I feel like my fiance is too hard on my adult son: Advice?

I have devoted my life to my three sons whom I affectionately call my son shines. After their father abandoned them, I gladly stepped up, and the world revolved around my son shines. I didn’t date or have a social life, because any spare time I had was quality time with them. In 2015 I was diagnosed with Chondrosarcoma (bone cancer), and I had no support. My oldest son sacrificed a lot to get me to treatment and was retained for multiple absences. Gradually I improved and returned to work. My son applied himself and has a 4.0 GPA now, with a very promising future. As my sons became young adults, they all got into relationships, and I was supportive. These young ladies were like my daughters, and they were welcome at any time. In March 2018, I fell in love unexpectedly, and he had a son who’s mother abandoned him. I was receptive and have taken care of his son as my own. So we became a blended family, and I was certain that I had found my happiness and accepted his proposal of marriage. My oldest is now 19, has chosen a Military career despite scholarships, and he is Company Commander, a Raider, Captain of the rifle team, and has exceeded in school. My fiance implies that my sons a burden and should be contributing financially. All four boys are old enough to work technically, but education is a top priority. I’ve explained to my fiance that especially my oldest has sacrificed a lot and is paying for his college education himself. In less than a year, my son will leave to begin the next stage of adulthood, and he’s accomplished a lot. Also, their friends or girlfriends aren’t welcome like before. I love the gatherings, several children saying thank you, Mama, as they eat, and I’m not the type to ever turn anyone away. Plus, his son has destructive behavioral problems and even slit my tires, but I still embrace him. I truly love my fiance, but I fear his resentment for my son is ending our relationship. My fiance insists that his criticism is well intended to make my son responsible. I feel that these few precious months of freedom are something my son deserves, and I’m proud of him. I feel like my fiance hates him, or maybe I’m just defensive over my son and not willing to hear any negativity.

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Your sons are now adult men. Now it’s your time.

Go with your gut and motherly intuition :ok_hand:t3:

As long as you heard his side and respect it he should hear yours AND RESPECT IT :heart:

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Seems your fiancé is a little Jealous…Gosh- sad that would happen - but it does…DO WHAT EVER YOU WANT…LOVE YOUR SONS AND KEEP SMILING!! IT WILL WORK OUT_ EITHER WAY…YOUR GOING TO BE OK!!! HUGS!!

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Your son learned to be responsible when he took care of you and sacrificed what he needed to. Your fiance needs to keep his mouth shut in my opinion. Your oldest is on the right path and knows what he wants and is going after it. You might need to have a little heart to heart about the effects of his actions to your relationship as well as his own son’s actions.

I ended up divorced Over this reason and I’m afraid my new boyfriend feels the same way all I can say is your kids came before your man and they are not a choice he is

Your son IS responsible!!! At the end of the day, you have to be with him, you have to decide whether this is a deal breaker or not.

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Stand your ground, you will regret it if not.

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Wow. What a struggle of a situation. You have overcome so much to get to where you are!!

Please consider to think on your relationships… perhaps your romantic partner feels threatened by your bonds with your sons. Trust your gut. You know what your soul needs. Validate your instincts.

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Oh my gosh, your fiance is very selfish. You sound like a wonderful person who deserves the best. I dont think I could have a man like that. Nor would I want his son and his issues. Marry this man and you will always be making excuses for your sons. There are better out there hon.

So he’s isolating you… no. Stop it now and run.

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it’s either you choose your children or continue in this toxic relationship

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All I see now are these Fan Questions in my feed.

Tell your fiance and his psycho son to take a hike. Really, he slit your tires?? You did fine with your son’s. This shouldn’t even be a question. Get rid of them before they do you all harm

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I hope you didn’t actually marry this controlling dude! He doesn;t sound very lovable at all to me and you deserve so much better as do your sons. I wish you alot of luck and hope things work out the way you want them to. You are so Not being defensive. His son sounds like a hood whose behavior will only get worse probably before, if ever, it gets better. Sorry for negative opinion but I got the impression you wanted to hear what people were thinking as far as your decision.

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Seems like this man literally changed how your home used to be…

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I would run out of there asap. You have raised your son he doesn’t need a daddy. Definitely overstepping his boundaries

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Wow…i have 3 adult kids, 2 girls and a boy. My boyfriend has 2 adult boys. I cant imagine either of us treating each others kids like that. His boys are like mine, we have had disagreements but id give my life for them. My boyfriend has been so good to my kids too. Treating your son wrong wont make him grow up. Id tell him to stop and stick to it. Put your foot down. His son is slashing tires, yours wants a lil bit of freedom before the miitary takes it… he needs to worry about his and not yours. Put your foot down and be tough about it.

When people show you. Please believe them. Your sons sound like responsible good men! He sounds jealous and envious of your children! To toxic!

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I agree with Krystal Nicole on this he is in the beginning of isolating you. You need to run.

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