppl a long time. Pick ur battle’s wisely.

Its your life you get to decide not her

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I support the decision to celebrate as your own little family 100%. I’m wondering why the husband isn’t the one communicating this message to his own mother though?! It puts the wife in a bad spot & she will probably be viewed by the MIL as the ‘bad guy’ in this situation. I think the MIL would receive the same message better if it came from her own son.

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I agree with everyone’s opinions. I had a hard time with this because I am a grandmother and of course I wanted everyone around my house for the holidays but I also understand because I am a mother also. I put my family first over all others.

Hate holidays for this reason

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Time to grow up and learn to say NO , you and your family is what matters and at your child’s age it’s time y’all start your own holiday routine , but if it’s not to hard let her decide Christmas Eve get together or Christmas day if Christmas Eve is what she wants then be it go from 6-7:30 pm then head home your child can still be in bed by 8:30 -9pm then y’all can spend Christmas day at home for I found mine growing up and now my grands they rather be home to play with there toys without having to be drugged out to someone else’s house . Just remember there will come a day your mother in law will no longer be there so don’t look at it as control instead think of it as giving your child the chance to know her and your husband more time with his mother.

Are you an adult? Not in jail? Then don’t do it

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