I found out my husband has been going through my personal messages for years: Advice?

I recently discovered my husband has been going through my computer and phone. At first he lied and denied it of course (side note: he has lied before and we’ve discussed How important Honesty is). Once I showed him that I had proof on my computer that does back Months, he admitted to it. He also admitted to checking my phone “here & there” for Years. He looked at personal emails from before we ever met, my work emails, photos, fb messages (guys, girls, my daughter), texts, even called phone numbers that weren’t saved as contacts in my phone. He would get up super early or in the middle of the night or stay up late to go through it. I’m 100% honest with him about who I talk to, I don’t leave the house without him or kids, I don’t lock or hide my phone or computer, and he’s never asked if I was interested in someone else. I asked him what he found and he said nothing, yet he continued to look. & I don’t mean go glance, he searched “keywords”, archived, deleted, Everything. Best part, he doesn’t really think he did Anything wrong. He said “you didn’t have anything to hide so what does it matter?”. He is now blaming me for breaking up our family because I’m hurt and upset and can’t just “move on” like nothing happened. My location tracking on my phone was also turned on Two Years ago, he says he didn’t do it but the company says it Has to be Manually turned on. How do you move forward from this? How do you Ever trust again? I feel like I have no idea who I married or what else he will do.


Sounds like he is either guilty or insecure. Or is he a narcissist?


Counseling, but You can’t force him. So, You should go to know how to handle this situation.

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Oh my. Well i applaud you for standing your ground. If there was never cheating on your part or dishonesty on your part then why the stalking of your things?

I would not give him anything to fear.

That is his own insecurities coming out… but You might want to take a look at his phone because people also deflect their own guilt.


Girl… You made the right choice. What a cowardly weak pathetic man. Sorry but that’s the biggest violation and I would leave too.


Who cares, I leave my phone on my dresser and my husband looks through it and i always get his phone. I wouldn’t care. I dont have anything to hide. Neither does my husband

Run run far away. You married your stalker


Damn that is way too extreme.

Leave or insist that he leaves. Trust has been broken x

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If hes doing it to you then its a safe bet its bc he is hiding something from you. My ex never shared his passwords or passcodes w me but had all of mine. Also lots of my personal things “disappeared.” Which later he admitted to it.
Oddly he freely shares all that info w his new gf n kids. So do some spying on your own and stay prepared.

I would feel like my personal space has been invaded. It is not a question if you had something to hide…it is a trust issue. He found nothing but continued to do it? That is one insecure man. I would say…my turn now. Hand over your phone etc. You both need help …him to get over his insecurities…and you, to learn how to move past this…

Is he doing drugs ? Makes them.paranoid . My ex was using for 2 years without me knowing

Wow, is there something such as severely insecure? I believe his insecurities come from past experiences. These past experiences I think go back to his childhood. I am curious what his relationship is like or was like with his mother and the roll she played in his life. Anyhow, he definitely needs some type of therapy to get to the bottom of his problem.

This shit triggers my PTSD bad. I was with a man for 11 years who did things like this, it eventually turned into me not allowed to have a phone, I couldn’t call my family unless I.was on speaker phone and he was listening. Wasn’t allowed to have social media or friends, no access to the outside world whatsoever. It eventually escalated to him beating me daily and threatening me, then he tried to kill me with a box cutter. The only reason I got out alive is because I woke up to him dead from a heroin overdose. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN. He seems controlling and I am scared for you, the more you let him get away with the more he will control you until you are an abused mess afraid to leave.

He didn’t … sorry but if he’s been hurt in the past he’s got to keep up… with the way world is these days partners sneaking around n stuff on the fly… but he could be doing it … why not look at his stuff too. If he can you can too … works both ways.

Id say a guilty conscience speaking of his actions and since u don’t want to move on what an easy way for him to point blame


Just wrong. Everyone deserves privacy and there should be undeniable trust. So sounds like HE broke the trust and you need to decide what u want…

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The problem is in his head. His trust has been broken or he is insecure for some reason. This could be rooted deep. He needs to work on himself.

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