I’ve been a stay at home mom for the last several years. I have five kids. My relationship with my other half has been rocky. I forgave a lot that I shouldn’t have simply because I didn’t love myself. Now that I’ve been working on myself this last year, my feelings for my other half aren’t there anymore. I’m always thinking about how dirty he’s done me. And even though he’s been better the last two years or so. He still doesn’t appreciate anything I do. Or value me. I know leaving is the best. But I also know he’s gonna try and guilt me into feeling sorry for him. This isn’t gonna be easy. I’m gonna be a single mom to 5 kids, basically with nothing to my name. (We aren’t married, and almost everything is technically his) … I need some kind, encouraging words. Advice etc. I love him. Always will. But I’m not in love with him. I’m finally choosing happiness. For so long, I just wanted to give my kids a family dynamic, but it’s not healthy for them either, and I’m ready to break the cycle
Leaving is never easy, but it ends up being so much less stress! Don’t play the “feel sorry for him” card. He is just as responsible for the children as you are. Father will have to pay child support, DO NOT handle it yourself! Make sure ORS in your state gets involved. Sometimes you may have to get sneaky to find out where he works, but do not feel bad about it if father tries to get out of paying. It took 2 people to make those kids, it will take 2 to support them. Be nice, make sure the children are not in the middle and still get equal time with both parents. Always remember, no matter how bad he was to you, if he didn’t abuse the children, he still should be dad. Good luck, trust me, it gets so much better!
There’s churches that can have donations for people that are in the same boat don’t be ashamed to ask for help for your kids you can do it if you really want too good luck n if you need help you can always pm me xoxoxo it took me 10 years to get away from my 7 year olds dad n I swear I started over more then with him then without him girl your gonna be so happy the kids belongs belong to the kids period do what you gotta do momma I’m hear if you need to talk or help plan anything for you or help you may need
If you have parents to fall back on and you can afford a legal fight, leave. As long as you don’t file for child support, he might leave you alone. Not having financial power is very hard.
Im PROUD of you for finally choosing yourself and your happiness over a man and a toxic relationship. Move on and dont look back. YES its gonna be hard, but you are stronger than you can ever imagine.
Can you financially support the children ,alone?who will provide day care ,after school care ,do you have a car ,a dependable car,where will you live,Is your job secure ,do you have insurance ,can you take off when one of more are sick,will you loose pay ,how will you make that up???do you have money saved if so how long will that last,you need a SOLID plan before you do anything
Do u have a job and a place to live ? I ask are you able to support yourself and your children. Do any of your kids belong to him ? Find a safe place to live. Alot of towns have housing and if you are homeless they will usually put you to the top of the list. Make up your mind your gonna do whatever it takes to make it on your own. I left my ex after 10 years. It waa not always easy but I made it. You can too. There are options for you. Look into what your area has to offer.
I decided that this will be the last year I put up with my husbands shit. I’m a stay at home mom and so I’m in a similar boat. If I left today I would struggle with my 3 kids so… this year I made a goal to become independent from him. Find a job start a savings etc. Now if during this process I decide to stay with him at least I always have that savings as back up. I don’t ever want to be in the situation to struggle with my little buttheads. Now if he is violent then by all means get out now but if you can stay and figure out a way to leave when you are more financially ready then do that. Or don’t it’s your life but I think it would be much easier on you guys.
Look into what you have available to you in terms of community resources. Build a support system of family and friends. Do your best to split with your partner amicably, he’s still a resource too, and they are his kids. If you guys can hash out a cooperative parenting friendship… your kids will benefit from it immeasurably. Include him in things for the benefit of their relationship. Support his parenting bond and he will respect the hell out of you for it. Sometimes it feels like you are making things too easy, but that should be the goal. Your kids need their dad and they need you. They shouldn’t feel caught in the middle. If you two need to fight, do it when you can without the little ears around. Bite your tongue until the right time, this also helps keep your words kinder. When things seem unmanageable take a break. Remind yourself that things are temporary and a step to getting better.
First of All Good For You! You and your kids deserve better yes it may suck you might not have matieral things but thats not important! The Love you have for yourself and your kids is whats important! A leopard never changes spots honeymoon periods last short term… Live your life for You and your kids!! Im Happy for you its tough to leave I give you an Aplus for courage I know how you feel and being unappreciated is the shitiest feeling in the World!
Breaking the CYCLE is the key word because besides you teaching yself to love YOU u will also be teaching your children the same thing and sending a particular message that the way YOU were treated is not how healthy relationships are . I’ve been there and had to re build my world to show my children that dysfunctional relationships are not healthy so GOOD for you .
You got this More than anything. Tell him there is no going back on what you decided you realized your worth and u choose your happiness and your kids and with that you are pleased. You can do it you are amazing and beautiful❤
praying for you . I was in an 8 yr relationship with my kids dad . I didn’t have nothing but my car and clothes I left .never let a man guilt you . We both had faults and communication was just awful and I went through some of the same stuff you have Been through it’s tough . I lost myself horribly but I got out of that . . kids don’t need a perfect mom they need a happy one it’s been hard being a single mom it took a lot of healing but I’m loving who I’m becoming . my boys have literally helped me without them idk where I would be they taught me to be stronger . go for what you want you and those babies come first . I found peace and have a good paying job . Coparenting has been hard but I push through
Leaving will make him appreciate you a tiny bit for his own selfish reasons being that he feels bad he made you leave but he won’t care about your feelings and will continue to make you feel worthless. Unless you do it for you and your babies, it won’t feel as good. Then you have to start new with attitudes, schedules, I mean a whole new life that you want to live in (it will be YOUR life). It will be tough, trying to teach the kids to treat each other and you better. You have to stay calm but firm with everything you do. Live your life where no one carrys you (meaning live like under a microscope) keep it simple. You carry yourself and the accomplishments and secrets. One day you will be able to share them with the right people. People will not be there for you like you would think they should be or maybe if you were there for them. People honestly think about theirselves and lady you HAVE to do that for yourself now. If no one is there to even listen. I will be the one to listen it is so hard (trust me I know exactly how you feel) I have two and it was rough and still is sometimes, it has been over a year but we (boys and I) are happier we have more structure and those moments each day where they listen and love me keep me going!! I promise there won’t be light for a while and you have to do everything to the best of your ability. Feel free to message me. I promise I will be there for you. KEEP YOUR HEAD UP SWEETIE! Save as much money as you can. You need a plan.
Sending you lots of prayers and comfort. You’re brave and smart and free now. It’s all going to be beautiful now. Now that you found your power…you can do anything you put your mind to. Breathe. Take it one day at a time. Make a list of county resources. Support groups…even domestic violence groups can help if it was that toxic and he controlled u and belittled u and even financial abuse you survived and now it is time to find those people just like u and u will rise above…just call your local resource line…health and human services can help! Xoxoxox
I gave my partner chance after chance. I was so unhappy to the point I didn’t want him touching me. He took me for granted. One new years, my resolution was to give him 3 strikes, he wouldn’t know it tho because I tried to tell him so many times & even warned him. One day strike 3 happened, I left for the weekend with my son to stay with family & friends, it felt so good! I came back, walked up to him and said “I’m sorry, but I’m done. I have no feelings or energy left.” He begged to talk and I said “sorry but no, you had all the chances, but nothing changed, nothing was good enough. My mind is made up.” …and that was that. I stayed cool & calm even tho he cried & shouted at me. They just want a reaction. Dont react, stand your ground, no matter how much you want to scream. Cool & calm. You’re happiness is so important! Happy momma means happier kids. good luck!!
Your children need to see their mother happy (you). Regardless whether he is good the kids or not, if youre not happy with him- it will show. Kids arent stupid… don’t stay just because of the kids. Many women (and men) stay in a relationship/marriage they are not happy in ‘because of the kids’. The kids can tell when their parents arent happy…
I learned a few years ago that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. You are strong and can do this! Just always keep fighting!
It’s not going to be easy but if you truly feel the way you do staying in the relationship is not only going to make you unhappy but your children as well. Good luck to you. You got to do what makes you and your kids whole.
Lifes to short to live with someone that you are not happy. Put your faith in God and He will show you the way. It won’t be easy, but he will stay by you all the way through.