I feel like I am still tied down by my ex: Advice?

I recently split from my son’s dad in December because it was just toxic; we weren’t good people when we were together, and I got tired of being that person. But sometimes we message each other and FaceTime for our son. Our breakup wasn’t the best; he stopped asking for our baby for like a couple of months, and whenever he did the message, he would ask about our baby then change the topic to about how I found a “stepdaddy” or “someone better than him.” Ever since I’ve been nervous to talk to guys and felt guilty if I did, so I’d just ignore them again. I remember one time on FaceTime, he said he’d be upset if I got pregnant by someone who wasn’t him… which was weird because we’re not together. Why do I still feel tied down without the relationship? Like I get the child thing, but I feel like I’m not able to move on. I want to, but I’m afraid.

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Give yourself time to be you as a single person again. The first 3-4 months are hardest, full of doubt and guilt and even mourning the loss of what could’ve been great with your ex. Dec wasn’t so long ago. Rediscover you again, and what you’ve learned about why the past was toxic and didn’t work out. It’s hard. Good luck!

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You are not asserting boundaries. You are no longer together, and your separate lives are now private. Keep the conversations professional in tone as it relates to your son. When he crosses a boundary, remind him that you are no longer a couple, and it is important you each respect each other’s privacy.

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Pull up your big girl a panties. And decide how you want to be treated set those boundaries. If you haven’t gotten a custody agreement get it in writing my girl. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Take care of you and baby 1st. Everything else will follow…

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Try to stop being a people pleaser and do whatever makes you happy.

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You need to set very clear boundaries. If it’s not about your child together, you do not entertain the conversation. You are still tied down to the relationship because you are not allowing yourself anything else.

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I’ve been split from my kids’ dad for almost a year and even got into a relationship with someone else and we’re expecting, and my kids dad STILL blows up on me for being with someone else :roll_eyes: sometimes it just never gets better

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Been there before, was with my ex BD for 9 years and I broke it off with him. It was different at first to get use to but I was so glad and relieved I made the choice I did and have moved on to someone else and I couldn’t be happier. Not saying to jump right in but if it happens then let it if the time is right with the right person. However if you are just wanting to stay split then only co-parent and talk about kids and nothing else. Make sure he knows that’s all that needs to be discussed.

He is being manipulative and toxic. You should set boundaries. Like, right now what you need is to just only talk when it concerns your child. Dont let him drag you into conversations about your romantic life. If he doesnt respect that, end the conversation and tell him you’ll talk to him next time when it concerns the kiddo.
it will take time, and be difficult, but hopefully it will get better. And eventually down the line, maybe you guys can talk as friends. but is sounds like right now you need those boundaries where it’s just talk concerning your baby.

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Sounds to me you not sure yourself if you really made the right decision to leave him.

It’s been 3 months… let yourself heal why even talk to men so soon anyway? What’s the rush?

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It hasn’t been very long since you broke up. He probably isn’t ready to move on. But that isn’t your problem. Tell him if it isn’t about your child then you aren’t going to talk about it. Period. Don’t give him any choice. He is trying to control you. Stand up for yourself or it will continue.

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I left my ex over a year ago and he still tries to control me or interrupt my life. Just the other day he called my boyfriend to “introduce” himself because I told him no. How he got his number is beyond me. Some things you have to let roll off your back and others you need to stand your ground and be assertive. It’ll hopefully get better.

My ex tried all this with me and so much more he hit the roof when he found out I had a new partner and spread so many lies ,called police and social services for welfare checks you name it he tried it , it’s all a game to men and women like that
It’s just manipulation to try and guilt you to go back to him or to just drag you down so you don’t move on he’s stuck in a rut and hates it ,set some boundaries if he calls to talk/ see his child then that’s what he dose if he goes of topic you tell him straight your ment to be talking to or about the child nothing else you have to stand your ground if he continues to go on about you and your relationships etc give him a warning you will hang up the do it.
Also document anything like it sounds extream but you never know the lengths some will go

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Just tell him it’s over between you and him what you do with your life is your business

Get some counseling/therapy to help you reflect, recover, and deal with your current situation. What went wrong in the relationship? What did you do to contribute to the breakup? How can you recognize bad patterns/behavior (on the part of either partner) in the future? What are your regrets and how do you resolve them?

Reconnect with your true self before jumping into a new relationship and learn more about building healthy relationships, setting boundaries, and authentic communication before moving on to another man.

Keep your communication with your ex strictly business. Do not share personal business with him. However, did you try marriage counseling before you split up? Did you do everything you could to work on and save the relationship? Is it worth giving it a try?

You shouldn’t introduce any new man to your child unless you are sure they will be in your child’s life forever, or it will mess up your child when he leaves. Once a new partner is in it for the long haul (preferably with a ring), you will need to introduce him to the ex as you will all be co-parenting. Think now about what you want that to look like in terms of who has authority to do what, and think about how you want ex’s future girlfriends to be involved.

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Set clear boundaries. Tell him when he calls he can talk to his child or only about his child. If he starts discussing ANYTHING else, HANG UP. He’ll get the point after you hang up on hon several times. Also, don’t answer the phone for him the remainder of the day in which you hung up. Whether you’re seeing someone else or not, your personal life is no longer any of his business as long as it isn’t putting his child in danger. Actual danger, not his over exaggerated perception of danger. That’s how narcissist are. They want to control everything and make you out to be the bad guy when they don’t get what they want. Just pray about it and put your faith in God.

Tell him it’s none of his business what happens in your life since you ain’t together anymore, maybe only chat to him about the child from now on and everything else is off limits

Set boundaries and tell him. Only communicate/talk about the child. He has no right to say those things. It sounds like he isn’t over you, but you being this upset it seems like you’re not over him either. The only way for you both to move on is to only discuss the child. If he says anything about being upset if you were with someone else, say “this isn’t about the child, I’m hanging up now and you can text me about the child, nothing else”. You don’t have to talk to him on the phone. FaceTime is for him to only see the child. Don’t put your face in the camera.

Try to move on because it really just sounds like he wants to make you feel bad about the breakup, even if he’s (most likely) been with someone else. So he doesn’t want to see another man in your or his child’s life, and wants to make sure you don’t bring another man into yalls life. Moving on doesn’t mean getting another partner, but rather not caring what your ex does or says anymore.