"My son was mauled by pit bulls on January 24th. He has a lot of surgeries ahead of him, and he has already had 12 reconstructive surgeries. He basically got the left side of his face ripped off. He has a tracheotomy tube that requires 24-hour care.
I am managing it well, and I usually do everything by myself. It can get scary sometimes, like when he has a mucus plug stuck in his trach, and I can’t get it out. It literally stops him from breathing. On one occasion, when we first came home from the hospital, a mucus plug had gotten stuck in his trach, and he stops breathing. He turned blue, and it was the scariest moment of my life. I thought my baby was dead.
My dad breathed into his trach until paramedics got there. My mother helps me with everyday care, such as bathing him, feeding him (he also has a G tube), and just making sure he is okay when I’m showering or away from him. My family is really close, and they have always been my support system, especially my parents.
With everything going on with my son and how close we have to be, every doctor’s appointment and surgery, I just couldn’t imagine my mom and dad not being there and doing it TOGETHER.
I found out recently that my dad has been talking to another woman. A coworker. Back story: my parents have been married for 23 years. When they were in there, 20’s my dad caught my mom cheating on him. He didn’t leave because of me and my sister.
Over the years, my mom can be naggy and absolutely crazy. It is a lot for my dad to deal with. But he has been talking with this woman all hours of the night. Me and sister confronted him on it and he says he is not leaving my mom. And he basically denied emotionally talking to this woman.
It’s a struggle for my dad to be with my mom. My thing is if you didn’t want to be with her, why wait 20 years when your grandson, wife, and daughter need you most? I’m just utterly lost and have no clue if I should tell my mom or confront my dad again."
RELATED QUESTION: Should I Tell a Friend Her Boyfriend Is Cheating?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“Leave them be. You have enough to worry about. And all you really know he is talking. Maybe he needs someone right now - doesn’t mean he will have an affair or that he is leaving. Besides sounds like he saved his free pass from 20 years ago.”
“I would tell him to tell her first. If he doesn’t, then you should tell her.”
“I would mind my own business.”
“Yes, he should tell her. But he shouldn’t have to stay with someone simply because you have a lot going on. They can both be very supportive active grandparents even if they aren’t together. I know you are scared, but trust me, you can’t change what might happen, and their relationship isn’t going to depend on everyone else.”
“if your mom cheated and he stayed, kudos on him for carrying that burden to provide a stable house for you and your siblings. And don’t get it twisted, it is/was a burden for him to not trust his partner in all the years he’s stayed. It’s not your place to tell anything, especially if they are just talking. Men and women can be friends and it sounds like he needs someone who will listen to him, let him vent because the women in his life obviously only lean on him for support and don’t show any back. Men have feelings too.”
“If you’re in your mom’s shoes… What would you want? Honesty? Or being lied to…”
“Leave them to handle their own business. You don’t know both sides of the story. You may cause unnecessary pain for everyone by butting in on their business. I’m sure your hands are full with your son and he will suffer if this comes out but you are putting yourself in the spot to choose sides.”
“My dad cheated on my mom (she isn’t the easiest to get along with) for a while a lot of people knew (I wasn’t one of them) just didn’t say anything, finally when someone did tell her she wasn’t just upset with him but everyone that kept it secret. If you think she doesn’t know, then, personally, I would tell her, but ultimately I think it’s your choice.”
“While cheating is horrible… you don’t know the whole story. Confront your dad as much as you need to… encourage him to come clean with your mom. But from the way it sounds your mom is absolutely toxic for him… and this other woman may be what is keeping him holding on. If that is the case…help your dad do what he needs to do to be healthy.”
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