Okay, here goes, and this is going to be long, so if you continue reading, I truly appreciate you. I have been married for nine years. We have three kiddos together. We got married very young. My husband was 18, and I was 20. I didn’t fully understand or know what I wanted at that age. But for the most part, our marriage has always worked. He is kind, he helps around the house, he is obsessed with me, he works hard. But as the years went on and bedroom issues arisen (That he refused to get checked out due to being embarrassed), I started to feel differently. I went years with not being satisfied in the bedroom…and when he did get help, it was too late for me. And sex isn’t a big thing to some people, but it is for me, and I went unhappy for so long. Now that his issues are fixed, I have no feelings for him. I have planned to leave, but the kids always stop me because they are so young, and he is such a great father and a great person. We do not argue at all either; it’s just bland. We get along great as friends, but there is no passion. At all. And I need that passion that most people can live without. What do I do? He is a great person, well rounded, and a great father, but I don’t feel anything toward him but friendship. I hate that. I hate that I am not deeply madly in love with him, but I cannot force it; I’ve tried. I don’t want to spend my life miserable when life is short, but I also don’t love him. But we work together. It’s so confusing. We tried counseling and everything, so please do not suggest that. I want a love that consumes me, and I want to be obsessed with my partner. Also, the day that I tried leaving, he cut himself… and I know that is a form of manipulation, but I feel bad because he is such a great person, and I know he did it for attention…ugh. Should I break up our family because I am not happy or just stay until the kids are older because we do get along and they deserve to be near him all the time?
If you flipped it and this was your husband talking about you ,what would you do ? Stay or leave …
I wouldn’t want my Husband staying with me for the sake of the kids.
I think because it’s giving you so much conflict in your head it’s better to split ,it may end up making you ill and that’s no good for any of you …
Life is too short x
Kids can feel tension between parents even if they “pretend” to be ok. My parents stayed together till I was almost out of college “for me” or “for the family” but to be honest, it just made everyone sad… for YEARS. The longer you wait to leave, the more disconnected you both are going to be and that’s not fun for anybody. Kids want to see their parents happy, even if that means not being together. Don’t. Waste. Time.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I feel nothing for my husband but he is great: Advice?
Depends how old are the children? If they are high school aged- stick it out a couple more years. If not, then make the split now. The wasted time will eat you alive & you will grow to resent him.
Leave your unhappy and he is being toxic
Maybe you need to tell him all of that instead of strangers. Seriously. Talk to him. You guys need to go on dates (if you want to make it work), spend quality time together not talking about the kids. Find common interests and enjoy them together. You need to bond with him again or move on.
I think you should explain most of what you just said to us, to him. Be able to be honest enough to tell him how you feel so you guys can hopefully move on peacefully.
Spice up your sex life.
Staying would probably be the worst thing you could do. In theory it sounds great keeping your family together but you’re not happy and it will start to show. Do you want that for your kids? For them to grow up thinking that it’s normal and expected for them to stay in an unhappy situation? If y’all get along as friends then there should be no reason that you can’t coparent well together. With all of that being said, also remember you may never find this consuming love and you will have lost your comfort zone. It all comes down to your happiness because if mama is happy then the kids will be too as long as they’re put first
Well I know it’s hard but it’s time for you both to let go… He sounds like a great person and father but that doesn’t change how you feel… I’m sure you are also a great person… I feel like he deserves the same love from someone that you do… you can continue to be close friends and be there for your kids , but love each other enough to let go…
It’s not always passionate. Marriage isn’t a feeling, it’s a commitment! Get the romance back! This isn’t his fault and you need a reality check! Sry if I sound mean but I’m trying to save you more regret and heartache than you are ready for! Over the years life gets into the way and we forget what really matters! The grass isn’t greener on the single side, it’s green where you water it!
Do you go on dates still? Remember why you fell in love. Life gets busy and kids dont make it easier to get that alone adult time. Start dating him again to see if you can find that spark that you once had
You both need separate counseling/help
If he already tried to manipulate you with the cutting… and you wait longer to leave him that’s going to make his mind far worse. Then the kids could literally get hurt far worse than if you just left now.
I hate you’re in this situation for sure. But the manipulation part alone would make my decision easier especially with younger kids involved
Crazy how when a man is great we don’t want him but we take the lying cheating abusive men not talking crap but that’s how it always is good luck to you and your decision
You were attracted to him at one point in the beginning, enough to produce 3 children . It took time for you to check out because the physical part of your relationship changed, now that it’s better it will take time and effort to find that passion again. Sex Isn’t between the legs it’s between the ears. Find your turn ons and help you and your partner tap into that. Because you don’t want to end a loving committed relationship for a sexual one, it won’t last.
You literally just described the new show on Netflix called “Sex Life” and it was phenomenal!! Every single woman & man should watch it.
It’s quite simple really…if you can be okay without waking up the rest of your life beside this man than you need to leave. If you cannot imagine waking up beside him every day then you are not ready. Would you be okay if/when another woman came into his life romantically? Are you financially stable enough at this moment to support both yourself & your children?
Being content is not what marriage is intended to be. Yes, every marriage has its dull/routine moments because…life but you need to be absolutely sure there are no stones left unturned before you make it final because once you go, it’ll be even worse on the children if you go back & forth!
Wishing you light during these dark moments
If you are not happy your children will sense it and not only be unhappy too but will also choose and stay in unhappy relationships because they saw you do it.
Go on dates again mama. Before you give up fully try and get that love back. This way if it doesn’t work you can at least say you tried everything. Otherwise you might regret that.
You definitely can’t force someone to love you or force anyone to stay, married or not. But for me I would honestly fight for my marriage, everybody has problems but you choose who you go through them with. He sounds like a great guy, and you sound like you’re wanting something different & I can’t completely understand it because my little family is my world but if you’re truly unhappy then you need to let him go (respectfully) it’s not fair to either one of you or your kids. Sex isn’t everything but some people are different, it’s not always going to be passionate…you guys get older & grow together…life gets crazy busy especially with kids but you should never want to wake up one day & not love your spouse anymore…life is short but don’t take what you have for granted. I wish you both nothing but the best & hope things work out in the end ( together or not) co parenting isn’t easy but it seems like you two are great friends so that helps out a lot as well. Remember your kids in all of this! But best wishes
Based on what you’ve said, I recommend you leave as soon as safely possible. I may be reading into this, but you’ve mentioned that he’s obsessed with you. Coupled with the fact that he cut himself to manipulate you into staying doesn’t bode well. I would start planning your split now so both you and the children are protected. I would gather what evidence you can to do so. I’m not trying to sound negative, but you don’t know what he would do if he’s already behaved that way. I truly wish you luck.
Your kids deserve a happy mom as well. If your not happy leave
Live your own life. Or you’ll regret it and always have what ifs…
I left my fiancee of 13 years and my daughter is 12 just turned q2 today actually… same thing… the passion was gone… no matter how much you try to get it back… you won’t
Every relationship goes thru it’s ups and downs. Communication, trust and respect are needed for any healthy relationship. Talk to him and let him know exactly how you’re feeling. You need know if you guys are on the same page, whether it’s to fight to find love again or to part ways. Best advice I read was to take it back to the beginning…go on dates, hold hands, snuggle on the couch, flirt, ect.
You should stay ! You have no idea how lucky you are ! Divorce will damage greatly your kids no matter what age ! They will never be the same ! Trust me !
Try falling in love with your husband again; it’s a choice, after-all.
I feel for you. I really hope you end up finding the right solution
Open marriage or exploring the option together?
It’s an alternative lifestyle but…
This is coming from someone who would literally do anything to have a man like you described…
The dating pool is pretty much trash… just a heads up…
I know your really resentful he didn’t fix the sexual issue “in time” so to speak but I would strongly suggest you two maybe go on a weekend alone together and try to find the “spark” / “passion” again.
In every single relationship unless you keep that aspect alive, once the new wears off it can become boring or monotonous.
If he’s truly great in every other aspect, I think it’s worth that.
Obviously, yes we all deserve happiness etc but I think often we forget that it takes effort on both of our parts, to keep that happiness…
Who knows maybe seeing “what’s out there” will make you truly realize how rare the man you have is.
You deserve to feel love and he deserves to be loved!
Leave and find your happiness, and he will find his!
Leave you can’t live unhappy forever and he deserves to find someone that loves him
It’s okay to feel this way! You’ve just simply grown apart. It’s time to do you, momma!
Learn to fall back in love again. Go on dates as if it’s all new again. Do fun things. Talk. Plan nights away. Holidays. Do sports together. Find hobbies you can do together.
I would say this before you throw in the towel… the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
If you do end your marriage I hope your husband gets some help because that’s worrying.
You need to do what’s right for you and your children.
Good luck. It’s a tough decision to have to make
IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY LEAVE!!!
You have to do what’s best for YOU and your babies!
You both deserve happiness and so do your children so why not go separate ways but joint custody of the children? Still be friends etc… speak to him tell him you’ll still be friends and speak with him etc…
I’ve been with my partner 6 year in august and we have a 5 year old (she’s 5 on Saturday) and an 8 month old we split for a year while I was pregnant with our eldest then we got back together, we was strong and it’s worked out the only thing that’s changed is we hardly sleep together, we cna go months and months without it… but if I’m honest it doesn’t actually bother us, as long as we have abs love each other and the girls are happy etc then that’s all that matters but like you said in your post sex doesn’t always mean a lot to some but to you it does and I understand that.
I hope everything turns out okay for all of you x
I see a lot of people that DON’T take their vows SERIOUSLY!!! This is part of the problem with the youth of today. Fuck all the BS others are saying sit down alone with him and discuss it FIND a way to respark what you saw in him when you first met MAKE IT WORK!!! Stop giving up on people in life simply because you’re bored with them. Kids DESERVE to have a stable home instead of two selfish parents who do EVERYTHING for themselves.
I had a love that felt like it consumed me, I was happy. We had a child together and I thought we were still great, not so much, he followed consuming love somewhere else, I’m now a single mum with a 1 year old and it’s a real struggle! I’m alone and working on being happy that way. What I’d do now for a man who stays, is faithful and makes our kids a priority.
In short, the grass is not always greener and big mad consuming love fizzles out and becomes nothing.
If you would put as much effort in to making this marriage work as you would a new relationship it would work. You need to stay put and stay faithful, men like this are very hard to find. Decide to be happy otherwise you may grow old and lonely.
Dear heavenly Father we come to you with this deepest sadness in her heart . In Your word You tell us we need to come to You in our trouble times and this is one only You can heal with a miracle. Put this husband and wife hearts in the right Church family that will lead them to what blesses You have planned for only them. Show them what she is looking for and missing.
My advice is to stay because men like that are hard to find.
There’s always something missing in every relationship, some people have great sex but then they argue all the time or lack in other areas.
Girl I feel this! So you’ve talked to him honestly about the way you feel and what you need? HONESTLY. If not that would be the first place to start. Love isn’t always a feeling, its a choice. You said hes great father and husband. Sounds like it’d be worth it to be keep trying. And your kids also deserve a that family structure. But YOUR happiness and sanity matter. You deserve satisfaction. Your needs should be met. I really think you should sit down with him and talk. Just you and him, no counselor. Tell him your needs and desires. Maybe talk about spicing things up. Itd probably be really good for the 2 of you to take a little vacation/road trip so you guys can just focus on each other. Who knows… what if you leave and really regret it? Try everything before taking that big of a step.
Im done reading, cnt deal with selfish ppl! Grow up! Learn to please urself or cheat ur way out of a good man… im sure some thirst bucket will grab him…
Try roll playing, or toys. Pretend your strangers and roll play. Go on dates. Take showers together. Take a weekend getaway together.
He needs to be confronted about how him cutting made you feel though and maybe seek some help about that. But in his defense, he might not of been doing it for attention or to be manipulative, he could of been doing it for a pain release. Even though it’s wrong but he probably felt really depressed and overwhelmed by the situation of you wanting to leave and if he loves you so much, I’d atleast try to understand where he’s coming from and not hold it against him. I’m not saying that part of the situation isn’t toxic or wrong but it is forgivable… and I would just express to him that together or not, he better never do that again because he has kids who need him! Just like they need you. And maybe you should try doing some of the things mentioned in this status to get your relationship back and if all else feels then leave. You don’t deserve to be miserable or unhappy just because it’s all both of you know. I hope that either way you work it out and find the happiness you’re looking for. But please understand that regret is real… you could feel this way now until you see him giving this love and attention to someone else and then it may bother you. No decision is wrong though.
I think you shouldn’t give up on him. You can find great sex with a guy but most of them don’t have what your husband has. Learn to fall in love with him again.
It’s truly sad that you feel that way considering the fact that he sounds like a great husband and father. I have no advice.
You might end your marriage and never meet anyone new. He might meet someone a few months down the line and move on with his life… Think about that. Work on your marriage.
You said you work together? Maybe you two need a break from one another. Space. It helps rekindle that spark.
I felt for this dude until you said he cut his self. If you aren’t happy then there’s no point dragging it out. The kids will still have both parents
As a child my parents stayed together “for us”. Please do not do it. Do not stay in a marriage you are not happy with. All I remember as a child is my mum being unhappy. Comments above have given some good suggestions so id give those a try.
My opinion… well I’m a mother of 3 kiddos. Ive raised them all myself except when my now bf came along and has helped me raise all my kiddos. My youngest is 1 and calls him dad… anyway. Long story short. Try talking it out like really talking about things. In my opinion love is a feeling and choice sometimes I wanna leave my man because he’s always gone or when we argue it’s pretty bad but then I think about all the good times but in all honesty!! THOSE BABIES WOULD RATHER SEE YOU HAPPY AND SINGLE THAN MISERABLE AND IN A RELATIONSHIP!
If you’re not happy then… those are matters of the heart. People here support breakups so it’s upon you to know what you want
Maybe a little getaway might rekindle the flame. A great guy who is a good father and is “obsessed” with you is not easy to find. Maybe focusing on the good things he does for you and your kids will help, rather than thinking how unsatisfied you are in the bedroom. If you truly want it, you can make it work.
Just remember, a LOT of dudes out there are NOT good, and you might really regret it if you let him go.
Not many good men out there anymore but you have to make yourself happy also!
I am wondering why you don’t live him? You married him and have to have loved him at some point. I believe your life has gotten comfortable. The time your in you need to try to work on your message but sounds as if he as good as you saying then you have already checked out of your marriage. Sometimes when life is stagnant you have to freshen the water. Hold out for the good stuff
Mentally you left him years ago.
Rekindle the fire. I would understand if you are in a toxic relationship and you want to be out. The grass is greener where you water it. If you go and look for another, there’s no guarantee that you will be blessed with the man you have right now. God bless you and your family. I hope you’ll find peace and contentment in your heart.
The passionate fairly tale obsession type love you speak of isn’t really a thing. Passion comes and goes. Feelings come and go. If you divorce in order to find this so called consuming love, obsession, you will be sorely disappointed when you find it and then realize it is fleeting. Love is so much more than a feeling. Love is action. It is awe, admiration, respect. It is a choice. Act loving. Behave in a loving way. Divorce will devastate your children. Bringing someone new into their lives will further cause problems for them. They didn’t ask for this. Talk to anyone married for many years and you will find it wasn’t all bliss.
Well for one shame on you for bringing up the fact that he cut himself to hope that it made you look less worse, posting that is ridiculous considering he has gave it all to you and you wanna throw it all away over not being pleased in the bedroom, no woman is 100% satisfied all the time in the bedroom, spice it up instead of being selfish and wanting to leave, if you didn’t know what you wanted at the time should of left him alone, that’s what ruins people
Life is too short to live being unhappy. Don’t be surprised, though, when you find that passion with someone and it goes something like this: My partner and I have great sex, but he never helps around the house. He’s also short with my children. I’ve caught him chatting up girls online. He goes out 3 nights a week and never returns my texts while he’s out. I used to have a great husband who was wonderful in so many ways, but I lost my passionate feelings for. I wish I would have never left. He’s now happily married and does all the things for her that he used to do for me and our kids.
Separate for a bit. ITS IMPORTANT YOU BOTH stay faithful and committed a 100% though. It’ll make you miss each other and maybe the passion will return. If you still feel the same or better without him then you will know where you stand. Gl dear
Talk to him and start dating again, if possible start where you first met and where you went for your first date and relive it. It may help rekindle the fire, when it comes to the bedroom try new things like massage,
The grass is greener where you water it
Leave but do it on good terms. Exact same thing happened with my first love. 6 years for me though. We sat and had a conversation. No fighting. Now we’re still friends and our daughter has a good relationship with both of us and with my now husband with our baby son. All get along great.
It’s there another man in the picture ?
I feel sorry for him, he must feel bad and in loved.
leave you cant force love if it aint there then its not do whats best for you…. you gotta be happy to at the end of the day hell be ok and eventually move on yall can co parent good luck
Sound like those episodes on sex/life. If unhappy then move on. Don’t string him on longer you said you don’t live him anymore.
As we grow in our relationship the love changes. We can’t stay in puppy love forever (that would be exhausting). We have to continue working on it, not growing apart but growing together. Seek counseling, do things to fall back in love, or your next post will be about a loveless, lonely relationship that you regret. Good men are hard to find, so when you do count yourself lucky.
You need to be happy but there are very few good men out there and wanting kids too. Try to remember why you got married in the first place, think about how good he is, and remember loving someone is not all “passion” …neither is a good marriage.
If you’re not happy talk to him abt taking a break and let him court you
I feel like you will leave and then regret what could’ve been. I thunk you should try to spice things up! This “I want to be so in love with my partner” that takes WORKS! I think you can have what was you will just have to work! And switching partners isn’t going to change.
Pray thats where the for better are worse come in at… sorry I been single for years and I promise its no fun out here alot of men are not ready for what he is giving. You have it. Better get on those knees its nothing wrong with praying about your sex life with your husband
Communicate with ur husband or
U will regret it …
Do not leave a good man who is treating u well cause u will Regret breaking up with him an u may never again get a good man like this again.
U can start romantic dates for u an him like romantic dinners, massages, leave loves notes here an there at ur home for him , spice it up,
Do things to rekindle ur marriage …Dont give up on him…
U should be feeling Happy, Secure and Satisfied,
Many women long to have a good husband an here u have one…
Do not let one minor thing be a Regret of a lifetime…
Re- evaluate your actions ,
Give your Partner Grace,
Make your husband feel needed,
Everytime u see him give him a warm hug an a kiss,
There are many things u can do for him he sounds like a Wonderful husband ,
Do not separate u have kids with this great husband of yours
Divorces are horrible for urself an ur kids …
U are lucky to have a husband like this.
Wish u all the best !!
Maybe he should just leave you.
This hit my soul, bc I too, am that person. However, a ton of people still do not understand that long lasting relationships HAVE to start with being with your BEST FRIEND, you HAVE to have that solid friendship as the basis of any passionate, long term marriage. I do not understand people who can go without passionate sex, that is a HUGE part of it for me as well, but as we age and as we are with the same person year after year passion waxes and wanes just like the moon, there isn’t constant mad passionate sex all the time, and that is also something a lot of people misinterpret as things not working out. I always say a person changes so much after 25 and to NEVER EVER get married and have kids before that age… I wish you the best, but it does sound like you are holding a grudge, the issue is fixed now, right? So why not start fresh? Why are you allowing the past to get in the way of today, if the issue is fixed and he’s an all around great perfect guy? In my opinion it sounds like maybe, just maybe, you were never really in love with him to start with, being in love doesn’t really change, only the person who doesn’t truly understand what actually being in love is, does. Food for thought. I wish you the best, this is such a hard issue. I got so lucky and found my best friend who also gives me the best sex I have ever had in my life too, been together for 9 years and we are both still madly, deeply in love… we barely have sex anymore, but it is our deep love and awesome friendship that keeps our bond so close. We have 5 kids and both work so much we don’t have the energy or time for it most days… work on it, I would for your children.
If you can bear the thought of him wining and dining another woman, or even sexually pleasing her, then you’re over and gotta move on !! X
You must have loved him at one point and once you love someone its always there. Sometimes, especially in marriage, things can become comfortable and easy in routines and you get to a point where all the passion and excitement drains away because you have other things going on in your life. You forget to make each other feel special. In these situations, my advice would always be to rekindle that love you once had. Go on dates, get to know each other again because neither of you are the same people you were when you married (kids change you) and just spice things up. Do more things together.
Being In love really isn’t how it is in films. It doesn’t just happen out of no where. It takes a lot of work from both sides but if you want it back then you can have it back. First and foremost, you need to communicate with him and tell him that you feel like the spark has gone and you can then discuss how to get it back
If your Christians call Charles Stanley marriage support line he’s the best at solveing issues bless you both with gods very best
The fact that you talk so highly of him shows that you still care so much for him.
If he’s a great guy, do NOT let him go! Those guys are so hard to find, instead talk to him. Tell him exactly how you feel and maybe he can fix it. Bad sex? Spice it up. Not feeling loved? Spend alone time together or go on dates again.
Try to reconnect with your emotions to him before you give up. It all starts with communication with your partner.
Seems like he is a wonderful husband. Be careful what you wish for, things are not always greener on the other side!
A part of me wants to tell you to do what makes you truly happy bc life is too short to “just settle” or to be unhappy.
However…good luck finding another good man like that!!! I mean…
It’s honestly not hard to find a man that can satisfy you in the bedroom but it IS very hard to find a man that respects you, is honest and faithful,and even one that will truly care about your children.
Dont ask these people or anyone really. JESUS has your answer you seek, so ask him. God bless
You are looking for permission to leave. Just leave. You dont love him, so theres nothing to build from. Your kids will benefit from two happy parents, even if it takes a while for your husband to stand alone.
Marriage is a commitment for better or for worst.
Don’t use him, that is messed up… he deserves someone who truly loves him. You sound like you may need to be single for a while to find yourself again.
What a selfish way of of thinking. Lust is NOT love. Get toys that he can use on you. It might just ignite the passion between you 2. I am not judging you. Please forgive me if it comes forward as judging
Marriage take two and you have to CHOOSE it everyday! I think you should try changing your mindset and reminds yourself of all the things you DO love about your husband… Didn’t sound like your quite ready to give up… So don’t!
Will you be mad when he starts treating another woman the way he treats you, if not better than he treats you?
You need to talk to him, not the internet.
Also, you might not find another man like him.
The grass ain’t always greener on the other side even tho it may look that way if he’s such a good person why leave u might end up with a POS you’ll wish u stood I don’t get women like you u say yourself he’s good man/father y’all don’t fight and he’s a provider and you’re not happy
You’ll never do better
Absence makes the heart grow founder? Do not split up but separate? Its sounds like you could have it worse. Dont throw away a diamond to pick up a rock. He sounds great your just bored. Try something hut if he treats you well the next guy might not.
I think the best thing u can do is really sit down and think what exactly makes u feel nothing towards him or more so why and how did it start ? Was it not being satisfied that made u eventually get like this ? Once u know the answer to that u need to have an honest conversation with him and try to work on it and REALLY try and give it ur all. U should be happy in life but to be honest u won’t find all these qualities in a man again very easily if u ever do. There’s a lot to weigh up but u do need to find the source of ur lack of feelings and work from there
No one can make u happy or heal ur home except U need Jesus In ur heart he will rekindle ur love for ur mate and repair ur home ur children need u and so does ur husband give ur heart to Jesus and he will heal ur marriage May God bless u and ur family ask Jesus today God is love and u can’t love anyone without him:heart:
Start over with him, try going on dates again, go and have fun… see if it sparks anything. Remember why you fell for him in the first place
You are only 29 yrs old! If you stay you will eventually look/find with a third person what your marriage lacks and what you crave for and that will complicate everything! If you can sustain your kiddos and yourself (with him paying child support of course) I say go because your children will eventually become adults and live their lives while you’ll be stuck in a loveless marriage!!! #NeverSettle
Wanna trade? Jk i feel u.
There’s a lot of ppl that start out friends and fall in love later. I’d try talking about your needs. Hope it works out for you both.
You need to realize that that all consuming love doesn’t stay around forever. It changes as we mature. If you’re constantly looking for that type of love I see any failed relationships in your future. You need something to rekindle your relationship. Take a romantic vacation together, no kids! You’ve got it made with him. Remember what you had in the beginning & concentrate on that.