I feel like my elderly MIL is invading my space: Advice?

My husband and I were recently married. His mother came to live with us earlier this year. She’s 80. We quickly realized she could not reside inside the home with us, so she decided to purchase a camper and park it next to our house. I swear it’s been a roller coaster of hell since March. She constantly manipulates. She no longer drives, and therefore, it is up to us to take her places that she needs to go. When she moved in, we set a rule that we would give her one day during the week and one day on the weekend to run errands for her. My work schedule allows me to take her places during the day of the week. But every time I go to ask her if she needs to go anywhere she tells me no she doesn’t feel good, she waits until my husband gets home at 6 o’clock at night and expects him to take her to run errands and to the grocery store or to the BAR. And then expects us to come back and get her later in the evening. We generally try to be in bed by eight or 9 o’clock as we have younger children who have to go to school in the morning. I know that my husband doesn’t feel like doing things during the week because he works long hours so I try to make sure I make myself available to do all the things that she needs to do and she generally gets 3 to 4 days a week because she comes with me when I have errands to run. I’m very nice and respectful to my mother-in-law and I’ve tried to set boundaries not only with this issue but also with my children she goes behind my back all the time and does things after I’ve told her not to I have rules set forth and I expect them to be followed when it comes to my children and our home. My husband and I have talked, and we have both tried to speak with her. When I try to tell her no, she throws a big fit and then goes behind my back and tells her son that I was rude to her because she has places she needs to go and I won’t take her. Some days I come home from work, and I just want to be home. I don’t want to go anywhere else. We are newlyweds, and I feel like it puts a damper on things. She’s invading my space. And something else I may add she lived in Las Vegas, the fast pace lights and casinos for 40 years. Now we live in the mountains of Tennessee. My husband and I were recently married. His mother came to live with us earlier this year. She’s 80. We quickly realized she could not reside inside the home with us, so she decided to purchase a camper and park it next to our house. I swear it’s been a roller coaster of hell since March. She constantly manipulates. She no longer drives, and therefore, it is up to us to take her places that she needs to go. When she moved in, we set a rule that we would give her one day during the week and one day on the weekend to run errands for her. My work schedule allows me to take her places during the day of the week. But every time I go to ask her if she needs to go anywhere she tells me no, she doesn’t feel good, she waits until my husband gets home at 6 o’clock at night and expects him to take her to run errands and to the grocery store or to the BAR. And then expects us to come back and get her later in the evening. We generally try to be in bed by eight or 9 o’clock as we have younger children who have to go to school in the morning. I know that my husband doesn’t feel like doing things during the week because he works long hours so I try to make sure I make myself available to do all the things that she needs to do and she generally gets 3 to 4 days a week because she comes with me when I have errands to run. I’m very nice and respectful to my mother-in-law and I’ve tried to set boundaries not only with this issue but also with my children she goes behind my back all the time and does things after I’ve told her not to I have rules set forth and I expect them to be followed when it comes to my children and our home. My husband and I have talked, and we have both tried to speak with her. When I try to tell her no, she throws a big fit and then goes behind my back and tells her son that I was rude to her because she has places she needs to go and I won’t take her. Some days I come home from work and I just want to be home I don’t want to go anywhere else. We are newlyweds, and I feel like it puts a damper on things. She’s invading my space. and something else I may add she lived in Las Vegas, the fast pace lights and casinos for 40 years. Now we live in the mountains of Tennessee.

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Send her to live in a retirement home…

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Tell her to call a ride

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This story would be short if it wasn’t posted twice.

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Two words-nursing home.

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I didn’t read the entire post. But I read enough to know that this sounds EXACTLY like my MIL. She was disabled and living alone, fell and broke her hip, so we ended our lease early and moved in with her. I was a SAHM so I was the one to take her shopping, but it quickly turned into an ALL DAY AFFAIR and my children were missing meals and in the car ALL DAY. It wasn’t long before I refused to take her shopping. Then, she’d also wait until the MRONING OF HER APPOINTMENTS to tell me about them. She’d wake me up at 7am telling me she has an appointment an hour away at 8am!!

Your husband needs to put his foot down and tell her no. If he doesn’t, she will continue her shit. She sounds extremely narcissistic and there’s no curing that.

I’d honestly choose an assisted living. It’ll cause added stress otherwise and make the marriage have troubles.

Why doesn’t she drive? Doesn’t sound disabled . Guess you don’t have Uber!

A bar??? Lol! Your hubby just needs to stick with the one weekday, one day on the weekend thing. Period. She eventually take the hint. Also, introduce her to Uber or a taxi company…

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My grandmother is 92 and the same exact way. We had to hire somebody to take her places and help run errands for her

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I think it’s time for assisted living

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Taxis and Uber are good options.

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Either your husband gets a voice or a retirement home

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Maybe I’m the odd one out. And I get she can probably be super irritating, but try and stick it out. She will only be here so much longer. I wish my Grammy was around to annoy me still. :black_heart:

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Assisted living or tell her to use a taxi/uber

Have her sell the camper and get an apartment in a retirement community so she can make friends and have her needs met and go visit once a week so she doesn’t feel like you don’t care but it will give you your peace again.

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She’s 80 and she probably wants to spend time with her son. So what if she goes to a bar, again…she’s 80. She’s probably lonely and feeling pretty useless, if she cant even drive herself somewhere. If you dont want to be out late call an uber. Have some empathy, she wont be around forever.

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Two things , how long do you expect her to live based on her health? If she is nearing the end soon just bare with it but if this is a one two or more year thing then make other plans.

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She’s 80… And I bet it’s hard giving up all of your freedom and being forced to only be able to do things once of twice a week.

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Pretty sure she was feeling the same way in her younger years while raising your husband. Working, feeling tired, driving her son where he needed to go. Sounds like the time has come where the roles have been reversed. Your hubby needs to suck it up and help his mother out like she did for him, many many times before. When she passes away, he’ll feel different about all this, trust me.

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