I Really Feel Like My 14-MO Baby Doesn't Like Me At All: Advice?

QUESTION:

Do any of you ever feel like your kid just doesn’t care about you? My daughter is 14 months & I feel like we’ve never had a ‘bond.’ Sometimes she’s sweet to me when it’s just the 2 of us, but as soon as she sees her grandparents or her dad, she just wants them. (We live with her grandparents btw.)

When it’s her & I, she will cry for her grandma to pick her up even though I’m right there. There are even times where I will go to take her out of her grandparent’s arms & she will scream her head off and cry.

As for her dad, as soon as he gets home from work every day, she runs up to him, saying, ‘dada dada’ & hugs his legs for him to pick her up. When I leave the house by myself for a while & I come home, she acts like I don’t even exist. Like she didn’t miss me and she doesn’t care that I’m home now.

Idk I’ve just been feeling this way for a while now. It’s sad to see the girl you gave birth to, the girl you take care of every day (I’m a SAHM) not be affectionate towards you whatsoever. I’ve given up my whole life for her & she doesn’t even care that I’m her mom. I swear I could disappear right now & she wouldn’t even care or feel sad."

RELATED QUESTION: I Feel Like I’m Not Close Enough with My Child: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Sweetheart, I really think this is more your insecurity than anything your daughter is feeling. I stayed home with my twin girls, they were never really affectionate to me, it just wasn’t their personalities. And Daddy and Namna were far more exciting, they weren’t always there. But I knew that was normal, it wasn’t that they didn’t like me, they just took my presence as a given. Which is perfectly normal for a child to do. Please don’t let these insecurities manifest into real problems between the two of you.”

“Sounds like it’s just because you are a stay at home mom and she is almost always with you. While the others are not so she is more excited to see them when they are there.”

“I obviously don’t know the situation well as I can only go off of what you’re describing but it sounds to me like you might have a bit of postnatal depression. She’s only 14 months, of course, she loves her mamma. There’s no one else in the world who could compare to you. I’m also a SAHM and have felt this way in the past. It turned out it was my own depression that was bringing things down. She probably does take you for granted more because you are ALWAYS there. My son was the same. He’s just started nursery and now when I go to pick him up he is a lot more affectionate. Just give things time. Always try your best and everything will fall into place. Kids tend to go through phases of who they like more anyways. This stage won’t last forever. Just keep loving her.”

“I’m going to guess she’s with you a vast majority of her day. She is used to you being home with her so she never really misses you. You are the one she trusts the most to never leave her and she knows you would never hurt her so sometimes we are their favorite most important person but feel like they don’t like us. I have 3 kids 3 and under and a 9 yr old I know how you feel momma. She loves you more than anyone in this world and trusts you beyond words to always love and be here for her.”

“She sees you all day every day. Seeing someone out of routine is going to be exciting for every kid. Her behavior sounds normal to me. Don’t take it to heart.”

“You are the constant in her life. You are the one person she knows who will be there… who will always come back. But Everyone else’s presence is sporadic therefor making it like a treat. When we get excited to see someone we haven’t seen in a while we get the same way, only time feels different for kids. So even tho they might have just seen her not long ago it’s still the best thing ever. My toddler is the same way, and it’s okay to feel that way. Mirroring what others have said, I don’t think it would hurt talking to your doctor about possible postpartum depression.”

“My kids did this at some point. It was just because I was always there. But when I was working they would do the same to their father. They outgrew it. It’s just a phase.”

“I have 4 kids and they are all so different. 1 of mine tells me all the time she loves her daddy more and it hurts but I tell her it’s okay. I love her daddy too. Hang in there, Momma. Your whole family would notice if you disappeared.”

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47 Likes

Maybe she just takes you for granted? Because you’re there more than anyone else.

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Sweetheart, I really think this is more your insecurity than anything your daughter is feeling. I stayed home with my twin girls, they were never really affectionate to me, it just wasn’t their personalities. And Daddy and Namna were far more exciting, they weren’t always there. But I knew that was normal, it wasn’t that they didn’t like me, they just took my presence as a given. Which is perfectly normal for a child to do. Please don’t let these insecurities manifest into real problems between the two of you.

20 Likes

Sounds like it’s just because you are a stay at home mom and she is almost always with you. While the others are not so she is more excited to see them when they are there.

7 Likes

I obviously don’t know the situation well as I can only go off of what you’re describing but it sounds to me like you might have a bit of post natal depression. She’s only 14 months, ofcourse she loves her mamma. There’s no one else in the world who could compare to you. I’m also a SAHM and have felt this way in the past. It turned out it was my own depression that was bringing things down. She probably does take you for granted more because you are ALWAYS there. My son was the same. He’s just started nursery and now when I go to pick him up he is a lot more affectionate. Just give things time. Always try your best and everything will fall into place. Kids tend to go through phases of who they like more anyways. This stage won’t last forever. Just keep loving her :heart:

5 Likes

She sees you all day every day. Seeing someone out of routine is going to be exciting for every kid. Her behavior sounds normal to me. Don’t take it to heart

4 Likes

My three year old has gone through stages where he only wanted me for months straight and then suddenly only wanted Daddy for weeks/months.

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You chose to give up your world for her, as she didn’t ask to be born.

14 months is still possible to feel affects of post partum.
She is with you all the time, its normal enough that I wouldn’t over think it. Do you guys get to get out of the house regularly? Walks and parks and stuff?

Yes its stages.my daughter did it. Whenever I played with her she never laughed but when anyone else played with her she would. She used to call my mom mummy and me by my name at first.broke my heart. But now she is 4 and sticks to me like glue.

My 3 year old always says he hates me

1 Like

I’m going to guess she’s with you a vast majority of her day. She is used to you being home with her so she never really misses you. You are the one she trusts the most to never leave her and she knows you would never hurt her so sometimes we are their favorite most important person but feel like the dont like us. I have 3 kids 3 and under and a 9 yr old i know how you feel momma. She loves you more than anyone in this world and trusts you beyond words to always love and be here for her

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My kids did this at some point. It was just because I was always their. But when I was working they would do the same to their father. They out grew it. It’s just a fase.

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Hug her lots. Do things together. Don’t stress about it. My Mum beat herself up for feeling like this about me and felt like I didn’t like/love her. We spent years wondering this about each other until it all came out one day. Sadly I only had a few years having a great relationship with her before she died. You are with her all day so anyone else is exciting - the SAH parent usually gets this so don’t worry.

When you leave and then come home is everyone else around you excited to see you? Maybe she is just mimicking how everyone else is? Idk how it is when her dad comes home but I know when my sons dad comes home I get all excited saying how I missed him and what not and my son does the same kinda just follows by example. Although I think it would resolve itself over time I hope you can find a way to feel better as soon as possible❤

You are the constant in her life. You are the one person she knows who will be there… who will always come back. But Everyone else’s presence is sporadic therefor making it like a treat. When we get excited to see someone we haven’t seen in a while we get the same way, only time feels different for kids. So even tho they might have just seen her not long ago it’s still the best thing ever. My toddler is the same way, and it’s okay to feel that way. Mirroring what others have said, I don’t think it would hurt talking to your doctor about possible postpartum depression.

2 Likes

I’ve learned with my 2 kids, that each one is SO different. My oldest, is a mamas boy since birth, and he still is (8yr old). My youngest (16 months) isnt a cuddly kid, and never has been. I doubted myself as a mom because I felt he didnt love me like my oldest because he is so distant. But I’ve come to learn just how different my kids are, and embracing their differences has strengthened the bond with my youngest. He likes his space and is really independent, and me letting go of my insecurities and loving him just the way he is, has helped tremendously!

She loves you mom! Stop doubting already. Be grateful she has a big family that she loves.

My oldest was like this. Always wanted my mom. Not that we didn’t/don’t have a bond. I think when he was tiny he felt my nervousness, anxiety then when he got older grandma let him do anything he wanted.

My daughter was just the opposite. It was only me who could hold her, feed her, change her etc. She hated her father, would scream constantly even if he was just in the house. Both were hard to deal with.

My boys are the opposite. Constantly up my ass and I would give anything to be ignored by them for a full 5 minutes.