I feel like I am always stuck between my husband and my family: Advice?

Not sure if I’m the problem or my husband, every time my family comes to visit (they live in a different state), we end up arguing because he says my family is disrespectful. Two examples, my mom told my stepdaughters to help me clean he found that disrespectful because she’s not their real grandma and has no right to tell them anything in his house. More recently, my sister is on a long visit; I vented to her saying sometimes I felt unappreciated I do so much, and it’s so hard to get kids to help me around the house. She went to my oldest stepdaughter (without my consent) and said, do you love my sister because sometimes she doesn’t feel like it. Mind you; I never said anything about love. My sister took some things out of context. My husband found out and now my sister is a problem because she disrespected his daughter in his house. I feel like I’m always stuck between my husband and family when we all should just be family. Is my family really disrespectful, and I do not see it because their my family? I’m so stuck.

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I don’t think your family is disrespectful. They are just trying to get you some help around the house. However your sister shouldn’t of said that to your step daughter though. I think you as in you, your husband and his girls need to sit down together and come up with a plan to help “mom” around the house!!

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My question is where does the respect come in for you? You have stepchildren that don’t help you around the house and your husband allows it. Your husband is coming at you for your family’s actions. Sounds like no one respects you?

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I think your sister over stepped her boundaries but not your mom.
My SO and I have a son together but I also have an older son who technically isn’t my SO’S by blood (but he has helped raise him and is dad in every other sense of the word)
His family will absolutely tell my oldest if he needs to help out and they are around because they treat him equal to their actual grandson (my youngest).
They take both, spend time with both, correct both, and it’s 100% equal and that’s how I EXPECT it to be. He needs to respect his elders whether they fit the technical term of “family” or not. If you want a successful blended family then they need to be given the right to be your step children’s grandparents too despite not being blood.

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Its not “his” house, its your house as well. If he sees you as their step mom, he should see your family as grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles. They should be able to address things just as you or his parents and family would.

If he doesnt see you as a parental figure, you need to talk to him

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Omg. I wish people would grow up. Maybe ur husband didn’t like it then sit down like grown-up s and discuss it. I am married 44 years and believe their are times neither one of us like what someone has said. We go in private discuss and then with the person who said it and move on. Family is precious and life is short.

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well honestly it depends on the situation because your husband should have told the girls to help you clean. Yes your mother had no right to tell them to help you but also they shouldn’t need to be told IMO. secondly your sister was way out of line with her comments to your stepdaughter and needs to mind her business so your hubby has every right to be furious with her.

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It sounds like your sister definitely crossed some boundaries, along with your mother! If I were you I would just find another friend to confide in about issues with your husband or children or talk to them separately and try to work it out within your immediate family. Your priority needs to be with your current husband/family and not your extended family. Of course you still need to respect and love extended family members. You can still love them and set up some boundaries!Maybe when your extended family come to visit they can get a hotel or stay someplace close instead of in your house?

IN MY OPINION. what your sister did was wrong because one you should never go to a child about adult issues and two she was talking to her about something you confided in her and three she misspoke/changed what you said to something that im sure was hurtful to the child and untrue. i dont think your mom did anything wrong. i think it was great actually because she was in a more demanding way encouragen her to help and be responsible. i think it shows she cares and sees her as her own but thats all an assumption on my part as i dont personally know. i think yiur husband is overreacting for sure because y’all/his kids have the opportunity to have even more grandparents to love them.

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I mean i wouldnt allow my family to tell my kid what to do unles theyre watching my kid. If im present in my home and not telling my kid no or dont do that or help with this then someone else definitely doesnt have that right. I see it as rude. Your sister might have been trying to help but if thats how she talked to your kid then thats kind of wrong. And its your house also, not just your husbands. You need to be a united front.

Your husband should be making your step kids help🤷🏻‍♀️

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You are married, so your family is his and his daughters family as well. Your husband must man up and show his daughters responsibility. And you need to put your big girl pants on and tell your husband he needs to do better

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If you’re husband is upset about this how is he reacting around the kids when he does find this stuff out? Because id be worried hes saying all this stuff around the kids and his kids ended up having this disdain or disrespect towards your family too. But on the situation at hand. Sister was out of line but you were too about confiding in something like that to extended family. They tend to get more involved when they shouldn’t. But your mom wasnt out of line she should be able to tell her grandbabies which they should be, to do something simple like that… it’s not disrespectful and I’d personally not like that my husband is trying to divide the family directly or indirectly.

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I agree with Brittany Duke, This is an important talk you need to address with your husband and then involve girls when you have reached an agreement. He should be on your side and support you. Also in my home the husband does the same work I do, it’s not only one sided, he needs to do the same routine in the household, I do the same if yard work needs to get done and he did it last time, I do it. We take on all the chores together as equals and it’s how it should be. When those girls grow up they will not have this issue if they communicate and choose someone who will be an equal and support and help them in their life. This how you help children grow and choose the right people in your life. Teaching them to communicate and solve problems, but you gotta be on the same page about the love, support, and equality in chores.

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Your family is not disrespectful and your husband is also not the problem, neither are you. It sounds to me like there are two different cultures that are clashing. You need to be understanding and you need to do some explaining to your husband and your family. If neither side wants to understand and help you then your going to have to make some tough decisions and take some sides or play referee your whole life.

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He needs to tell his daughters to help you then :woman_shrugging:t3:

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I think your husband is acting like an ass. First, you two share a house. It is not solely his. Second, if he doesn’t like others tell his daughters to help out around the house, he need to get off his lazy ass and make them help you. He also should be helping you. If he wants to be respected he has to respect not just you, but your family and their roles in his and his daughters lives. When you get married you are family, period, step or not. I don’t think either your mother nor your sister were disrespectful. He needs to stop being a crybaby.

One he is dividing your family by saying their not his kids real grandparents. You’re all family now and he needs to understand that. Your mom was not in wrong by telling her grandchild to help out. Sounds like your husbands children are protected by him and you can’t tell them anything with out him getting upset. Your sister should have just left it alone and let you handle the situation with you feeling under appreciated.

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HIS house? Ew he sounds annoying and controlling. And make those girls help around the house! You’re not the maid of HIS house. It’s your house too and you can have your family there if you want. Honestly he sounds like a jerk.

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Sounds like yall all need to have a talk instead of everything having to go through u