I feel like my kids are being discarded by my family because of my sisters bad marriage: Advice?

Hi, there everyone, I don’t know how to put this, but I need advice. My sister got married to her not-so-nice husband five years ago, and ever since then, my parents only focus on her and her children. They will go out of their way to make time for them, and they will do anything and everything for them and my sister. My sister has had so many opportunities to leave him, but she doesn’t want to because she doesn’t want her kids growing up without a father. Both of us have three children, and all of them are born close together. Now my husband and I bought a house right next door to my parents, but they won’t even invite them to their house for anything unless my husband and I go with them. My children will ask them all the time when they can sleep over, then there’s always an excuse. My sister’s children, on the other hand, is there every day as my mom looks after them and if they cry to sleep over all her children does. My parents will stand or walk past our fence and call the kids to greet them when they take my sister’s children on walks, and will only come in our house when my sister’s kids are here so that they can come and greet their cousins. My eldest is noticing the unfairness, and it is eating at my husband, who in turn wants to sell and move. My husband’s mother, too, has no time for the kids, and we don’t force no relationship on them. Now I want to know is how do I explain to my kid’s whats happening without bad mouthing anyone. I feel deeply hurt, and my parent’s explanation is that my sister is suffering, and they don’t want her kids feeling and going through that trauma. I understand, and I don’t want my nieces going through that, but how do they just focus on them and my sister and discarding my kids, who are already asking questions. T.I.A

82 Likes

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel like my kids are being discarded by my family because of my sisters bad marriage: Advice?

I’d be mad to. Your parents also need to consider their other grand children’s feelings. I’d make it known to them, that the kids feel unwanted and unloved by them. See what they say. That’s completely unfair to you kids to be treated like that by their grandparents.

6 Likes

U r in a bad spot momma!! I got nothing except hugs!!

3 Likes

If selling and moving is an option I surely would.

20 Likes

If selling and moving is an option please do. But your sister being in a bad situation is not an excuse to cut your children out.
Personally I would just distance my self and my family from them clearly they don’t like your family.

8 Likes

Start talking about selling your house. Small talk say things like I think we just live too close and if we lived further away maybe the kids can have a better relationship with you guys.

11 Likes

Move and leave it! That is their loss and all you can do is keep pushing love and support to your kids! But do not beg anyone to be in their lives and teach them those bad habits! They deserve better! I wouldnt even tell them your moving nor contact or do anything towards them! Go creek walk to the beach stay busy and never home!

I would sell and move and just not deal with them much because At the end of the day they don’t want your sisters children to have to suffer but they don’t care that they’re making your children suffer in the interim. I’m not a person who believes in dealing with being treated badly over and over just because someone is “family”, if the respect isn’t there, especially for my children, then being family is a moot point for me.

3 Likes

I’d sell so your children don’t have to see happing every day it’s like a a slap in the face for them. Definitely move.

2 Likes

Maybe your mum is doing everythin she can to keep your sister alive!?!?

4 Likes

I personally would move. I also wouldn’t hold that against them as maybe they are just trying to make sure your children’s cousin have a good childhood. Yes I would be pi**ed at my sister but would only want my nieces/nephews to have the happiest childhood possible no matter the situation. I’ve also been in a similar situation and it is hard. In the end it is only the children’s happiness that matters tho. Maybe have them over your place and invite your parents over afterwards. I personally do not make any adult be active in my kids lives. I think if they want to be involved they will. If they don’t they don’t. My nieces and nephews tho I would do anything for them no matter the relationship between their mom and I.

2 Likes

Not everyone has empathy. Just because you are related by blood does not mean that you should accept being treated poorly. It is harder to explain to little kids why adults do certain things. Move if you can, that way you have a legitimate reason as to why the kiddos cannot visit. This may seem like a cop out but at least there will be less hurt feelings and even more hurtful explanations if you were to honestly explain to your kids.

My family were like this. Even losing my temper and saying something never changed anything.( It wasn’t because of the same situation your sister is in though. ) I just assumed favouritism and even though it still bothers me I just try and move forward. Things haven’t changed really, my kids just aren’t liked. They’ll stop asking and caring, and you need to not make excuses for them. Idd do what your husband wants, sell and move! Make your own happiness :heart:

1 Like

I would be mad also, but, are your kids well behaved? Are they horrible? I mean, that may make a difference also?! Im with your husbands idea, sale and move!!

1 Like

I mean it could be as simple as because they are there every day your parents need to decompress. It’s probably taking a lot out of them supporting your Sis so much. It also sounds like she really needs that support. I would give them some grace and maybe talk to them about it. Leading with I know you all have a lot on your plate supporting Sis. Thank you for taking care of them so well. So and so are feeling like you don’t want them here and I am sure you’re tired and maybe even tapped out, but if you could block some time for them I know it would really make their day or maybe even set a future date they can look forward to”. I think you explain to your kids that GP & GM are trying really hard to help your sis and their kids because they’re going through a really hard time. This could help them learn to empathize while also helping them understand it’s not them, but the situation and compassion and patience is what is needed right now.

8 Likes

I’ve lived in a home with domestic violence. Your parent’s are the only stability and security your niece’s and sister need. Being in a constantly traumatizing situation. Seeing a familiar ally brings the person or children peace. (Leaving a domestic abuse relationship is difficult. The abuser has threatened the victim, children and other family members. They alienate them from money, friends and family.) Your parent’s aren’t worried about you and your children because they know your doing well. If I were you, I would talk to both your parents without your children. Convey to them how your children feel. Perhaps, they can set aside an activity or day just for your children. But also keep in mind your parents are older.

6 Likes

That’s what happens when one or more siblings have issues in my experience. I’ve got two brothers with addiction and mental health issues. All of the energy and attention goes their way. It’s a lose lose situation. I feel your pain.

3 Likes

Their might be stuff going on that u dnt no about ! Mabey try offer to take ur sisters kids here n their n take bit of weight off ur parents! Your parents no ur kids and u are ok dosent seem to be the same responce for ur sister n her kids if ur mom has a lil bit of free time mabey shed enjoy visiting them all at ur house ???

1 Like

Nikki-lee Hazelgrove

1 Like