I found out my boyfriend never divorced his ex; Thoughts?

My boyfriend and I have been together for years. When we first started dating, he made it clear that he did not want any more children or to be married again. I was the opposite; I wanted a lot of kids and to be married. Over the years, things changed, and we have been blessed with three beautiful children. We have discussed marriage, and he and I have agreed to how we want our wedding to go. The thing is, he always comes up with excuses to back out of it and says I am pushing the subject. I have given him space, haven’t asked, and came to the fact that we are happy without marriage. I just found out a couple of days ago; there is no record of him getting a divorce from his first wife. (Please, don’t attack me on this, I took his word, and I already feel stupid) He and his 1st wife have not communicated for over 15 years, and she lives with her new family on the other side of the country. I just don’t know with this information, how to feel I guess…any KIND positive advice/ words would be great! Thanks.

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CHILD SUPPORT NOW
Get it on the books and in front of a judge

You are committing adultery now that you do know

It’s your choice as to continue to live with this, demand a divorce, etc
Anything happens to him, his WIFE will be making the decisions not you as in a court of law, you are just the side piece
Does he not respect you enough to tell you the TRUTH???

The choice is yours

Good luck

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Cheaper to keep her lol.

Does he realize the legal ramifications? Since she is still legally his wife she is entitled to everything. She has the legal right to make decisions for him if he were medically unable to. If he were to die she is his beneficiary, and if you own a home she is entitled to his half. Insurance through work cannot be changed without those divorce papers. Look into it, not only an emotional hot mess but a legal hot mess!!

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Approach him out of kindness and not accusatory or anything like that. To me, I would be worried about what would happen to you and your three children if something happened to him- at this point, his wife would legally be responsible for making health decisions for him and would also receive any life insurance or anything else. This leaves you with nothing. I would probably chat with him about it from that angle- in an effort to provide for your children should something ever happen to him.

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It is what it is. Either he gets the divorce by the end of the month or you leave. People need to stop doing dumb shit like this. Sticking around hoping he will change. If he truly wanted to marry you he would have done it already

I have a few friends who never divorced their ex’s for a number of reasons but I would definitely confront him

Did you ask him?? Maybe they are divorced and it’s not recorded correctly. I think you need to ask your husband!..

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He never wanted to marry you to start with he’s still married

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I would at least confront him on this. You should know if he and his ex are divorced. She may not be aware and maybe neither is he, but you should know. What you do about it, is up to you.

I think you should talk to him about it.

Some people don’t divorce cause it’s expensive and some cause one of the parties wouldn’t sign the agreement. I would ask kindly. And for that matter even if he was divorced, whoever marries him is committing adultery anyway. Unless there was sex involved in the reason why the divorce was settled. So your committing adultery anyway.

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So…you are the other woman…at this point

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Honey, WHY would he marry you if he’s getting all the BENEFITS WITHOUT BEING MARRIED TO YOU? I would definitely confront him, and give him a date in which to be DIVORCED, and a Date to be MARRIED or the BENEFITS would come to a HAULT !

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The two of you need to have a discussion about your future. Like others have mentioned above, the legality of things being tied to someone else.

Medical decisions
Your children
She could have children
Real property
Assets

It really isn’t difficult to get a divorce on your own. You can research it online. It most likely would be a no fault divorce.

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Shes entitled to his pension, social security ect,… you now have three children with him,you need to look at the future with this,I dont have any advice other then figure out how to protect yourself financially, make sure you set something up for yourself bc you aren’t entitled to anything

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Get yourself a family law attorney now! You and your children together need legal protection.

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Damn. Some of y’all are ruthless. To those giving proper advice…kudos.
To those of you judging … She already feels bad. She doesn’t need to be attacked. Geesh.

Seek out legal advice from an attorney in your area. There are lots of potentials but don’t assume anything until an attorney tells you exactly what could happen.

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Before going off on him completely, sit down, calm down, and have a heart to heart. I know several people who thought they were divorced through internet divorces that they paid for but ended up not being filed correctly with the court. If they didn’t have anything to fight about and had a civil divorce, they may have chosen that option because it’s significantly cheaper than the court route.

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