I feel like my SO is being sneaky behind my back but I am unsure: Advice?

I don’t know if it’s my anxiety or what, but I’ve noticed a personality change in my partner. At the beginning of our relationship, everything was great, well almost three years into it, I’ve noticed almost a lack of interest in me. At first, I blamed it on his depression. Thinking maybe he just has a lot on his plate. Well, lately, I’ve noticed he goes to bed at different times than me, I’ll catch him on his phone on Snapchat or Facebook messenger and then he backs out fast before I can see what he’s doing. I’ve caught him in the bathroom obviously doing stuff. I’ve noticed a lack of sexual interest, affection, etc. I don’t understand what’s going on, but I feel a gut feeling that somethings wrong. I’ve tried to go through his phone, but he never lets it leave his sight, and I don’t want to go through it with him there because it feels like I’m being pressured. That and I don’t want to accuse if he isn’t actually doing anything. What should I do? We have two children, both from past partners. He has a somewhat close relationship with his child’s mother. Is it me? It’s okay, to be honest!


He’s seeing/talking to someone else…

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Do you, find a therapist and let your spouse do him. If it falls apart, you’ll already know how to love yourself and ha for your own feelings. No amount of stress or questioning will stop anyone else from making their own choices.

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Talk to him. Not every dude is cheating. He may be having issues hes embarrassed to discuss. Go to therapy. I have seen men do worse things than this and still weren’t cheating. Talk to him before you say or do something you can’t take back. I know from experience


Firstly, don’t go through his phone. That’s not helpful. It does sound like he’s cheating but resorting to snooping also isn’t good. He may not be cheating. Just talk to him.

Always trust your gut


Yeah if you feel something weird is happening it probably is. I’m the kind of person I would pick up his phone and start going through it in front of him. :woman_shrugging:t3:

Maybe instead of trying to go through his phone, you should do the adult thing and have a conversation with him about what’s going on. You guys need counseling and to consider separating.

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Your gut is never wrong !

He’s talking to someone else

When this happened to me turned out my significant other had relapsed. 💁 not for nothing but maybe it isnt cheating. If its drugs theres always the option of trying to recover

I’d ask him. Be perfectly honest with him and tell him how you feel. That you are having these feelings then tell him you care enough about him to try to make a go of it, but if there is someone else then well there can’t be three in a relationship. It may hurt if there is but better to find out now than to let it eat at you and fester up. It’s like taking off a band aid. RIP that sucker off fast ! He may not be aware hes making you feel that way.

I’d tell him everything you just told us! Get the kiddos down tonight; sit and talk! Communication is key. But 9 times out of 10 if your gut is saying somethings wrong it’s normally right!


I’d definitely be talking to him. Sounds like a possible porn addiction but this is just my guess.

Hes hiding something


Be sure you want to know the truth before you go looking. Always have a back up plan in action protecting you and your child! After 3 years and children he should gladly hand you his phone in my opinion, either way I’ve been where your at. It’s such a terrible feeling and the worst part is not knowing and beating yourself up. Straiten that crown bite the bullet and set him down for a chat. If you feel the way you do its typically for a reason.


If you feel like you need to go through his phone…it is tie to blaze a trail.

Trust your gut!! He’s definitely talking if not more with someone else. Talk to him but be prepared for him to be unpleasant and be prepared to put YOU first (and the kiddos). Staying in an unhappy relationship is so unhealthy for all of you. So sorry your dealing with this situation :disappointed: I’ve been there myself and it was really hard :sleepy: for awhile but then I got better and stronger. Best wishes for you :heartpulse:

He should have no problem letting you go through his phone if he’s not doing anything. You’ve caught him on messaging apps and being secretive. You need to decide whether you’re going to deal with it or move on. Damage is done at this point.


There are many red flags. If you confront him and he denies then he will start locking things up. However if you are in the same phone plan you should be able to see text numbers and phone calls.

Gut is never wrong

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