I found out I have a sibling that was given up for adoption: How should I handle this?

Some months back, at my son’s birthday party, my two grandmothers were talking, and I overheard them mention my dad had another child that he put up for adoption. This was complete news to me, and I am an only child. When I asked my grandmothers what they were talking about, they informed me that when my dad was young, he got a girl pregnant (not my mom), and together they put the baby up for adoption. I immediately said I need to talk to my dad, and both of them scolded me and said that my dad took care of it, and I am not to talk to him about it because they didn’t know that I didn’t know. They also told me that he had some paperwork that would give him access to records when his daughter turned 18, but his ex-wife found them and destroyed them for some reason. I have tried to find my sister using Ancestry DNA, Facebook pages, available adoption records online that others have posted looking for family, and I haven’t found anything. I guess what I am asking is should I talk to my dad about it and if you know of any other resources that could help me locate her. I just want to find her for my dad and myself, let her know we are here if she wants a relationship, and just to know if she lived the life I am sure my dad hoped she would. We are in Wisconsin if that helps. Thank you for any advice you may have!

20 Likes

If you don’t ask him or talk to him about it, you’ll never know or get the answers you seek. I say do it!

7 Likes

You absolutely should talk to him about it but do it face to face. You should understand though he may not want to meet her when shes 18 and you should be willing to take those kind of answers or be prepared at least!!

2 Likes

Talk to your dad 1st!! You are making a lot of WE (your dad and yourself) assumptions. You don’t know if he wants to find her. You don’t know if he does want her back in his life. You also don’t know if she has ever been told she was adopted. That can be a whole other can of worms you are opening up. Talk to him 1st but just be prepared in case you don’t get the answers you want!!

5 Likes

Yes you should talk to him. You never know what she’s gone through. She might need you as much as you want to meet her!!!

2 Likes

See the TV show Long Lost Family who does searches like this.

3 Likes

YES! Talk to your dad! You will regret it if you dont.

If he saved the papers and someone else destroyed them then he was definitely eventually try to find them . Talk to him. He prob would love to talk about it and share and you guys can United look for them

3 Likes

Talk to your father. There’s a reason he didn’t tell you. If he’s a good dad, he’ll be honest with you. Talk with him without judgment.

1 Like

Cool found out later in my lifetime I had step sibling my dad never told me he died now we are uniting just do it

Slow down because this could go very very wrong.Huge amount of variables.Talk to your dad first and take it from there.

1 Like

I met my dad for the first time when I was 16. I have never regretted meeting him. I would talk to your father about this. I’m 65 now my dad is 87. We have a long distance relationship but I love him

Absolutely talk to your Dad! Don’t let time pass or you’ll end up regretting not asking your Dad down the road. My Mother is an adoptee from Wisconsin and is now 70 years young wishing she had started earlier in life with the questions about her real parents. Now it’s too late to know. She was stubborn, lol. Good luck!

My niece found me a yr ago with 23 & me. She’s 43 and no one knew about her. It was a big surprise to her too.

Talk to your dad first to see if it’s what he wants. It shouldn’t be a bad thing you didn’t know and overheard

It seems to me that more than one set of documents exists so the ex-wife destroying them is crap. Also, if your dad wanted to find your sister then he would have. You want to meet her and that’s great. Have a conversation with your dad to let him know how you feel.

Talk to your Dad but be prepared for the outcome may not be what you want. I speak from experience.

1 Like

Yes, talk to him to see what he wants to do.

If you want to find your sister, cool. Consider your Dad, maybe he doesn’t, maybe that’s why your an adult and wasn’t given this information personally, before now. He may have his reasons for this. I’m speaking from experience.ijs

Whatever reason he had, find your sister if you all plan to have kids of your own .

1 Like