"I married into a great family and have been a part of it for 16 years. But no matter what I do, I have zero input on family discussions.
I am not talking legal or medical conferences, but essential discussions nonetheless. Something major happens, and it’s a family meeting, and I turn into the babysitter who watches all of the kids.
Some of my feelings have to do with the fact that my family is 1500 miles away, so I am not much involved in things with them either. I just feel like my opinion isn’t valued or wanted in either family, and it’s annoying and lonely.
Even my husband isn’t telling me the whole story about what is happening. Sorry for the rant, this just isn’t the first time I have felt this way, and it’s frustrating."
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“If you’re not important to them, then why go to these meetings? If I were u I would refuse to go and be used as the babysitter. Sod that! If I am not good enough to be involved even by my own husband… then they can find a new babysitter. Stand your own ground. Refuse to be made to feel like that. If you go, then you’re adding to your own frustration. Go out or say you have your own plans.”
“Felt that way for 14 years. I have a horrible family who walked out on me when my dad died. Met a great guy but his family has never & will never accept me. At least they let you babysit. I’m not even allowed in the house. And I’ve done nothing wrong but treat their son with genuine love. I wish you the best of luck. I know how lonely it is!”
“I’m in a similar boat. But they have no respect for me at all and they don’t even include me in things. Like ever. My husband has had enough of it for the last 7 years, he doesn’t go around them. That was his choice. But at least we can talk and come up with our own solutions in our little family.”
“Just give support when you can. Sometimes we just don’t need to know everything. I was left out for 19 years. But that is how his family was. I was the second wife. I don’t know if that was why or not. Just focus on being a good you.”
“Yup. My MIL just passed away and I am not included on any of the family text messages about the arrangements even though I’ve been a part of the family for 15 years, but the girlfriend of her oldest son gets to make decisions and she only knew mom for 6 months or less. Some people just need to be in charge and brag about what they are doing. I’m staying out of it so I don’t say something I’ll regret later.”
“Make yourself part of the discussion. You’re an adult and perfectly capable of putting yourself in the discussion.”
“The best thing to do is to is to give them the silent treatment and when its family meetings again let your husband know that you not gonna babysit nobodies children you have things to do and when he comes back don’t ask him questions about the meeting even when he tells you about it keep it short best answers to give him is " oh ok " and just keep yourself busy if you can go to your family for a weekend every now and then or if its family meetings go visit a friend, after all, you are part of the family and not a nanny its time to put on your big girl pants and make it clear if they don’t involve you then they shouldn’t expect you to babysit.”
“Have you told your husband or his family how you feel? If you haven’t then you really can’t get mad. Also, if you know they don’t want/ask for your input next time just stay home. Let them figure out what to do with the kids.”
“Don’t worry about it. My own family doesn’t include me in text messages… LOL, I didn’t even notice until I saw everyone’s phones light up but my dad’s and mine. He was happy he didn’t have to reply haha!”
“Stand up to them. Tell them you are part of the family just like everyone else. That you are not going to watch children anymore. That they are not yours. And that you need to start being treated l one. No one does that to me.”
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