I feel guilty when I go out with my ex and our child: Advice?

I would occasionally go-maybe once a month or so. It’s nice for kids to see their parents get along and it makes them feel happy that they can have a meal with both parents.

I hate my ex, but we are civil. While uncomfortable, we occasionally we will go out to dinner with our daughter. She actually recently asked if we could do it again soon because she enjoyed being able to be with both of us together. She knows there’s no chance of us getting back together. I think as long as that’s clear to your child, what’s the harm in making your child happy!

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If you feel that you and your ex can be friends and give your child memories of the two of you getting along even if you aren’t together, I don’t think you should feel guilty. I say this because I envy my best friend and her relationship with her ex husband. They are ex’s but remain the best of friends, they hang out, go out, live close to each other…they even did the roommate thing for awhile…but there was no romantic involvement what so ever. She is now remarried and her ex will babysit her younger kids and keep the family dog when they go on vacation etc…I’m astounded by how they managed such an amazing friendship after their divorce. She says it wasn’t always like that, and for the 1st few years he did want to try again…but she ignored his attempts while staying amicable. I look at those two with complete admiration now and wish we could all have that.

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If this did not happen when you were together then no need to start a new family tradition
You share custody do you invite him when you take your son somewhere ?
He needs to learn to get along on his own and with his own family without you there
if you are comfortable for certain large functions then that is your choice
Don’t be guilty or feel bad about your choices and if you feel uncomfortable then listen to you :ok_hand:

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Be friendly with ex, but out it respect for your new relationship, keep your distance

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Hes manipulating your son. It irks you because of that. Its to show him in the future he couldnt have been that terrible while muti tasking to observe you and irritate your mate. Watch your step.

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Let your ex know that you don’t want your son confused by spending “family time” together unless it is a special occasion such as his 5th birthday or a school event. I had the following talk to my youngest grandson when he asked me if Mommy and Daddy were getting back together, “Grandson, Mommy and Daddy aren’t going to get back together. They along better because they aren’t in the same house. They are great parents that they are able to get along so that it is better for the two of you.”

Me and my daughter dad use to take her to the zoo… where I take pictures of them 2 and have him take pitches of me and her, we also went shopping together for her clothes, which their was times I also take my son…we have gotten along so much better this way… I would just let the dad know crystal clear that you dont want him…

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Say no, and dont go! I have the same and I do not go along on outings for all the reasons you mentioned above. Just harder to keep every thing seperated. My ex and I have a great friendship and we co parent very well but when it comes to the time kids are with their dad I feel its their time and I dont feel comfortable giving them a false sense of family together. My ex also hasnt moved on enough yet emotionally.

Don’t go it’s just that simple , his time with your son should be about them . If it’s a birthday or school function fine . If you have a significant other in your life then it’s time to enjoy him when the child is with his dad .

You have answered your own feelings. If you are uncomfortable, that matters. Do not put yourself in any situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. You wont be able to fully move on and he knows that. That is why he is probably asking.

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depending on how you get on its totally up to you whats normal, my brothers father came and spent that much time at our house i called him daddy joe, it never gave my brother false hope, when my parents finally would do things together my younger one didnt get false hope its about been clear about it all mummy and daddy are friends children can understand that they are very smart but if you dont want to then simply dont but as a child parents only doing things on special occasions is crap you want them both to do certain things and your made to feel like you have to pick 1 parent over the other for the rest of the year

Going out as a family is important and incorporating your new SO’s is also important. It’s good for your son to see that you guys will always be there for him… but also that your SO’s can also get along and be there for him.

It’s hard and it takes work. But I truly believe it’s super important. That way the child isn’t worried about who to invite to what events, will his parents get along, etc, that is the kind of stress that children don’t need.

If you can be civil and do “family” things together, then yes I think you should. As long as you keep it limited for your relationship with the father. Healthy is the goal.

Follow your heart! You need to let it be known that the time you are all together is only school events , b-days, you say you are in a relationship now? Wouldn’t you feel that there is something else going one if you where in your boyfriend’s shoes that is also somthing to like about your child needs to also know that mommy has to live her life all so. I have two children of my own i raised my self it was hard they learn as you teach and explain within reason of the childs age. You are a wonderful mom NEVER let anyone say otherwise you are a mom that will do anything, everything you can for your child God Bless stay strong

My husband would never be ok to dine with his ex or even attend a party. Mind u… each experience is different. And it’s ok to say no. His ex LIVES to drive us apart…and it’s sad for the kid. She even told lawyers during court hearings that my husband still tries to “be with her” even though I was always there during “drop offs”

It’s all what your comfortable with. There is no right or wrong answer on how to do this. Do what you feel. My opinion is that I would only attend if it’s a special occasion. A birthday, mothers day or some celebration. Showing your child that mom and dad can get along is amazing! Yet, I can see where the little one can start to get confused.

Trust your gut and don’t feel guilty for something you cannot control feeling. You sound like a wonderful mom who loves her son, but it is okay for him to spend quality alone time with his dad too. So only go to family type appropriate events you prefer like your son’s birthday, and tell your ex that while you do appreciate the other offers, that is for just them to bond instead. All healthy relationships encourage some alone time, so use that time for you and whatever you need to be a better you.

Well if it was a controlling abusive relationship you should keep your distance in that sense. But if it was just arguing while together and nothing abusive. Then you should show your son that even if you arent together you still can be a family. And I’m saying this while I am on a camping trip with my husband our daughter and my ex and his wife her kids and my son and our two together. Bc we work to make it work for the kids. Changing what people think should he normal and being a blender family. Bc our kids come first. This isn t possible for everyone. But my ex and I see each other as family bc of our kids and they were priority day one. 🤷 It isnt always easy bc we sometimes have disagreement but we respect each other. I’m proud of where we are

Its not an attempt to rekindle your relationship with your ex, they refer to it as “Coparenting” and as your son gets a older and more inquisitive, you can explain to him, Just because the 2 of you arent together doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends and do things together with your son, and in turn, if for some reason your son has the same situation (hopefully he doesn’t), but if he should, then you guys will have done your part and taught him how to handle it responsibly. My exwife and i haven’t been together for several years, but we still do things for each other because we are friends above all else and those actions instilled in our daughter just how much we love her.

I think that special occasion is good. Anything to do with school etc. my ex and I were oil and water but when it came to our son, we put aside our differences. Every one was shocked we could come together like that. I would feel uncomfortable to go on outings. Let your son have his time with dad as long as you feel he’s safe. I hope it all works out.

You are still a family though, even if it’s your ex you share a child and that child deserves some family time, if it turn volatile stop, but some people are just toxic together and do fine as friends afterward. I think your kid is smart enough not to read too much into if you’re just spending a few hours here and there.