I Found Out My Dad Is Talking to Another Woman During a Bad Family Time: Should I Tell My Mom?

QUESTION:

"My son was mauled by pit bulls on January 24th. He has a lot of surgeries ahead of him, and he has already had 12 reconstructive surgeries. He basically got the left side of his face ripped off. He has a tracheotomy tube that requires 24-hour care.

I am managing it well, and I usually do everything by myself. It can get scary sometimes, like when he has a mucus plug stuck in his trach, and I can’t get it out. It literally stops him from breathing. On one occasion, when we first came home from the hospital, a mucus plug had gotten stuck in his trach, and he stops breathing. He turned blue, and it was the scariest moment of my life. I thought my baby was dead.

My dad breathed into his trach until paramedics got there. My mother helps me with everyday care, such as bathing him, feeding him (he also has a G tube), and just making sure he is okay when I’m showering or away from him. My family is really close, and they have always been my support system, especially my parents.

With everything going on with my son and how close we have to be, every doctor’s appointment and surgery, I just couldn’t imagine my mom and dad not being there and doing it TOGETHER.

I found out recently that my dad has been talking to another woman. A coworker. Back story: my parents have been married for 23 years. When they were in there, 20’s my dad caught my mom cheating on him. He didn’t leave because of me and my sister.

Over the years, my mom can be naggy and absolutely crazy. It is a lot for my dad to deal with. But he has been talking with this woman all hours of the night. Me and sister confronted him on it and he says he is not leaving my mom. And he basically denied emotionally talking to this woman.

It’s a struggle for my dad to be with my mom. My thing is if you didn’t want to be with her, why wait 20 years when your grandson, wife, and daughter need you most? I’m just utterly lost and have no clue if I should tell my mom or confront my dad again."

RELATED QUESTION: Should I Tell a Friend Her Boyfriend Is Cheating?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Leave them be. You have enough to worry about. And all you really know he is talking. Maybe he needs someone right now - doesn’t mean he will have an affair or that he is leaving. Besides sounds like he saved his free pass from 20 years ago.”

“I would tell him to tell her first. If he doesn’t, then you should tell her.”

“I would mind my own business.”

“Yes, he should tell her. But he shouldn’t have to stay with someone simply because you have a lot going on. They can both be very supportive active grandparents even if they aren’t together. I know you are scared, but trust me, you can’t change what might happen, and their relationship isn’t going to depend on everyone else.”

“if your mom cheated and he stayed, kudos on him for carrying that burden to provide a stable house for you and your siblings. And don’t get it twisted, it is/was a burden for him to not trust his partner in all the years he’s stayed. It’s not your place to tell anything, especially if they are just talking. Men and women can be friends and it sounds like he needs someone who will listen to him, let him vent because the women in his life obviously only lean on him for support and don’t show any back. Men have feelings too.”

“If you’re in your mom’s shoes… What would you want? Honesty? Or being lied to…”

“Leave them to handle their own business. You don’t know both sides of the story. You may cause unnecessary pain for everyone by butting in on their business. I’m sure your hands are full with your son and he will suffer if this comes out but you are putting yourself in the spot to choose sides.”

“My dad cheated on my mom (she isn’t the easiest to get along with) for a while a lot of people knew (I wasn’t one of them) just didn’t say anything, finally when someone did tell her she wasn’t just upset with him but everyone that kept it secret. If you think she doesn’t know, then, personally, I would tell her, but ultimately I think it’s your choice.”

“While cheating is horrible… you don’t know the whole story. Confront your dad as much as you need to… encourage him to come clean with your mom. But from the way it sounds your mom is absolutely toxic for him… and this other woman may be what is keeping him holding on. If that is the case…help your dad do what he needs to do to be healthy.”

Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!

READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

76 Likes

I would tell him to tell her first. If he doesnt, then you should tell her.

14 Likes

If you’re in your mom’s shoes… What would you want? honesty? or being lied to…

9 Likes

Let ot be.pray about it.

2 Likes

What she said ,I would give him the chance to tell her and a timeframe I’d be like you better tell her by (whatever day) and if you don’t that’s on you because on that day I’m gonna ask her about it to make sure you did the right thing. If he was not in an emotional relationship with her he wouldn’t be hiding it from your mom or talking all hours of the night

5 Likes

well here’s the thing I understand that you have a life going on right now with your son and things are very hard but their marriage and their relationship with you and your son are two completely different things. Men tend to run away when responsibility gets overwhelming, regardless of how you need them together your mom also needs to know the truth because what your dad is doing at the end of the day is still cheating. It’s not like if they divorce they’re not going to be around to help you they’re still going to have a relationship with you and with their grandson they just might not be together anymore and if your dad really wasn’t hiding anything your mother would already know about the conversation he’s been having with this other woman your dad’s hiding it for a reason. . .the fact that you feel you need to ask strangers for their opinion already shows you know it’s wrong and that you need to tell her. I really hope things get better with your son though that has to be very hard to go through.

4 Likes

I would mind my own business

19 Likes

I know this is an unpopular opinion but… in my opinion I think its not your place to say something. I do agree with telling him …tell her or consequences… but i just feel it seems like your emotionally overwhelmed (reasonably) and your mind is in overdrive. I think their relationship is and has been complicated and I think you should focus on you your child (ren) and let them figure their shit out on their own. Your only going to add more to your plate by getting involved

I would tell her… or give your dad a option to.

Leave them be. You have enough to worry about. And all you really know he is talking. Maybe he needs someone right now - doesn’t mean he will have an affair or that he is leaving. Besides sounds like he saved his free pass from 20 years ago.

15 Likes

I’d tell her. Doesnt mean he cant still be there for you and your son. Who knows maybe your mom already knows

1 Like

It’s not your business.

10 Likes

Stay out of it. Your parents relationship is none of your business.

9 Likes

My daughter was 10. Her dad took her on a date with a girlfriend. My daughter broke down crying one night and told me what had happened. I asked her dad and he said she was lying.

My son lied to me when he knew the whole time his dad was fucking someone behind my back our relationship changed completely and I resented him for not being man enough.

While cheating is horrible… you don’t know the whole story. Confront your dad as much as you need to… encourage him to come clean with your mom. But from the way it sounds your mom is absolutely toxic for him… and this other woman may be what is keeping him holding on. If that is the case…help your dad do what he needs to do to be healthy.

5 Likes

I believe that when your mom finds out and finds out you knew she would be hurt you kept it from her. But its a hard situation

2 Likes

U need to mind your own business.

6 Likes

Id leave it be only because you’re mom is gonna stay because she fucked up 20 years ago. How can a destroyed family come together to help you and your child. Maybe it is harmless talking. I talk to guys all the time nothing sexual or emotionally just someone to talk too. Sounds like you are reading alot into it, could honestly be nothing but a friend.

I’d stay all the way away from that. Not your relationship, not your business.

3 Likes