I love my husband but I feel like I’m talking until I’m blue in the face asking for help with some basics. I feel like I have 2 kids and a teenager here at home a lot of the time. He does work hard and does help some but I feel like he does it when he wants, not necessarily when it needs it; he mostly sleeps and plays video games when he is home. Idk what to do. I’m not a fan of divorce and neither is he but I also don’t feel like he is trying. But I also idk.
I went through divorce and it was an absolute nightmare try marriage counseling
How old are the kids? Do you work? And what is it that he won’t help with?
Video games are the virtual problem ladies.
Join the club… my hubs is the same way. Sometimes you just have the bite the bullet and do it yourself. No reason to make yourself miserable by making expectations for him. Ask him 1 time and if he doesnt acknowledge you or help then get around to it when you get to it. Ive started this with my husband and he starts to feel bad when im stressed out doing what Ive asked of him. But it doesnt change. Dont have expectations and enjoy the little that he WILL do.
If kids old enough to pick up their toys.they can help you with simple things around the house. My granddaughter is 6 she loves helping me with simple things. Cause my husband works long hrs. I dont ask him do to much. But I when I do he will help out some.
Stop doing his laundry, seriously…keep up on what you and the kids need. Don’t think for a second it’s ok for you to run yourself ragged from sun up to sun down. That makes for a pissed off, angry mom. Builds resentment and shows the kids that it’s “womens work”. Yes, he works…but if he were a single man he would still have to work and then handle everything else.
My husband does the exact same thing since he works his few hours a day I do everything for him and our kids mind u if his gaming system had a vagina he wouldn’t need me sorry to say but how it is I get no attention neither do kids I have to beg for help with anything round house
I believe that women evolve more than men. I believe that we mature and desire to change and grow into a different, better version of ourselves. That being said, I don’t believe you need to throw your whole marriage away. It seems like there are roles in your marriage, you the home caretaker, he is mostly the one to work. Maybe in the beginning this worked for you and you even seemed happy to take care of things but now not so much. Try changing your role. Maybe there is some self inventory that you need to do to see what is making you feel incomplete. Next, I think you need to sit down with your husband and talk about each other’s expectations. Expectations not being met I believe is one of the main causes of divorce. The husband thinks wife is nagging when she is frustrated and the wife thinks the husband doesn’t value her because he can’t help her with the basics. If you see your husband as another child, you will lose respect towards him and start resenting, marriage killer #2. Sit down with your husband and each of you write what you each expect. If you give your husband a list of 10 things you expect from him, he has to be honest and tell you if he can meet them or not. If he says he simply cannot do one or two things on your list, then try to compromise but also validate his feelings and honesty if he says no. If He is telling you flat out what he is not willing to do and he is not willing to compromise, then you need to determine how important that is to your marriage. Divorce does not guarantee happiness or that you will meet another man who will fully meet your expectations. Only you know if your marriage is worth salvaging but it shouldn’t be put on the table just yet. There’s a ton of steps from where you are til you get to divorce, including separation. As hard as this might sound, if you’re willing to put your kids through custody agreements and visitation schedules, you both should really try to see eye to eye. Good luck
Men seem to put a lot of the mental load on women as well as the domestic at home load which is not fair and it wears on the mom then she becomes agitated and depressed bc men are like, all you have to do is ask well how about offering since this is your house and kids as well? I have to get angry and gripe in order to light a fire up mine’s butt and that sucks. I have no good advice. Just gripe and gripe is what works in my house and it gets better with time.
Yes this is how I feel. Though I’m not exactly married but common law for 8 years.
It’s the video games… they get so distracted and into the games they act like little boys and don’t do nothing else. That’s why I do not allow video games in my household. My husband plays the Wii with our daughter every once in awhile, but I won’t allow any PlayStation or Xbox or whatever new thing is coming out into the house. Because that’s how men are they act like little boys when it comes to their games, they have to be told what to do and when to get off the game. It’s like raising a grown ass man. Get rid of the video games and most people’s relationships would be a lot better! And if he isn’t willing to do that then that should tell you where you stand in your relationship…
Tell him to put down the game console, you married him for a partnership and he’s not pulling his weight. Be honest or be miserable, asking him to do his share is not a reason for divorce.
Some of these comments be grateful for what he does… WTF ladies… give and take not give till you break xxx good luck
I read a book, the proper care and feeding of marriage. I have the best husband.
I’ve been with my husband 12yrs married just about a month ago. He works 7days a week which I’m grateful bc I can be home with our kids. I take care of them and the house but when I’m feeling overwhelmed he steps in. Maybe talk to him first.
You are fed up. It will never get better. Weigh his contributions against his detriment. If you still decide to keep him, you’ll have to be his mommy. He failed to launch.
Hide his game controllers and tell him you will look for it as you clean up
Stop doing everything for him focus on you and the kids
Put a lock on the game console cord. You do what you have to do to get their attention.
When my partner does this I have a go, tell him I’m leaving if he doesn’t help out more. And threaten to throw the blood game console away. It’s usually a day without talking but next day he wont touch the game console, he’ll make the kids dinner when he gets home from work and help me tidy the days mess… it lasts a few days, if it’s the day before his day off I even get a lie in and he tidies up for me. Sometimes you just need to let them know how you feel for them to appreciate what you do and step up for a bit. We have 3 children all the time and his 4 on top 50% of the time so housework gets hectic and I just cant seem to keep up. I understand he works, but I didn’t have children with him to raise them alone and I’m not a maid. I do most of it, it doesnt hurt him to help when he can