I think my boyfriend of 6 yrs is the most amazing father to our kids; I really couldn’t ask for a better dad for them. He also works really hard for our family and is a great provider, because of that I am able to stay home with our children. I really am forever grateful to him for allowing me to never miss a moment in their lives. That being said, as a boyfriend, I feel I get no support from him. Since having our youngest, I have had postpartum depression and anxiety, I really struggle mentally, some days more than others. He is not as patient or understanding as I wish he’d be with me. I can’t talk to him about what’s going on with me without him mocking or making fun of me. He’s done it to my face, and he’s made fun of me to other people, and it gets back to me. Either way is equally hurtful. I feel he doesn’t love me like he used to; he probably just feels like he needs to keep our family together for our kids. I want that for our kids as well. I never want to have to split time with the kids between us. I want us both to be able to see our kids every day, and all be together as a family. I do love him very much; I just wish he was a more supportive partner. I want him to be someone I can lean on during any kind of struggle, mental or emotional, Someone I can tell anything to and feel safe with. He does not currently make me feel that way. I avoid telling him about anything that’s bothering me. I hold everything in because I feel like I have no one that I can talk to about things without judgment, and I know if I do talk, I won’t get any real support from it. Because of this, I feel a lot of resentment toward him. Other than how he makes ME feel, I do think he’s a great man and a good dad… I don’t want us to split up. I just don’t know how to deal with this either. I’ve been thinking about couples counseling; I just don’t know where to start with that.
I’m so sick of the “he’s a great man but…” No. No he’s not. And you just explained in your own words why he is not. Never “stay for the kids”. You’ll just damage them. They should see a POSITIVE example of relationship not negative. Otherwise they grow up thinking that that kind of behavior is ok and something to strive for. It’s not and it’s YOUR job to show them that.
Exactly if he inst treating the mother of his kids right then he isnt right
Try… taking to him. I went through a very similar feeling /situation. And I was so scared to just tell him straight where I’m at. But once I did. I felt SO much better.
Find a good therapist. Get yourself to a good place, and stop expecting him to be something he’s not - a supportive partner.
At the end of the day, you are responsible for you. Your mental health, and your well being. Don’t put those aside because you put your partner or children first. Take care of you, and you’ll know what the next steps are.
Sometimes brutally honesty is the best. Tell him exactly what you said in this post! Its gonna go one of two ways. It will hit him hard within couple days or it will show you that it’s not worth fighting for. Either way YOU are going to feel sooo much better knowing there was no holding back or nothing unsaid
I done it for my kids for over 2 years. Their dad didn’t want to be home half the time. He and I had to differ relationships, the one at home which was like roommates, and the one the public seen which we got called the perfect couple. After a while.rhe kids didn’t care if he was home or not and once they voiced that to me I knew it was time to walk away. Believe it or not kisa do pick up on everything feeling and emotions on both parts and will eventually say something.
Show him the post you just made and have him read it. If it doesn’t break his heart knowing that he is hurting you then he is not the one. What kind of person makes fun of their spouse or anyone for that matter for having any type of mental issue. He should be there for you 100%. If you can’t communicate your feelings then the relationship isn’t worth having. Your kids deserve to see their mother happy and they deserve to see you loved properly. If he can’t be good for you then leaving would be the only option. You’re not doing anything good for those kids by staying. Try to talk to him about it and if he doesn’t see an issue I would leave.
You need a good friend to lean on! Sometimes men just don’t have the same though processes as we do and you need a female friend who can listen to you vent
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Run now before u get even closer and the pain becomes worse
Maybe try counseling … what I learned from my kids dad is, he can be a great provider for our family, but it didn’t make him a good husband or father… n thats ok … now we live separately n i realize lookin back, I did my kids more harm than good by staying… js .
I’m just here to say that my kids watching their happy, healthy parents coparent PEACEFULLY (even though he still annoys me to death 95% of the time), in separate homes, is far, far better than watching their two unhealthy parents ineffectively coparent in the same house. 100%.
He’s not a great man if he makes fun of you
Find, first a good christian counselor. For you… you cannot change him…work on you…
He can never make you feel better about yourself only you can. Let me give you the best advice someone once gave me. Get up get a part time job fix your hair put on some makeup every now and then take up a hobby you can make something beautiful with. A man cannot control your happiness if you expect that you’ll never be happy. When you do those things and start feeling good about yourse again your relationship will be amazing again
Jesus. People in here are relationship executioners. It sounds like you are leaning on him pretty heavy to resolve alot of issues and that will drive a man away especially if on top of that you are asking him to support you a little more emotional and also with kids? Imagine if you were in his shoes. You would be exhausted. You maybe wouldn’t react the same way he does but you would not have a positive reaction to that. Also some guys are great but just tone deaf. Go at it another way. Try to pick his brain about how he feels about your situation without looking for him to help. Show him you are taking steps to address your issues so you can come back fully as a parent and partner. He will respect the fact that you are trying to do something to better yourself and your family. He is your man but he is not a miracle or social worker. Also he could be going through something too that hes not discussing thats keeping him distant. Ask him. You both need to ask honest questions and listen to each other. But be prepared for a resolution that does not keep you as close as you would like, for the sake of your happiness if that makes sense. Sometimes people think their happiness lies in someone else or in an image they have in their head and if they dont find it or its not available to them when they seek it, the other person is useless or doesnt care or deserve to be left behind or worse they can never find another way to be happy. You end up spiteful and miserable and resentful, more anxious etc…deepening the problem. You need more lateral perspective. You have to take what is best for YOURSELF and YOUR KIDS and run with it. Same with him. Vows be damned.
Counseling is definitely the way to go.
Maybe you two can get counseling sessions together
Mocking PPD is pretty egregious. Providing for the family financially doesn’t make up for not being there emotionally, or worse, being a negative emotional force in your life. If he already doesn’t have empathy for your postpartum experience I’m not sure there’s any saving the relationship. It’s better to have the children split time than to have them see him belittle and insult you. What does that teach them? To accept that for themselves or to treat other people that way?