"Recently I had to ground my 13-year old for being disrespectful and simply having no motivation to give 100% in school. Not often do I have to ground her, but this time my ‘warning’ didn’t phase her, so she got grounded.
She decided to push some buttons. When I grounded her, I told her she had one week of grounding, and she wasn’t going anywhere nor doing anything. Normally she goes with me once a week to get groceries, which she likes to do.
My question is because my husband and I both aren’t really sure if we should take that away or not. I did tell her she wasn’t going anywhere at all, so a part of me wants to make sure I stick with what I said but wasn’t sure if going grocery shopping with me is something I should or shouldn’t take away?"
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“I wouldn’t punish her for having no motivation in school tbh. It’s definitely a hard year & I wouldn’t blame any child for that. And it really depends on what you mean by being disrespectful. It’s circumstantial. But I’d say take her to the store. Don’t take away something you guys do together.”
“Before she was grounded and went to the store with you, did she help? My thought is that if she’s helping, ie, pricing, menu planning, loading/unloading bags, and putting groceries away at home, then I see it as her helping with chores and shouldn’t be grounded from that.”
“I think if you’ve told her that she isn’t going anywhere then you shouldn’t allow her to go with you. That way she will realize that you are serious. Hopefully, she will learn her lesson and not repeat the behaviors. Good luck!”
“Has her attitude improved? If so, take her to show her you are happy she’s trying, and if her attitude hasn’t, leave her at home. Just my opinion.”
“I’d say the trip to the grocery store is a good time to talk to her about the grounding and why you expect from her. One on one. Take that time and hopefully inspire her to do better and be better.”
“Maybe you should figure out why she’s not putting any effort in her school work. Why is she lacking motivation? Is something or someone bothering her? Bullying? Depression? Low self-esteem? Try to get to the bottom of that first before you just punish her for assuming she doesn’t care. There’s always a reason behind why we do or don’t do things. Secondly, don’t shun her completely, what if she’s going through some difficulties that you are completely unaware of, and bonding and spending time with you at the grocery store is one of the only times she can leave all that behind? Talk to her and gain her trust to figure things out together. Maybe she just needs help with her work. Good luck.”
“I would let her go. I would never take quality time with my child away as punishment. Other things, sure. This is different.”
“If she likes it, then no. I would leave her home and stand by your decision that she doesn’t get to go anywhere or do anything.”
“If you told her she isn’t going anywhere, that includes the store.”
“I wouldn’t take away bonding time with mom. Plus she is likely acting out due to stress. Tell her you’d rather her talk about her stresses than lash out at the family. Vent to her a little about your day and when she starts venting back to you CARE. Ask if she wants advice or just an ear.”
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