You deserve to be happy every day you spend on this unhappy relationship will never come back, it’s hard for people to change, have some pride in yourself, love yourself the relationship cannot be one sided.
Could it be mid life crisis? Don’t jump to bad conclusions first,talk,have a family meeting put your feelings out there
You need to grieve before you let emotions make big decisions for you…
I believe in trusting those gut feelings but I also have learnt the hard way that you shouldn’t make long term decisions when your in a emotional state…
Do what’s right for you but allow yourself to grieve accordingly first
Sis,grieve .Get it out .Think .His behavior is secondary to your health.
Next ,try to have a talk with him.Note try. Talk about your feelings. If that cannot be achieved for peace of mind start putting yourself in the way to a move.Life is precious . It is short. Never waste it on what is not good for you
I know what you are going through a year ago November i moved out and left my husband after 13 years of marriage due to him being unfaithful all the signs were there stopped talking to me stopped sleeping with me and would be real sneeky with his phone so i called my husband out on it and to this day he still denies being unfaithful but i have proof he still says this was my fault and iam the one who wrecked our marriage so dont let him belittle you and make you feel like you are nothing my divorce was finally fina thus January 7th 2021 due to the covid and the court systems in my state it still hurts but i wont let no man treat me this way again
Even if hes not sounds like its over anyway
Its a 2 way street baby . If he is paying all your bills and you dont want to leave . Maybe you are looking only on how he is treating you . What about how you are treating him . Yes you have lost a love one . Rememember you have a family too . They need you . What if he has a problem or is sick and doesnt want to tell you because he see you in a corner and like you dont care for him anymore . Remember life is so short these day . Try live life happy with your family because some day, you wont have him by yourside and believe me, you will have to survive on your own . I taught the same way, I couldnot survive without my husband and sad to say he pass away 8 yrs going to 9 in March ,suddenly . Here I am surviving on my own but missing him daily like it happen yesterday . So my dear talk to him maybe he feels the same way like you . Communication and love goes together …
If you dont have the income to afford a place. Why not sign up with the county you live in for government funded benefits, until you find steady enough work. There’s a lot of programs out there to help. There is no benefit to staying in a relationship like this just because of the money issues. There’s always a way.
Communication… will he go to counseling? What if you find out he is cheating? Are you willing to work through it if he stops? If not then maybe getting your ducks in a row to leave would be a good start. He isn’t willing to communicate or counseling then how do you feel about that? Do you want to continue to live as you are? You need to ask yourself some questions… what are you willing to live with and sacrifice? Maybe a pros and cons list of your marriage… it’s good to see things in writing… leaving will be hard but you can do it and you can be happy again…
If he already did it once he will do it again and if your gut is telling you that he is the most likely he is. It’s just a matter if you’re going to put up with it or if you’re not and leave
Well, if you can’t afford to leave, and dont want to leave the dog, and yet dont want to live like you are, then I suggest you start finding something to do and someone to love. Ignore him and get your shit together, dont live in misery
Well you basically have two choices, you either stomach it, or you leave him and the life you know to start OVER! Pray on it and ask God for a sign
My relationship is also struggling, a friend recommended an ebook by a life coach called ‘should I stay or should I go’ even though it’s not a large book (only 150 pages) I decided to break the book down and read 10 pages per day, it has been very helpful, as its helped me to assess my feelings, rather than act on my feelings - I hope you have a friendship group you can converse with and help you with the guidance your looking for - highly recommend the book thou, as it helps give you personal clarity without having an agenda other than your personal peace
Your gut is rarely wrong!! Only you can decide what you are willing to live with… as women we tend to let those we love decide what we can and can’t live with. This causes us to go deeper and deeper into depression most times we forget to look after ourselves we are so busy making sure those we love are in a good place… take the time to truly look deep inside yourself and ask yourself a few questions 1- what makes me happy 2- what bring peace to my soul 3- what am I willing to live with?
Once you can truly answer those questions you will know what you have to do!
Blessed be sister!
Trust your gut. Asking him will only make him lie to you. Buy a tracker and put in his car. It’s worth knowing where he goes to put your mind at ease. Just like many of the ladies said. Think it in writing. If he is, what are you going to do? Counseling, leave? Think long and hard. But it’ll be very difficult to live with it if he did.
Could he possibly have health issues that keep him from performing? Might be a reason why. Talk to him.
Tell him the way you feel, get everything that is bothering you on the table. if you let it go it will eat at you. See if he changes
Talk to him if he don’t shape up ship him out… Nobody deserves to live in misery… Rather be lonley over disrespected…
Ask him right out if he’s cheating on you besides that you can get a divorce and get some alimony or something out of them useless marriage if you get a good attorney they’ll back you up
That sounds like my ex i filed for a divorce
You will probably need to leave, if for nothing else, because you arent happy. The kids deserve much better and to see a healthy marriage. Maybe you can save up some money and get a cheaper place. It doesn’t have to be the best of the best. Just a place to lay your heads til you can do better.
Have you talked about it? That can be hard. Maybe there is something else going on with him and you don’t know.
Take your kids and dog, you’ll be surprised what you can do on your own. It’s hard. But it was the best thing I ever did!
Any chance he’s depressed? Last year was rough, pandemic is tough. If you’ve had job and money insecurity there could be a good bit of stress too.
Talk to ur husband…
I would leave and take a break if you have somewhere to stay. Time apart really does help answer a lot of questions you have. It will show his true colors if he really loves you or not and if he’s cheating you need to find out. Get counseling for yourself and if it works out together. I know it’s really hard … me and my fiancé did this and I was an absolute mess. But it showed both of us what was going wrong and our true love for each other. I hope everything works out! But always put yourself first there are many men out there that will treat you exactly how you should be treated!!
I’m not hearing anything that makes it sound like he’s cheating, is there more to this story maybe?
Been going through the same thing for 3 years. He had several other women
Why would YOU leave? You’ve been together 18 years. In my state if you have kids and reside in the home he has to leave. Call a lawyer for a free consultation. I wouldn’t leave my own damn house cause a MF is cheating That’s on him. Tell him if he doesn’t straighten up you’ll take him to court and take him for everything he has. With long term marriages (over 10 years) you get half of everything he has and most of the time unless it’s an inherited property the wife gets the home.
He sounds depressed to me. Maybe he’s also feeling that things aren’t right. And that you think he’s having an affair. New clothes, aftershave, looking at phone or texts are more likely than being snappy with you.
Well you need to talk to him and not assume he’s cheating. It could be he’s depressed or sad and not ok either. He may not know how to fix things either or know what’s wrong. Try talking first. Really listen to each other and maybe see a couples counseling .
I feel like im in the same boat…
I think your gut tells you what is happening but not necessarily is it always correct. But you don’t need that as a reason to leave. And there are programs that can help you with finding a place and helping you until you get on your feet. But if its simply because you’re unhappy, talk to him. He could be understanding or ypu guys can get help in fixing your relationship. That’s a lot to throw away without trying to fix it first
Irritability, avoidance, and a low libido aren’t necessarily instant signs of cheating. While that is a possibility, he could be tired and depressed, feel super overwhelmed about something and is bottling it up instead of talking, etc. My husband usually doesn’t hop for sex, affection, or general spending time together when he’s depressed and self doubting himself to the point where he feels like doing anything at all might be seen as negative. I have to pry the lid for him to open up, so maybe just maybe its something that just needs positive and open vocalization. Never waver, keep persisting until its out in the open.
And in the case that he is actually cheating, to hell with him. But never immediately jump to those types of conclusions, for if that is not the case, you can seriously damage your relationship. You married for better or for worse, 2020 was a dumpster fire. It could be as simple as that. Best of luck!
Get a job and move out. You deserve better whether he’s cheating or not!
This is my best advice to change things around… start working on you … try to leave him be as much as you can… start working out, try the keto diet… do your hair and make up, start going out with your friends once a week. And laugh whenever humanly possible. Whatever he’s doing- he will take notice if you stop what you’re doing now. Don’t try and initiate sex … why bother ? You’ll just end up feeling rejected. Turn it around and I promise he will initiate sex with you. But, you have to stay diligent and focused. Men like to be the hunters, they also like to wander when they feel all the fun is gone. So don’t ask him questions, don’t make moves on him. Let him wonder what’s going on with you.
Save all the money you can and move out if he isnt willing to work on saving your marriage.life is too short.i wish you the best.
Divorce him, life is short. There are community services that can help you.
If the original poster wants to message me, we can talk. I left my marriage of 23.5 years on August 17th, 2020 145 days ago. For the exact reasons she’s saying.
Make a plan and leave. There is government assistance that will help get you on your feet.
He could be battling depression or mid life angst… after 18 years, you have to work a little bit sometimes. You have to communicate openly, spice things up and be intentional in your relationship. Try not to jump to conclusions… try being open first.
I would ask him straight out and give reasons why you are thinking this.My partner and I have said if we ever have an affair we would tell each other and move on why try and hide it if either of you are not happy in the relationship.
Honestly the first thing I would do is go get an std test done. He might tell the truth about IF hes cheating, but you need to take care of yourself either way. Good luck I’m sorry your going through this.
Maybe he is battling with depression and he doesn’t know how to talk to you about it. Sit down with him without accusing him of anything and ask him what’s bothering him. Maybe even try counseling but dont just give up on the marriage just because you think hes cheating.
Take deep breathes we are living in Very difficult times… Have a conversation with him. Go on a date night. Perhaps suggest therapy. Dont give up without trying some options first.
There could be a lot of reasons for the behavior aside from cheating. If you’re truly unhappy with your marriage you need to have a serious talk. Stop worrying about hurting his feelings, because he needs to know how you feel and take it seriously. If he doesn’t care, then a separation may be better for both of you, but honestly men can be totally oblivious for reasons unrelated to women, he may have no idea how unhappy you are.
First off I’m so sorry about your sister, my heart goes out to you. Speak with him, sit him down and have a real heart to heart. Express your feeling but don’t lead with I think you’re cheating, he will get defensive and the talk wont happen. Good luck, sending you positive vibes.
Sounds like you’re married to a narcissist. You need to become financially independent somehow otherwise he’ll always have control over you. If you have any type of small income you should be able to rent a room somewhere. That’s what I do. I’m on Disability. Beats living in a hopeless marriage.
Sit down and talk about divorce that you are unhappy. I think a lot of issues will be coming out and you will know where he’s at. Then if you have to leave him…do it. You can’t spend the rest of your life miserable.
I just went through this my self. He felt distant and everything. Snapped at me for everything I felt like I wasn’t doing anything right and I lost my grandma just a couple days before Thanksgiving so last year was so hard for me. My husband has a demanding job and on top of that he opened up a business and so yea we argued and fought a lot. I told him to get out cause I honestly had enough of everything. So he left and about 2 weeks later we decided that we needed to communicate better and he is working on spending more time with the family. Its not easy but if you want it to work , work on it and its not gonna be easy at all. I missed him the whole time he was gone I literally cried and slowly things will change. We are looking at counseling also.
I feel he is cheating but if not you still need to have a talk with him one on one. See where it goes if he is cheating maybe he will open up you can’t live like this your happiness is important for those kids.
Could be medical. Ask him to go to the drs and get some labs done, including Testosterone levels. Low T can be the reason for low interest, poor sleep/rest, mood swings (been there). There are supplements and treatment if it’s an issue. It could explain his behavior, but could not be the only problem. Some counseling or some conversation may be in order also (been there too). Hope this helps!
Have his Testosterone checked.
Have you brought up your feelings with him about this situation? Maybe he is depressed. There could be a few things why he is acting this way.
Save the money on seeing a therapist. Talk to him. If you feel he’s cheating. Ask him. Don’t come out accusing him right off. That will put him on the defense. If he says no. Then let the conversation go from there. If it’s yes. Well honey I wish you the best of luck.
My husband went through this just recently. Sent him to the doctor. Trazodone for mood and sleep and muscle relaxers for his back pain and all better in a matter of days.
Time to face reality. You are in a loveless marriage. You said he cheated on you once…how do you know it was only once???
Don’t cling onto a unhappy marriage with man that wants to be with other women. Its the 21st century. Get a divorce.
Hon, u r not alone. I have been married for 54 yrs. and after 8 yrs. it has been mostly like what you have explained. He did have an affair about 7 years into our marriage. He got a transfer and that solved that one for me. I trust in God to keep me through all my trials and struggles. I even seen a psychiatrist for a while. She gave me mental tools to use and they are still helping me. I try to volunteer in my community and join groups to play cards or whatever. This is how i have dealt with it. Kids are grown and live over 3 hrs. away in 2 directions so they are not savvy to all this. No physical violence is involved and no drinking or drugs so that really helps. God is the biggest savior i have. I hope it gives you some solace to know there are many of us that are enduring our misfortune. I have tried talking to my hubby, but he cannot converse with me about it. He just assumes i am complaining about him and finding him at fault. If I can be of any more help to you, please message me, ok?
Cheating or not, he’s distant, no? You both aren’t able to communicate, no? Leave aside the cheating part and talk to him when he has your full attention. Tell him it is really important to you to sort things out. And that you both need to put all the cards on the table if there is to be a tomorrow together.
But make sure the kids aren’t around
Always listen to your body…if it telling u something than it 99% of the time true
Get out get out get out. One room with your dog will give you more happiness than a house with him. Run run as fast as you can!
If you feel he’s cheating,then that’s your answer.get out now he’s not in love with you,it only gets worse.
Funny you mention you have to take your little dog and can’t bear the thought of leaving her. What about the Children? No mention of taking them. 12 and 15 year olds are not disposable.
If you are so unhappy, maybe it’s time to leave.
Some of the best talks my husband and I ever had is riding after dark…
Trust – you either have it or you don’t — if you don’t you don’t have a relationship …
Have you considered marriage counseling
Seems pure honest communication is what’s needed.
I am going thru the same thing. Been with my husband for 12 n half years. Only married 2 years tho. Ever since we got married he has shut me out completely. He refuses to communicate with me, he snaps at everything, he refuses to do anything with me and the kids at all as a family, theres no romance, no intimacy, nothing. He started trying to control my life after we got married ect. Everything is about him and his wants, I cant have friends nothing.
Read the 5 love languages.
Pray and talk to him and pray
Take steps to do better by yourself