Hello everyone! So I’d like to hear opinions and advice on this since I am very conflicted! I share custody of my four-year-old son with his father, and we are pretty civil with each other (most of the time). My dilemma is during the days he has our son, he will sometimes ask me to join them for dinner out or to some type of outing, and honestly, I feel uncomfortable about it and yet also so guilty! The reason I feel uncomfortable about the situation is that number one, I was with him for eight years, and it was a pretty volatile relationship which is why I left. We get along much better the less we are around each other. Also, I am afraid of confusing my son and also making his father believe I’m interested in getting back together, also the fact it’s been two years since I ended it and have moved on in a new relationship by now. I also feel a lot of guilt whenever I decide against going because it makes me feel like I’m saying no to a chance at more time with my son, who is my whole entire world. It hurts me so much, but I’m just so uncomfortable spending time around his father in that way. I feel like if the occasion is something about the child, it’s okay (such as birthdays or school events), but just a casual family outing? I just don’t like the idea. I think it’d send mixed signals. I don’t want to masquerade as a family with him when it never happens again. I’m sorry if I seem to repeat myself in this or it seems long and drawn out, I just don’t know what the right thing is, or how to stop feeling guilty about it. So, what do you all think? Thanks in advance everyone!!
My ex takes me grocery shopping and helps me with errands . Our boys know we will never get back together . If you don’t want to go don’t go your child will not think less of you . And what your ex thinks of you shouldn’t matter anymore .
Nothing to feel guilty about. Say no thank you to going. Let your son spend that time with his father, The End! If you’re uncomfortable, stop going. Simple! If the ex is doing this, thinking he has a chance, then nip it in the bud now.
All your reasons for not going are 100% valid
Doing things as a family is important and healthy for your son. Just don’t cross any boundaries and you will be okay.
My daughter is 29 - her dad and I split when she was 5. She has pictures of the three of us from birth until adulthood. Why? Because she wasn’t the problem. She was our child. We decided to always keep her best interests at heart. Follow your heart.
What was “volatile” about your relationship? Is your child SAFE with his Dad by himself? Maybe this is an underlying reason you DO participate?
You are right to trust your instincts. Just have the talk with your ex and let him know that time is for him and his son. Simple. Then you spend some girl time by yourself
Age of the child plays alot into this situation. And being only 4yo it’s too confusing for the child they don’t understand. Me and my daughters father are 10 months separated now and my daughter turns 4 next month. We both refuse to do anything with each other(I was abused) but even being very clear about mommy and daddy have separate lives and will not be doing things together. My daughter still cries wanting daddy to come home and be with her and mommy. 🤷
Just say you made other plans and they should have their time together
Um does he not want you to have anytime to yourself? Just say no and dont feel guilty. Hopefully he gets the hint, to stop asking
I don’t know, I feel it’s for your child not anything to do with you or your ex. Show him what a healthy relationship could look like even it you didn’t make it as partners… every once in a while isn’t going to hurt you.
Is your kid happy about it when you all go out together?
It’s ok to be just friends. Be honest and express yourself to your ex. That way everything is up front and he does know your boundaries.
first, talk to your ex,. tell him what the real score in a very kind and non insulting way,. second, talk to your current and let him know what your worries here and have a compromise with each other on what makes you both comfortable,. and third, talk to your son,. you’ll be surprised how understanding they can be even as young if you talk to them straight and reasonbly,. and tell him how much you and his dad love him, despite not being always present together,. I think there’s nothing wrong spending time with the both of them once in awhile if everyone is aware of what all of you expects,. and lastly, talk to your self what you are comfortable with and what you are willing to compromised and let go,. remember, communication is not simply a word, it’s there to be expressed,.
Just say no, dont complicate it. Your uncomfortable and feeling guilty. Dont do that to yourself. Take care of yourself so you can be the best you to care for others.
This all depends on clarity if you and your ex are clear on the fact that you are friends not a couple well there should not be a problem but if you feel that he has other motives than no. As for your son that is also a matter of talking to him and constantly reassuring him. You need to create for his sake a family and families do not always mean that mom and dad are a couple but you have to be careful because you and your ex can cultivate an excellent friendship for your son’s sake and when you have significant others in your lives they may not understand. It is not the norm but it is also not impossible. All this is a matter of communicating effectively. You feel uncomfortable and you must have a reason for it and you have no reason to feel guilty for saying no because the time he spends with his father is their time, you need to maximize your time with him.
I think just being honest with your ex is your first start. Try not to feel guilty because u really need time out for girl time when.your ex has your son go out with a few friends for. Lunch.or coffee.go shopping. Good luck
If you’re in another relationship, your ass doesn’t need to be going anywhere with your baby daddy without your man !!! Period !!!
Ask him flat out why he does. This is another form of co parenting, to spend time with the child together. If you are getting along during this time then you both are teaching your son how to act as well. It’s important not to completely separate yourself from him if you are able to co parent properly
Honestly explain to your son what u said in this post that u love his dad but not good for each other I know if I ever got divorced I would always love the father of my baby’s but sometimes people can’t be always together is what I would say and that u spend time with your dad and I’ll be here when you come back home idk🤷♀️ lol