Sorry if this is long guys, my fiancé and I have been together for over three years. We have a beautiful child together, but I feel like I’ve been in a loveless relationship since we found out I was pregnant, so three years ago. I try to explain my feelings to him, but he just calls me sensitive and tells me I need to grow up and get over my anxiety. I asked him if my friend could take our child for a few hours while I get a break (Haven’t had a break in a year) and he said that he would take our child to the park without me, I don’t know what to do. I hate myself honestly, I feel like a failure as a Mom, my anxiety has been horrible lately, and I feel so lonely even though we’ve been together for three years. I love him so much. I’m also 100% reliant on him; I don’t drive, no job (except stay at home mom) I feel stuck and helpless. Please send good vibes or advice.
If you feel like you are in a loveless relationship then he is not REAL. Find a way or make a way to leave. There is someone waiting to find you to reciprocate the love you have. … Kathy from Georgia
You can be a great mom and person on your own, take your baby and get out of a relationship that isn’t everything you want, you deserve better.
I felt this way after my son was born…turned out I had severe postpartum depression. Literally all the things you are describing I felt. I didn’t seek help for years because I didn’t know what it was. It only took 3-5 months of outpatient treatment at a clinic to turn around. If these feelings are overwhelming, please seek help.
I hope it gets Better definitely get help for the anxiety…you will go far just from that trust me …and start doing more for yourself…your not a bad mom for needing space or getting away now and then but the more you do for yourself the more confidence you will have !!! …you will also be set if you need to leave and it doesnt work out …but I’m sorry your man should want and help you do some of these basic things like drive etc…encourage you to get out there …if he doesnt …is he really any good for your wellbeing ?? I hope it’s not an abusive controlling situation where he wont let you do anything …but put all your fears aside honey a better you is out there ! wish u the best !!! Know your worth then add tax …these men do not have any say over us …we are our own I hope you have some kind of support over there !
So… you don’t want him to take the kid to the park?
You are not alone. My son will be 3 soon and I am only now feeling better. I am still trying to crawl out of what feels like a neverending pit. I am also a SAHM. Becoming more independent and finding something to focus on outside of being a mom has helped. Although it took me this long to be ready to try. Sending you positivity.
It sounds like you might have lost your mojo. You need to gain more independence with driving and or doing more for yourself and increasing your options and choices. Get into some more interests, hobbies, and start to feel better about yourself. We all are struggling with pandemic and isolation on top of everything. It may not be that he doesn’t love you, it may be that you are too dependent on him and he can’t carry all that weight emotionally. I’m not defending him, just looking from a different perspective. It sounds like you want to work it out. Maybe a counselor could help you work through your anxiety and you could get yourself feeling better.
Sounds more like depression to depend on him, i have felt the same so as hard as it would be i looking for jobs and a daycare for my little girl. Being at home all day long its a lot, and not interacting with people and just your fiancé puts way more stress on both
Remember we as a woman we are so different from them, the way they understand what we say, im not saying he is right calling you anything, its more in the part how they express or not their feelings.
Not be hard on yourself and if he can give you a break, take it and get your hair done or whatever and enjoy that me time.
My dear, I was married to my high school sweetheart for 6 years and together for a total of 12. We divorced because we were young when we fell in love and we didn’t know exactly what we wanted. Til this day, we are great friends and coparent just fine. I moved away and started a new life…I ended up getting pregnant with some guy I was dating…I am not one to ever consider abortion. I know my consequences that comes with my actions. At first, he didn’t want the baby. That was already a red flag but I continued to stay because I wanted to be a family. After he came opened to the idea of the baby he treated me well. It was when I had the baby everything changed. Like you, I couldn’t express myself… I was stupid for feeling a certain way, etc…I moved out and moved on…my now relationship. Dated for 3 months, engaged, had a baby, and now planning a wedding. He treats me well. He listens to how I feel and he never make judgments on it. He knows how to communicate without ever hurting me when we come to a disagreement. Trust me, when it comes you will know. I have never been so happy in my life. I get to marry my best friend. So please don’t be hard on yourself, you deserve so much better than what you are receiving. Take your baby, and go. Start a new life, if he’s involve with the baby, don’t take him away. Let him continue to be involve. But you don’t have to stick around for someone who obviously doesn’t know your love language. Best of luck. Your Prince Charming is out there somewhere. Take it easy.
So why stay with him. Why be with someone you don’t love… Don’t stay because of the kid… Leave him and take the kid… Stay single and move on.
We need more info to really help you here. As far as the relationship goes, I was in a marriage for 10 years with reversed roles. And I can tell you that it’s a lot more stressful than you might think to have it all on your shoulders. I would come home and have to shower and relax for a few minutes before I could even handle the issues in the house or play with my kids. Also with men you have to be specific. You can’t say it feels like you dont love me. Instead say you never take me out or you dont show affection or whatever is specific to your situation. Also I would recommend becoming less dependent. It feels really good to learn to be self reliant. Get your license and get out there girl. It’s a game changer. Also sounds like some post partum as well. Maybe seek treatment for that. And if you already have done or said the things stated above, he is gaslighting you so get out asap. Slowly work your way to getting your own job, car, and place. I sincerely wish you the best. It’s not easy being momma.
Why not let him take your child to the park so you can get a break?
Seek therapy for the anxiety it truly does help.
Know your worth, one thing I will instill into my kids heads is to NEVER rely 100% on another person. That gives them power over you. Maybe consider finding and at home job, (call center, insurance, Amazon) to make you feel a bit more confident in yourself anf not so reliant on him. Its tough but mama you gotta be strong and again, know your worth! You matter and mentally struggling isn’t good for you. I wish you the best and hope your situation betters for you
I would do some research on emotional abuse. The isolation and gaslighting whenever you try to bring up how you feel might be red flags
It sounds like post Partum depression, I have it and I feel the same way def seek help from a Doctor. It also doesn’t help that he doesn’t Validate your feelings but some men really avoid having to deal with emotions and I don’t by any means think that’s ok because it’s not. My husband was like that. I honestly would start with the doctor, second try and make yourself a little more independent if you don’t know how to drive I would say try to get lessons somehow it’s hard but your not alone.
before you just throw it all away… just check that you’re ok first. see a Dr. it cant hurt to speak to someone.
I take my hat off to you women you’re amazing. so strong. good luck
Need to love yourself 1st. Get a part time job, really does help the ego then everything will follow behind.
Find a good day care or babysitter , put your big girl panties on & find yourself a job. Or go back to school. …part time. You need to find yourself & do it now
Oh. Sweetie. If you can’t drive because you don’t know how to ask him to teach you. Then focus on getting a job. Maybe he feels you are too dependent on him. Maybe him asking to take the child to the park was a way of him offering to help you, and not so much him saying he doesn’t want to spend time with you. Maybe next time say I would like us to go out together, my friend said she would watch our kid for a few hours. That way you leave the ball in his court. If he doesn’t make any advances on it then maybe take the kid and go to your friends and have fun there. After you express how you feel. A few times and he still doesn’t so anything to change it then leave. I know that’s dramatic but if you express how you feel and they still act like they don’t care, it’s because they don’t.
I was in a situation similar to this with my son’s father. I left him almost a year ago. I was with him for almost 3 years. When we first got together things were great, then slowly things started going downhill. He ended up getting sick and got diagnosed with epilepsy. Which put a major strain on things. Within that same year I found out I was pregnant. With our son. He seemed happy at first, that’s when all the red flags raised and I WISH I had listened to them. He told 2 people our son was a mistake before he was born and I didn’t hear that he had said that until months after. I still stayed because he loved our son and loved me. Or so I thought. Throughout the relationship he was always lying and cheating. I would suspect it check his phone and I was right EVERY SINGLE TIME. but I still stayed, because he loved me and our son. I wanted our family together, and didn’t think I’d find anything better. He was mentally and verbally abusive, he became violent after seizures to the point where he once shoved me against a wall. I wasn’t hurt but I could have been. Luckily my son was in the kitchen with my mother, we were in the livingroom. I finally left for good in August of 2019. I had enough I waited until after our son’s first birthday so there would be no drama or chaos, a few days before he kicked me out of his place over an arguement. We were arguing ALL THE TIME. over anything and everything. It looked like we hated each other. Then, he stopped talking to me for a week. No texts, phone calls, nothing. In that time I met someone. And he gave me more of a reason to leave him. So after my son’s birthday which is August 14th (he will be 2 this year ) I decided it was time to leave. I met the man I’m with 5 days after on the 19th. And left my ex about a week later. And then after a bit I got together with who is now my current boyfriend. September 4th 2019. Almost a year together not one arguement, not one hurtful word has been said, and he treats my son like his own, 3 months into our relationship I ended up pregnant (I was on birth control and it failed) and our son is due this month on the 20th a day after I met my current boyfriend the year prior. Don’t stay because you love him, I did that and look where I ended up. Don’t stay for your child you can coparent. Don’t stay because you feel you need to because you’ll ruin your life. Leave, because you’ll be a better person for it! Goodluck love!