I love my step kids but cannot handle the rules set by their mom: Help?

My husband and I have been married for three years. The abuse has been real, to say the least. I have kids from another relationship, and so does he. Before we met and married, he gave his kids to his mom. I tried being the good gf at first, going to his mom’s with him daily to spend time with the kids. They started calling me mom… I DID NOT WANT THAT bc they have a mom, but she’s never been around. I would just always correct them and tell them just to call me by my name. However, one of the kids slipped up one day and called my mom in front of their Nana, and she was not very happy about it; in fact, she said that unless my husband and I got married that the children could not call me anything close to that. As I was already uncomfortable with the situation, I didn’t say anything and went on with my life. I started not wanting the children to come around anymore because of all of the rules that his mother has put in place for his children. They come off as biased towards his kids. They’re not allowed to have red dyes. Be vaccinated. The list goes on and on. It got to the point where I couldn’t keep up with my own kids and the rules of his kids, so I just kind of gave up. My husband and I constantly have fights over the fact that I don’t want his children to come around anymore because I don’t want to deal with all the rules. I know it seems selfish, but his mother just keeps coming up with more and more rules as if she wants me to stay away. I do love his children, but I’m not their care provider, And I’m not allowed to do any of the things that I deal with my own children with them. We now have our own child together, and banana never even calls about our son. He claims I hate his children and that I don’t want them around for other reasons that I’ve already mentioned that is not the case, and I’m lost on what to do. How can I grow to love my stepchildren as much as possible? Our families hardly even come around each other anymore, and it seems to be getting worse for my husband like I said I already do love the children, but I cannot deal with the rules. Any advice is very much appreciated.


You not wanting his kids around is fucking selfish. Boo hoo their primary care provider has rules. Grow up.

Why are his kids with his mom and not him? That seems to be the root of the problem and if you remedied that part everything else would fix on its own


Why are they still living with the grandma and not you guys?
If they live with you guys you guys set the rules


Hate to say it but if grandma is raising them she makes the rules. He should be taking care of his own kids.


Exactly why doesn’t he take his kids and raise them. Then her rules won’t matter


Maybe it’s time to step up and for your husband to take back custody if HIS children


Let him take care of his own kids. Smh. If she’s raising his kids she makes the rules. Tell him to man up and take responsibility. Why did he have more kids if he cant take care of the ones he already has? Just curious. Not trying to be a dick that’s a legit question.


If he gave his children away to his mom, she gets to make the rules. It doesn’t matter what you think honestly. She raises them, it’s her decision. Your husband should man up and raise his own kids!


Why not try to get custody of them and you adopt them as your own. Then y’all can do as you please with them.


They are his children and if he doesn’t want to abide by HIS moms rules for the kids then that’s his choice bc they are his kids and not hers. He needs to put his foot down, if he wanted his kids to be there they’d be there with y’all and you wouldn’t have a choice. :woman_shrugging:t2: but I also think you need to just make your own parenting decisions when you have them at your house. If they can’t have red dye for medical reasons then so be it, it gives my daughter nightmares so I try to avoid it as well. Seems like moms a little bitter that y’all can handle your children together but you don’t want to get his kids back from her. She’s probably over raising children. :roll_eyes:


Weird that he doesn’t have his own kids. I mean, their mom left, so custody goes to him. Yall are obviously okay financially, so … why are his kids w his mom? Sounds like he wants to parent when its convenient to him. But I will say that as long as the kids are with her, she can make the rules. Either he gets his kids with him, and yall do family therapy, or … you can call it quits and be done with that type of drama.


You sound really whiny and your “man” should be raising his own kids.


They are HIS KIDS. If you don’t like it LEAVE. Those kids should come before you anyway! You can’t not let his kids come around because you don’t “like the rules” that’s insane. It isn’t the kids fault.


If you can’t love his children as your own (regardless of Nana’s rules) maybe you should move on…
They will ALWAYS be his children


If he is daddy then have the kids living with daddy. Common sense. His mother raised her damn kids she isn’t mama to her grandkids. She dont know her place because he ain’t doing his job. I would either have him get his kids back and cut out the bullshit parenting or leave and never look back.

Unfortunately if dad doesnt want to parent and asked his mom to do it you have to respect it. I personally would want to know what and why a parent let’s their kids go be raised by their parent… red flags… hope he fathers up and raises his own kids.


Why would you marry a man that wasn’t raising his children? And why would you have a child with that said man?


He needs to man up instead of name calling. They are his kids and yet it sounds to me that he doesn’t or doesn’t want to have any say in their upbringing? This is not sounding like a very stable relationship. As far as his mothers is concerned, he needs to stand by your side and tell her to back off and shut up. Good luck.


Having rules , as crazy as they maybe to you , is not a valid reason for not wanting them babies around . If you can’t love and accept those babies as your own , you need to re-evaluate your marriage .