I’ve been a stay at home mom for the last several years. I have five kids. My relationship with my other half has been rocky. I forgave a lot that I shouldn’t have simply because I didn’t love myself. Now that I’ve been working on myself this last year, my feelings for my other half aren’t there anymore. I’m always thinking about how dirty he’s done me. And even though he’s been better the last two years or so. He still doesn’t appreciate anything I do. Or value me. I know leaving is the best. But I also know he’s gonna try and guilt me into feeling sorry for him. This isn’t gonna be easy. I’m gonna be a single mom to 5 kids, basically with nothing to my name. (We aren’t married, and almost everything is technically his) … I need some kind, encouraging words. Advice etc. I love him. Always will. But I’m not in love with him. I’m finally choosing happiness. For so long, I just wanted to give my kids a family dynamic, but it’s not healthy for them either, and I’m ready to break the cycle
Yes girl!! Break that cycle! You can do it! It won’t be easy like you said but it will be worth it for YOU and your KIDS! That’s most important. Don’t give into his guilt trip, no matter how hard it is at first it WILL get easier! You have a long road ahead but also you have a chance at true happiness and peace! Keep working on yourself and keep growing no matter what the future throws at you! Best of luck to you and your littles
Prayers for you and those kiddos. Life will be hard at times but it will be worth it. Do what you think is best for you and them.
I had to leave my home with nothing but my two little girls . I never was paid any child support . I want you to know it was so worth the chance I took .
You can do more than you know . Best of luck momma .
Single mom of 4, wasn’t easy but I did it, you can do it to. Breath, take 1 day at a time
I was a single mom of two when I left. What a journey that I wouldn’t trade for anything! It was a journey of self discovery and I gained my self confidence back. I’m hoping the best for you!!!
You should and CAN do better for yourself and your kids! Just because you aren’t married doesn’t mean the court won’t grant you support from him. I’ll be praying for you and your kids. Chin up momma!
It will not be easy. In fact probably the hardest thing you will ever do but hang in there. It will be the best thing you have ever done. You and your kids deserve better but know one day you will be on the otherside of it and happy.
You got it momma. Kids need a happy momma above all
You are one strong woman! It will be a hard challenge for you at first but you can accomplish it and make your kids and yourself happy.
You got this. I was with my kids dad for 13 years an one day i decide i needed out. I ended up in a domestic violence shelter with my 4 kids. It was hard but worth it. It helped me a lot. It showed me that i was a strong women and i could do it. I ended up having to leave my home state to get stronger i was already strong but i wanted to be stronger. Now 10 years later im doing good. Im working and raising my kids on my own. So mama you can do it. Just say im a beautiful strong women and i can do this.
First of all, have you tried marriage counseling first? Raising 5 kids on your own with a thin resume is a hard road. Don’t stay together “for the kids,” but think about what you can realistically provide them as a single mom. Check into housing costs, salaries for whatever jobs you are qualified to do. You would have to get his OK to move any significant distance away, to be closer to distant family, for example.
That said, if you are up for it:
Plan, plan, plan. If you can hold your nose for a while (unless he is abusive to you and/or the kids and not just a jerk), learn about laws, resources, look for a job/get education towards work. I suggest something involving computers that pays well & gives you some flexibility for hours and workplace. Set up budgets, research lawyers, and mediators if you think you can be adults about divvying up the home. Earn/save money, develop your support network(you can never have too many helping hands).
You will probably need to be separated for a time before you can get divorced, so look into the laws in your state. If you can, figure out what you could get in child support. Ask for alimony, but don’t count on it. Even if awarded it usually only lasts 3 months. What will you need to pay for child care for pre-school or after school?
Decide what your ideal co-parenting will look like. Be prepared to not be able to date for a long while but for him to jump into someone else’s bed right away. Put in the separation agreement/divorce decree what happens if either of you finds a new love OR a new hook-up, especially during time with the kids.
Also look into resources for your kids as divorce is never easy on them, no matter what. In the time it takes to get everything together, the kids will be older & possibly a little more resilient, but this will wound them for life.
Plan your work, work your plan, don’t tip your hand to him so he doesn’t have a chance to be retaliatory. I found my local women’s center to be a wonderful resource for strategies, information, education and referrals. One suggestion was to get a P.O. Box to keep him from finding divorce info. Another is to set up a bank account in your name only if you don’t have one already. Might also want to erase your browser history and phone info as you do your research so as not to leave a trail before you are ready to act.
And congratulations on doing the work to find out how fabulous you are!
I was a single mother with 3 kids homeless living in a living room with a totaled car.
I now am a homeowner, car owner and its the most wonderful feeling in the world to come home to my house and things nobody can take away from me. It’s been a long 3 years but totally worth. Good luck mama
It’s going to be hard but it will be so worth it! Just remember you’re stronger then you think. I found talking to my friends and family about what was going on helped me stay firm in my decision. It will be a big change for the kids at first and depending on their ages there will probably be some acting out but they adjust so quickly. It didn’t take long before we started getting comfortable in our new life together. You need to do what’s best for you. Your kids are better off seeing you happy. Good luck! You’ve got this!
Break the cycle momma! Those kids of yours will really appreciate it and admire your strength to stand up for yourself.
Good for you if he doesn’t respect you that’s his problem
I am a single mum to 4 kids it was hard at first but then you find your own way I get nothing from him,he doesn’t even want to see the kids but thats his choice. Everything they have I gave them and everything in my house I got. Now I like being on my own in my own company.
Just love yourself and love your kids. Life has a way of giving you just what you need at the right time. God bless and keep you safe!