"I’m a mom of 4, and I recently moved to my in-law’s home for about a year and a half due to landlord issues. The issue is that I’m having a really hard time getting the rules established as to how to educate my kids with their diet, sleep times, the time with electronics.
For some reason, his mom and dad keep showing my kids bad habits, I’ve spoken to them on 3 occasions in the time I’ve been living with them, and they seem to comply for about a week, but then the issues continue.
I am desperate for advice. My 5-year-old has panda eyes due to the electronics because they seem to keep unlocking the phone at night time. My two year old has had surgery on her teeth (caps to stop cavity) due to the fact that my mother-in-law gives her about an 8-ounce cup of milk, soda, juice in her sippy cup 4-5 times a day and one more at night, and they are starting to unlock her a phone at night time.
My 11-year old I can control just fine because he understands perfectly what is right from wrong, but not my little ones. Oh, and my fourth baby is two months old."
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“If you’re not gonna move out, then put your foot down. Where are you when they are being given things to drink that you don’t want them to have? Where are you to make sure they brush their teeth? Why don’t you take the phones at night?”
“If you want your own rules then move out and get your own place.”
“You need to move out, sweetie. Some grandparents can’t be taught and it’s better to move out than ruin your relationship.”
“Better off finding your own place. Never live with inlaws… They don’t respect you enough to listen to the rules of bringing up your kids. If you are there when they give said items or do what you don’t like. Step up and parent them.”
“Then get your own place? I get landlord issues, but a year and a half ago!? Grandparents are meant for children to have FUN. Not to live with and try to raise kids with. It would be different if you lived on your own and they were butting in that much.”
“Where are you when this is happening though? Maybe you should take them somewhere else for daycare if it’s while you’re at work or something. If you’re there and they are undermining you, that is a big issue that they need to respect you as the parent.”
“You need to let them know it’s not okay. If they still do it then you just need to move out. You can’t be fighting with them in their own home. They shouldn’t be making their own rules but you do live with them so there’s not much you can do unless your going to be running around making sure the kids are mostly with you to make sure they don’t do what they want with your child. I had the same issue and I tried to have my kid at all times to prevent from others in the family doing whatever they wanted and I made sure to move out within a certain time to not have more issues for when my next baby came because you also just don’t fight with people in their own home. Best thing to do is live on your own!”
“That’s what grandparents are for!!! Fun and not many rules. I suggest moving out then. You just moved into their place but you blame them for the cavities? Where are you during all of this? Confused a bit here.”
“You cannot live in your in-laws home and expect to put down rules. That’s their home. Be glad they even let you stay there. Lots of parents wouldn’t.”
“Explain to them that they are actually hurting their health, and take away anything that they give the children in front of them EVERY SINGLE TIME IT OCCURS to drive the picture home that you are over it and that you are serious… tip the juices out in front of them too, waste all their milk every time they do it they will soon get sick of replacing milk and juices that you keep tipping out…if it continues move out.”
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