I feel like my husband cheated in a way: Advice?

I know men watch porn. After having a baby, it’s tough to come to terms with and know that they’re looking at another woman who is much skinnier and can get themselves together. I’m a stay-at-home mom and this is the hardest “job” I’ve ever had to do, and I’ve worked many jobs. I can’t get myself ready every day when I have a baby, constantly wanting my attention. My husband watches porn, and I know he does. He started paying for it though a few months back, and I saw it on our account. I was not happy. I addressed it, but I just found out recently that the girl he was paying to see was someone he knows/knew. He went to high school with her but claimed he never spoke with her. He has her on other social media websites, and that’s how he found her. He has admitted she’s attractive in our argument, and duh, he has to in order to get off to her, I guess. This bothers me so much, and I’m not sure what to do. It’s hard for me to want sex because all I can think about is her. Am I crazy? Am I overdramatic? Has this happened to anyone else? I feel like I’ve been cheated on without them physically touching each other. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. Again, I had a baby a year ago and am pregnant with my second. If your wife doesn’t feel comfortable in her skin, shouldn’t that be a priority over another woman? Was this cheating?

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If it crosses an established boundary in the relationship, then yes it is cheating. Cheating doesn’t have to be physical. Also I feel like the fact that he’s paying to get off to someone he knows in real life is a whole other issue. He definitely should be giving you attention and not neglecting you and your needs to give his attention to another woman, especially one that he knows in real life.

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If he stepped out in any way it’s cheating. He admitted to being attracted to her but doesn’t even help to make you feel good. As they say he got out of the car on your relationship. What’s next the actual physical? He does not respect you or your child. Porn can be a really crazy addiction for some.

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If hes using the money from joint account meant for food and Bill’s yep! And also if he knew her that crosses a line. Because it’s not some random bit of fun, free porn maybe but paying and someone he knew is wrong

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Oh hell no I would NOT be okay with that. He’d be shutting it allll down. Or else I’d be gone. It’s hard enough bringing a baby into the world and figuring out motherhood and loving your new body after so many changes but to feel like your husband is mentally cheating with another woman? Heck no. My BD verbally cheated on me when my daughter was 6 weeks old, telling other girls at work he was attracted to them etc and I felt the same way that you do. And now I know it’s absolutely not okay. You deserve better. And telll him that!

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Well my man watches porn and I get mad but he’s never payed for it or found someone he knew personally so this is a different level of just porn watching

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I think the personal connection of knowing her is probably the hardest part to read. Because yes, he can make that emotional connection the person because of the past. I am so sorry that you are having to feel these feelings and let me tell you that you are not alone. So many women feel invalidated daily because of the desensitization that porn brings to men. If you truly love this man and vice versa, a change must happen. Maybe voice that you would love to spice things up in your relationship and ask how you could do that for him.

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Personally, I would be pissed off if I found out my husband was paying for porn. Porn is apart of men and women’s lives but I feel that paying for it when there is so much free material out there, steps over the line of just using it to knock one out. The fact that he knew the person is an issue as well.

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Man any “man” paying for porn is a whole loser :joy::woman_shrugging:t3:

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I personally wouldnt care just as he wouldnt care if it was me doing it. But what works for one relationship may not work in others. You dont need anyone to valodate your feelings, they are yours. The best thing is communicate with each other and set boundries.

Only you can decide if that’s cheating for your own relationship. Some consider watching it cheating, some consider paying for it cheating.

For me, paying for it would be a huge issue. Especially paying to see someone you know. Your feelings are your own and no one can tell you that they are wrong because they are yours. You need to sit and think about why you consider it’s cheating, think about how to express how you’re feelings into words, and talk to your husband about it. If that’s how it makes you feel, he needs to stop. Period. He needs to make you feel loved and sexy.

You also need to realize that your body won’t change overnight, so if you feel uncomfortable with your body, you also need to work on it and that takes time.

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Yes you should be 100 his priority. He has def crossed a thin line.

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Porn is one thing and to me not an issue - the issue is this is a person he actually knows this is out and out disrespectful and I wouldn’t be happy at all

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That’s cheating don’t put up with it tell him knock it off that’s not fair to you that’s very disrespectful to you

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Gurl get you self ready ! Even if it takes wen baby’s is napping ! I just had a baby as well and it’s been the hardest to do me … But I get ready wen he’s napping … and it’s a mission to get ready … but never loose that sexiness in you ! Cux you still got it !

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Not necessarily CHEATING, but still a practice I wouldn’t be comfortable with. Porn is porn, I watch it, almost all men do, its never bothered me. But paying for porn of someone you know? It’s doing too much. Absolutely not. Millions of videos at your fingertips for free of women and men every shape and size, there is something a lot deeper than “just porn” that he would go out of his way to pay for this certain specific girl he knows, even if he hasn’t seen her for years. If you condone this, it’s opens the door and pushes boundaries for more serious shit. You can try to talk it out, but at the end of the day, people are gonna do what they wanna do. It’s your choice if you want to play Russian roulette like that. I, personally, would leave.

Personally I would NOT be ok with that. Watching free porn occasionally is one thing, paying for someone you knows nudes/videos…is an entirely different thing in my book. To me, that is crossing a boundary and being very disrespectful. I would not put up with that girl. (Could make your guys own porns for him to watch also :woman_shrugging:t4: that’s a confidence boost too :wink: )

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I personally couldn’t handle that situation.

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You should be paying attention to you not other women

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He would be missing teeth, because I would hit him in the mouth, with a ball bat.

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