So I’ve been having a battle with myself ever since my bf and I have been together when it comes time for special occasions. Birthdays, Christmas, valentine’s day, an anniversary that sort of thing. It seems effort is very one-sided. We have been together for a couple of years. The first year together, I couldn’t really do much for his birthday or Christmas due to circumstances. He got really down and depressed and borderline childish. Valentine’s day, I made his favorite dinner. The second-year however, I got him Christmas, birthday, and valentines gifts. It was not reciprocated when it came to me not even a thank you which I would have appreciated. I got him 4 things for Christmas, for his birthday I did a small party at home. cake, presents, favorite dinner, and some private time. He still seemed unappreciative and unhappy. I literally had to ask if he was going to open what he got. To this day, a couple of things still go untouched. Valentine’s day I took him out to dinner. I don’t care if I get material things in return, I do these things to show him love and appreciation. This year I feel like I am just in a slump with getting him anything. In the time we have been together, he gave me a bouquet of flowers and a 25 dollar gift card that he got from work as his “bonus.” That’s it. Anniversary days don’t exist apparently. I thought these things were supposed to be celebrated as a couple like a milestone in your relationship. I would go and still go above and beyond in every aspect of this relationship, and I feel he just doesn’t want to put forth the effort in anything. It just makes me feel down knowing that Christmas is coming, and I’ve already got him things that will probably just end up being looked over and left. I don’t want to feel unappreciated or like he doesn’t care about anything. So what would you do? Would you stop putting in the effort in those situations or keep going with there still being a chance that it’s going to be one-sided? I used to love occasions and special holidays, but now when it comes to him, I just honestly dread it. Advice, please.
Dont get him anything.
Ditch the loser,take care of urself,and look down the road for a grown man…maybe cruel,but damn,LIFE is too short!!..go live it!
Have you asked him why he doesn’t get you things when he expects them from you?
Spend the money on yourself and any kids involved instead
Have you expressed to him how you felt? Not that it always works but men need to know how you feel . I’m still stumped on what to get my fiance and we’ve been together for three years I know what he likes and what he doesn’t but I still get stumped too. Maybe he just need alittl e push if he still doesn’t make an effort I’d say that your at the end of your relationship
My husband and i dont do anything its always about the kids. Remember some families dont go above or do anything for holidays and others do. He may come from a family that didnt.
I highly suggest looking into the 5 love languages. It’s a quiz you both take online and it’s free. You will learn so much about each other. Not every one sees love the same. I hate gifts but I love help. My partner will do chores or stuff around the house to show me love because thats how I see love. But my partner needs to hear love. Like I compliment him. He takes that as love. Everyone loves different. You just gotta figure out how they like it.
Don’t get him anything and find someone new to share your life with, he seems selfish and entitled￼.
Talk to him. Get counseling. Why haven’t you discussed this with him?
“Yay! We made it another year together without breaking up!” That’s my take on anniversaries. Holidays are meaningless to some people, I’m one of them. I don’t know why, it just is. I doubt he’ll change. I’m 47 and haven’t yet. So you’ll either have to accept it move on to where you’ll feel appreciated if that’s what you’re looking for.
You have to talk to him. Be direct. Tell him what you expect and how it hurts your feelings. A lot of these situations would work themselves out if people just opened up. I personally am a gift giver, card giver, date planner, etc. I love that stuff. My husband hasnt really been like that but he’s learning what I want from him.
You should have a sit down with him let it come from the heart and see why he doesnt like to do holidays.best of luck with you guys much love
Sounds like you need & deserve someone who appreciates a relationship, which involves caring & respect.
My husband and I have never done this dumb shit. We are both adults with money and buy what we want all year long. As well, you should never keep score when it does come to gift giving, you will always find yourself disappointed.
If you dread the holidays because of them maybe re-evaluate why you’re with them
My man is like this. Been together over 11yrs and I’ve gotten flowers 4 times total. About 2 Christmases. Birthdays are almost non existent. Etc. Yet every Valentine’s, birthday, christmas, anniversary etc I had something for him.
He’s not one for those sort of things. I am.
We both are true to ourselves.
I’ve learnt to live with it.
Cuz I’ve learnt to look at the bigger picture.
My man will get dressed at 2am to go out in the cold to get me a burger cuz I happen to just mention, not ask for, how good one would be right then.
He’s the man that’ll stop for a coffee on the way home, cuz he figures it’ll help make my day better.
Or where on weekends, I wake up to a coffee that he ran out for.
It’s making sure I ate today. Or cleaning the bathroom cuz I didn’t get to it. Etc
He’s not one for holidays…but he shows every day that I matter.
So I can let go of that small part to enjoy the larger picture.
If your man is the right one in every other way…
Small detail or bigger picture?
Choice is yours.
If he’s not right all other ways…then what is he doing for you and why you still with him?
So this isn’t you being selfish. Seriously. I get it. I had a big talk with my husband this year about how it makes me feel when he scrambles for gifts last minute and he told me he’d start putting more thought into things. I’m hopeful that he does
Communication is the biggest key into keeping a relationship. You’re not a mind reader. It’s time to talk to your bf. Tell him how you feel, otherwise you are going to bottle it all up and explode. You don’t want to be in a situation like that. If he still acts the same and doesn’t want to change. Leave.
This is one of the main reasons I’m leaving my PITA again, I’m not appreciated & definitely deserve more.