I helped my boyfriend get sober and now he doesn't love me anymore: Do I have a right to be angry?

We went from an extremely toxic relationship to this: He was on meth for ten years. I never knew he was on it when I got with him because I don’t do drugs. We had a baby. He’s left me many many many times in these last three years (our son is 2). He got sober. He’s almost 11 months sober. In the midst of his sobriety, I got him the help he needed. I damn near made him the man he is, and I have loved him through it all. He’s started a new medication. And all of a sudden, he doesn’t love me anymore. I feel confused, lost, and broken. Do I have the right to be angry? Do I have the right to hurt to my core because I thought this time was different? Or am I an idiot and should hate myself because it ended the same as it always has?

44 Likes

Run, he doesn’t deserve you.

3 Likes

He is doing what he has to do

1 Like

You have the right to feel the way you do. But hunny you deserve so much better than that. He doesn’t deserve you at all.

3 Likes

I think you have the right to be angry and hurt but then you need to sit back and realize that is the best thing that could have happened for your child. Focus on yourself and child a the person you are meant to be will find you.

3 Likes

Now he have to learn to love his self first, sadly for you. You have all the right to be sad for you.

You have the right to all your feelings. And even though it hurts eventually you will be better off.

You have the right to be angry but you need to understand that he is bettering himself and has moved forward. Process the loss and move forward yourself.

2 Likes

Ask him what he loved about you when he was on meth. Then ask him what has changed. Don’t hate yourself. You brought him to be clean.

1 Like

Could it be a side effect from his new med? Like messing with his moods or something? Look up possible side effects.

1 Like

My guess is he is 100% a different person off drugs. Be glad he is sober for your kids and move on with your life. A counselor could probably help you a lot as well.

8 Likes

You have every right to be angry! But, don’t let it consume you. You seem to be a great person. The right one will appreciate you! Get mad. Yell, scream, maybe even throw something. Then, let it go and enjoy your life with your baby. Good luck!

1 Like

Run away before he " loves " you again

10 Likes

Of course you have a right to be angry, but running is not the answer.

I have known my husband for three years and it is a journey for the both of you guys.

I think maybe he’s at a low point. I don’t think he doesn’t love you I think he is battling struggles.

Ppl will call me stupid for supporting you and him but from the way I’ve helped my husband I know from first hand of things…
If you need any advice you can PM me

2 Likes

You have the right to feel how you feel most definitely. Unfortunately you are now part of a past he seeks to leave behind. So sorry.

Addiction is a terrible thing. It sounds like you helped your son’s father and for that your son will be a healthier, happier person in life. You have every right to feel the way you do, but you also need to heal and move on. You have to take care of yourself to be the best mom you can be. I’d suggest reading codependent no more. It’s a great book and will help you get over what you had to go thru to get him sober. Be patient with yourself mama. This isn’t easy and the aftermath of the addict is terrible. Take care!

1 Like

You have the right to feel that way.
Buuut…
he fell in love with you when he was a user, a totally different person. He is a new man now that he is sober, and as much as it hurts, you aren’t who he believes he needs anymore.
Be thankful your son has a sober daddy :blue_heart:

4 Likes

You’re not an idiot. You’re an amazing person. But you need to stop working on him and work on yourself. Been there! You deserve better!!!

Don’t hate yourself. You loved him. You did everything that a good girlfriend should have done. But he sounds like it is time to move on. Grieve. Take time to get through this difficult time. You deserve better. In the future you will be so happy you arnt with him anymore.

Maybe he feels like you were an enabler?