I found out my husband had an affair: Advice?

A few months ago . Right around Our son’s birthday, I caught my husband cheating… We had a few drinks a few nights before, and he called me another female name … so I went through his phone and seen it all. I’ve tried to forgive him. But I can’t. I tell him I let go, but it’s still in the back of my mind like it just happened. I’m always thinking about it secretly, hoping he’s not. The worst part is. … she’s not pretty. She’s nothing compared to any female I know. I confronted him about it the day after it happened and he had nothing to say except ‘why don’t you leave me if you know’ … He tells me how much he loves me. How much he needs me, but it doesn’t feel the same. It hurts the most because we’ve been trying to have another baby for a couple of years now and nothing. And he blames me for that too … I don’t know why I stay. It infuriates my soul, knowing he was with someone else the way he is with me. It hurts that it just had to be my son’s birthday, and it happened, and he blames me. It hurts… I really do. It makes me sick to my stomach, knowing the man I married could do this and not feel a thing about it.

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Leave his ass one a cheater always a cheater

If you can’t trust him, leave!! My daughters father did that. He made me feel like I was the crazy one, but the whole time I was trying to fix our marriage, he was trying to tear it apart. Do what you have to do!! :pray:

He obviously doesnt care. Leave, you deserve better.

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This is a form of gaslighting. It’s a form of abuse. He is making you the problem. When it is him. Please seek out all opinions. And options.

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Your husband sounds like the classic narcissist!! You need to run while you can!

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I’d leave. He cheated and will probably do it again. If he can’t respect you and your marriage, leave.

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Leave him! He sounds callous af. For him to turn around and say ‘Why don’t you leave me if you know.’ Says to me he doesn’t give a shit whether your together or not. And for him to blame you for anything, from having an affair or your baby situation is disgusting. You deserve better, and your son deserves a better role model!

Maybe a temporary separation and try therapy but it sounds like u already know the answer it is hard to get trust back once its lost u may never look at him the same again

I think you have the answer already mama. You said it yourself that you can’t move on from this. People do sometimes work it out after affairs but they chose to let the affair go so to speak. The fact that he didn’t even say he was sorry and just asked why you don’t leave him is the part I can’t get over. He knew he hurt you and didn’t even apologize. It’s your relationship but I think you should move on to bigger and better things. Show your son what men are supposed to be (the truth will eventually come out). You deserve better. I’m sorry hun.

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Looks don’t really have a whole lot to do with anything. If he wants sex with someone and she put out :woman_shrugging:t2: that’s that.

As far as you, divorce. You’re NEVER going to to be able to look at him the same, feel the same, be intimate the same, love him the same as you did before. You’re not going to ever get trust back, it’s always going to be in the back of your mind.

It’s hard now, but you are worth so much more. You deserve so much more.

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First off you need to get over the looks. She’s not anything compared to who, you? Because I’m sure she’s beautiful to everyone she knows. So step off that high horse.

You either get over it or you leave. Maybe you ARE making him feel some type of way🤷🏻‍♀️ you don’t get to tell him his feelings aren’t valid just because he hurt you. You didn’t physically make him stick his dick but at the same time just from this post alone I can see why he would.

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If they do it once, they’ll do it again!

I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. The only advice I have, is if you REALLY want to save your marriage - talk. And talk some more. He did this to YOU. He owes you answers, shitty explanations. Talk and talk and talk. If that doesn’t work, go to marriage counselling. I understand what you mean with her not even being attractive - I suppose it hurts even more than it would have if she was stunning. Then you could try and reason in your mind. I wish you all the luck in the world xx

I could work through A LOT in a marriage but cheating isn’t one of the things. And I wouldn’t stay if my husband had cheated on me.

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Your best bet is leave he can only change if he has a desire to change and from reading this he has no shame or remorse for his actions. It’s hard trying to deal with people like that. Take care of you and your son those are the important people in your life.

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If you want to save your marriage you’re going to need to heal yourself first. Kick him out while you work on your feelings. See a therapist to help you through the hurt and betrayal. And once you’ve started to heal have a good look at your marriage and make a decision on whether or not YOU want to save it. Remember this was not your fault, it was his failing. Best wishes xx

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‘the worst part is she’s not pretty’?! :woman_facepalming:t3: maybe she has a better personality than you. not everyone is attracted to someone because of their looks. a lot of attraction is based off personality.

aside from that, if this jack-off makes you feel like shit and tells you to leave him anyways, then DO IT. you will be better off without someone that views you as disposable. it’ll be hard for a while but it will get easier but don’t try to stay where you’re unhappy.

Honestly? It won’t end. He now knows he fucked up, and you’re staying. That opens the door for him. He’s going to keep doing it. It might not be right now, but it will happen again eventually.

I know it’s not easy, especially with kids… but please seek help. See a therapist/counselor… This will destroy you mentally as a woman. It will torment your every thought, and now the trust is gone entirely. You need to realize your self-worth. Nobody ever deserves that, no matter what. <3

Even if you are able to forgive him… you’ll never forget it, and it’s torture

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