I know my boyfriend is cheating but I am ignoring the signs: Advice?

This will be a long read, but please read it. I am 20 years old and confused and frustrated. I’m having trouble with my boyfriend, and I feel like I’m in denial and/or ignoring clear signs that he is cheating on me. We used to have really great communication and trust. But it seems like since we’ve gotten more serious/closer, it’s like we’re having consistent issues. There was one specific weekend back in November where he lied about being out of town, I saw him in the background of one of my friend’s videos on social media, and indeed he was not out of town; he was in our city. I asked him why he lied, and if it was easier for him to lie rather than just tell me he didn’t wanna hang, he said yes. That whole situation was weird because we are with each other every single day. There would be no reason he wouldn’t want to see me for a whole weekend. I’m the one who wants and needs my personal space and alone time. So anyways, past that now, several weeks back, he went to the doctor, and we go to college, so they automatically supply you with condoms. He brought them home, threw them in his drawer, and I didn’t really think much of it. At this time, I was very confident in our relationship; for a split second, I thought, “why doesn’t he just throw them away?” But I didn’t really care, and I let it go. WE do NOT use condoms. That’s why this is significant. I have found other girls’ hairs before in his room, I’ve addressed them a few times, but he’s a boy and hasn’t vacuumed his carpet in months. Hair just gets picked up and dropped in random places. I am blonde; I was finding black/brown hairs. I let it go. I shed a lot myself. But just a few days ago… I hadn’t slept at his house for a few days. I went into his room, simply moved the pillow that I sleep on every single night, and there was black synthetic hair underneath the pillow. Mind you… it was not there 2-3 days ago when I was sleeping there… so how did it all of a sudden get there? He got defensive. I said to him, please don’t mistake me for being dumb. He got angry, and I was walking out the door, and he said “we’re done. We’re done”. He broke up with me. Two hours later, we were back together. He was texting me about how we have no trust, and he has no reason to cheat, and I just accuse him of things so that I can go off and have fun with other guys. Simple, not true. He admitted to me the other day he used to cheat all the time with his previous girlfriends in college, but at this “point in his life, he doesn’t want to do that anymore.” I would also like to add we have a 10/10 sex life. I mean immaculate. This is the real kicker. Last night for whatever reason, I checked the drawer where he put the condoms. Last I checked, there were 16… now there are 14. His friend was over, so I didn’t bring it up. I went to bed and didn’t speak to him at all. I left this morning without speaking to him. I literally recounted three different times. How do I bring this up to him? How do I avoid him manipulating me into believing he didn’t cheat on me? How do I go about admitting that I looked through his drawer? He’s going to get defensive about it, and I know it. I wish he would just admit it; it would make things a lot easier and make me feel like I’m not crazy.

33 Likes

It sounds like he is and you deserve so much better. Please know your worth <3

1 Like

I agree with the user above. Its hard to leave the relationship. trust me i ended up walking out on a 11 year relationship. but if you are not getting what you want out of the relationship and you have feelings like gut feelings that he is cheating or you have seen something that connects cheating habits then back out! you are only 20 you have a whole life ahead of you ! trust me i know its hard a first but it will get better with time! Hopefully you have some amazing friends that can be there with you to help you out !

Leave him and find someone else that doesn’t do stuff like that

3 Likes

Girl you’re 20 years old. Time to move on and find better. Both of you are young and in college and if things are like this it will never change.

7 Likes

He’s cheating on you and you know it also you’re way to young with no strings break up and move on with your life

2 Likes

You don’t have to bring it up. You need to leave him. You already have your reasons and he doesn’t need an explanation because he already knows!! Stop wasting your time!!

8 Likes

If you know he’s cheating why are you staying in something that makes you miserable? You are very young with your whole life ahead of you and this is not love…this is a toxic relationship and he’s already proven to you that he will lie to you without any remorse…you are setting yourself up for failure by staying…I’m sorry but just because the sex is good that doesn’t mean anything…he is young and in college not most men are ready (especially these days) to settle down…I know it’s hard but he just wants his cake and to eat it too…do not confuse orgasms with love number one mistake people of all ages make…

3 Likes

Your only 20. Move on. Your way to young to be worring about this.

7 Likes

Leave. Move on. You deserve better.

2 Likes

Please just walk away. You’re young and deserve better than having to play detective. At this rate you’ll catch an STD from whoever else he is sleeping with, get pregnant or both. It’s not worth it. Just walk away and enjoy your life. You have no ties to him

5 Likes

By him saying that YOURE looking for something so you can go hang out with other guys is him projecting his guilt on to you. You have all the signs right there in front of you. Let him know that you want to have an adult conversation about how you’re feeling and what’s on your mind and if he can’t sit there and listen to you without getting defensive and turning it back around on you, then he isn’t the one for you. Don’t feel bad about going through his things either because he has not reassured you in any type of way or had a real conversation about your concerns so it really leaves you with no choice but to figure it out on your own. I’m sorry you’re going through this but remember, everything will work out the way it’s supposed to :yellow_heart:

4 Likes

He has no respect for you and doesnt treat you as an equal if he will lie, cheat on you. Leave

1 Like

Leave ! Move on your 20!
He will get karma served to him …and you will be reward once you let go of the crap :v::heart:

1 Like

You are young and you want to believe him. With that said, you know what is going on. You want our permission to say leave, so run girl. Run and don’t look back. You deserve so much better.

3 Likes

Leave , move on , you’re so young and shouldn’t ever have to wonder if someone who loves you , is cheating on you. If they love you , they dont cheat , nor would they avoid you in social situations or be lying to you. Do what’s best for you , run , get away from him and never look back!

Just leave him. No point in keep bringing it up to him. He isnt going to admit it. Leave before he gives you a disease.

Don’t confuse temporary people with lifetime expectations…that’s where the trouble is

1 Like

That is tooooo much work and energy to put into someone to just have to ask strangers if how you are feeling is justified and how to bring it up? Lol what has happened everytime you have brought something up? Lol don’t bring it up dont justify it, just be done! No excuses no hesitation just be done for YOU AND YOUR OWN PIECE OF MIND💞

Yeah I’d just be getting my belongings and telling him you’re done and cutting all ties. Block on everything and that’s that- you’ll find much better and you’re way too young to deal with stuff like this. You’ll find a real man