I’ll try to keep this short. Basically I have a lot of trust issues with my husband. He has used dating apps to talk sexually with people. He has never met any of them, says it’s just to fulfill fantasies and he’ll stop. He never has actually stopped. I’m tired of it. He also works sun up to sun down, so I don’t see him much. When he is home he finds excuses to be in the garage. If I need him to come in and help me with the kids he does, but it’s brief. I have always struggled with depression and bipolar, so sometimes I feel like I’m the problem. I pick fights and push people away. He makes it seem like our marriage is fine and I’m just having issues in my head. I know everybody will tell me to leave him. But how do you do it with a 2.5 year old and a newborn? I don’t work. I want my kids to have their dad, but I also don’t want to be a part time mom I just feel so alone and I’m really hurting.
Please let this mama know she can pm me
I’m a solo parent of a 3 & 2 year old. I’ve done it on my own the entire time.
I’m here if she needs to talk about that aspect of things.
He’s cheating on you, whether it’s physical or not. If you want to save your marriage, give couples counseling a shot. If he can’t comprehend that he shouldn’t be on dating sites while married with children, leave him. Why? Because your relationship with him sets the example of how men should treat women for your kids…do you want them to think that’s a normal, healthy relationship?
You either need counseling with the both of you or you need to leave. Why would you deal with a cheating husband hes suppose to fulfill those fantasties with you . That’s why yall got married. I’d make him delete every app. That’s just me. And if he refused I’d be filing for divorce. Know your selfworth
You stay because you are afraid. That’s no reason to be in any relationship.
He is cheating.
If you have a supportive family network, leave now.
If not, plan and save. Then get out and move on asap
I feel like a lot of moms struggle with this. They stay home so feel like they’re stuck. Or they don’t want to be a part time mom and share her kids so she stays. I know how hard that decision is. And I’m so sorry you feel like that. But you just have to do what you feel is best for your little family
“He never has actually stopped” are your exact words, if you have proof he hasnt stopped and your not just assuming he hasnt (which I’m not saying you are assuming) then it’s not considered trust issues in my opinion! If he knows it bothers you, said he would stop but didnt and your still having issues then he is making it obvious he doesnt care! If you tried a heart to heart and communicate and it didn’t work then maybe try to separate for a little while and go from there! I’m a little confused on what you think will make you a part time mom however if you separate and give him open access to the kids (weather you make a schedule or just say come see them when you want) then it’s his choice if the kids have their dad, it is not your job to make him be a dad and it will also show you where the kids stand in his priority list! Good luck mama! Just remember either way you are setting an example for them babies on what a relationship should be like!
You have to decide if this is something you can live with or not, because he’s likely not going to change, especially if he doesn’t see that there’s anything wrong.
If he “needs” to fulfill his fantasies… tell him to watch porn like every other man. Even if he hasn’t pursued one of these other girls (but that seems unlikely) then he is emotionally cheating on you. Either way… no bueno.
Make him choose YOU or the apps… Bottom line!! You’ll see after that if he really cares or not… Because regardless if he’s physical or not he IS cheating!! Best of luck Mama!
Even if you’re working, you’re a full time mom. You bust your ass to provide for the kids and do what you have to do for you and them. He can still be dad even if you aren’t together.
I would say start with taking care of you. You cannot pour from an empty cup. A big thing to consider is to start putting money away. Currency [or lack of it] is a game changer-put some away for your needs [and your kids]. Don’t tell anyone, don’t let it get out. Just resolve to start. If it’s using a coupon at the grocery and tucking the money away-that’s a start. Seek more ways to get a fund started, and growing. Start a side hustle-keep as much as you can. It is not wrong-it is sanity. Go to see someone about your anxiety-if you go alone-resolve to get help-if you go to You Tube for free-get your legs under you. An abused woman gave me this advice-best ever. I have paid it forward many times. He may not be physically involved-but he is betraying you. If you are to save your marriage it starts with your care for you. Ever hear a man [without the faintest consideration for his mates many sacrifices] look at another woman and say “she looks like she takes care of herself” It is a slap in the face-but it is a phenomenon too. I wish you a speedy recovery-but the PTSD you are likely suffering prolly will be a slow heal-hugs to you.
Emotional cheating is cheating because the body will follow
Why can he not fulfill these fantasies with you? That is cheating. It doesn’t have to be physical for it to be cheating. He is going elsewhere for satisfaction. If you can accept this and stay with him, fine, but no one deserves to live that way (in my opinion).
I totally disagree with anyone who is telling you to divorce. You need to find ways to reconnect with your husband without the kids around so you guys can talk through your issues. If this doesn’t work try out a marriage counselor.
Oh my God that is my life too! Are you sure your not talking about my life?
I have to wonder about people who have clear issues in their relationships and decide to have kids back to back and then go crying for advice about how they can leave with 2 babies…
And this woman certainly isn’t alone. Many do it. I just don’t understand it. Am I alone in my confusion??
My advice is nut up. You chose to have 2 kids in a failing marriage with a man, who according to you, doesn’t respect your marital boundaries and lies and doesn’t put the effort in. If you decide you don’t want that life now, then step up and fix it. Your choices are therapy, alone, to figure it out (which you should already be in if you’re bipolar), therapy with him (even invite him to your sessions to work with your therapist, which you should already have because you’re bipolar with small children and it would be totally irresponsible to not be under treatment in that situation), or decide he won’t put the effort in and leave him by any means necessary. You can’t force someone to be in love, or give a shit, or put in effort where they don’t see value. Idk if you’ve tried, but if you haven’t, do it. If you have, call mommy and daddy and tell them you’re coming home.
Get a fuckin job and make your own money and move the fuck on.
Ur obviously staying cuz he makes the money and everything is most likely his. Put on your big girl panties and get your own money and get the fuck out. Stop settling cuz u don’t want to be a single fuckin mom
Try counciling with or without him! You could realize you don’t need him or figure out how to deal with the issues you have And work it!