I think my husband is a narcissist: Advice?

At what point do you realize it’s PTSD, depression, ADHD, or narcissism? I’m at a loss. I’ve been married for almost four years now. In the beginning, when my husband and I were dating and the first nine months of our marriage, it was long distance due to his job. He was so charming; he knew the hell I’d been through in previous relationships and vowed to be different. He promised me the world, and honestly, I fell for it. Fast forward to moving in together, and honestly, it’s been hell. He can’t communicate. I have to walk on eggshells constantly. I can say the simplest thing as it could potentially set him off. Then there’s no talking once he’s been set off. It’s the silent treatment. He says it’s to “punish me” because he knows I would rather talk things out. He has a problem with alcohol. It makes him really aggressive and means. He says it’s not a problem though, that he could quit if he wanted. He has no will power though; he knows his limits and will even say I’m not going past this amount etc because I don’t want to be mean to you, but it’s like he can’t stop himself. Once he starts, he loses all control. He cuts me down every single day whether it’s about my weight, me being a bad mom, the house, my personality, my family etc I wait on him hand and foot always have, he will even tell you this, but he says that doesn’t make someone a good spouse. He threatens to punch me and throw me out of windows over really small things, but he’s never done anything physical except push me and throw things at me. Mostly just yells, screams cuts me down, etc I have never met anyone who can say the meanest vilest things he comes to with and feel zero remorse. I wonder often how he is even human. He’s a monster, yet he thinks he’s an incredible person. You can’t mention anything to him as he automatically will turn his faults to you. He shifts the blame immediately. Nothing is ever his fault. Anyhow, I could go on and on. But he said he would seek help so he went to a doctor and he said they said it was just ADHD and gave him so medicine. It’s been a month now, and I can’t see the medication has done a single thing for him. Does any of this sound like ADHD? Everything I read says narcissism, but when I mention it, he flies off the handle. Is there a cure for that? I love my husband, and I know he’s obviously struggling with some serious under demons, and I don’t want to give up on my marriage. Forever, for better or worse, in sickness and in health? And I know he’s sick mentally, and I want to help him, I’m willing to do anything to help him, but I cannot survive this forever.

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Sounds like an asshole to me… leave.

Sounds like you need to get out before he hurts you worse. It’s never gonna change. Run while you still can.

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He’s abusive. Not ADHD.
Also an alcholic. Pretty disgusting.

Get out, nothing will improve.

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Mental illness isnt an excuse to be abusive. :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2:

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You should be out of that unhealthy “relationship” already.

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He sounds like a nasty controlling twat & your seeing past that because you love him & are married to him, he will never change

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Run while you can before you know it he will strip you of everything that makes you a person

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Not to mention if he’s behaving like this in front of your children you can soon expect that behavior from them children learn what they live

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LEAVE!!! Why stay after the insults and pushing!!! Run far far away!!!

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First of all, NEVER BELIEVE WORDS. Actions girl, gotta see that shit to believe it. Second of all, leave. I know it’s simpler said than done but it has to be done. Don’t waste your life trying to put a name to his bullshit because it’s just that! Bullshit!! Don’t try to diagnose it, you won’t be able to do anything after that anyways. Just get out

There is no cure for narcissism. He may have other issues that can be fixed, but you will always be in a high maintenance relationship if you stay with him. You can’t fix him and you shouldn’t have to.

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I would go ahead and leave. It will not get any better. And unless there are children involved, cut all communication with him off. If you dont all he will do is try to suck you back into the toxic relationship with false promises. If he wanted to change, he would have already. He doesnt see a problem with his actions and probably doesnt care which is why he is still acting this way.

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Regardless of what it is…if he doesn’t treat you right, none of the above is a legitimate excuse. Leave if he’s going to treat you like that

Sounds like narcissism. What’s the medication? Did you research it and see what it’s used to treat?

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Leave it’s not gonna change

It’s definitely Narcissism.

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Narcissist mixed with alcohol = my life…
And no they can’t and won’t change

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Why haven’t you left?
Why do you tolerate this treatment?
How would you advise a close female if she were in such a relationship???

He displays heavy traits of a narcissist.

I speak from experience because your story is similar to what mine was. My sons dad was an alcoholic and a narcissist. It was a fairytale in the beginning. He’d swoon me with words and expensive gifts. He paid attention to everything I said and made me feel like he was different. Once we moved in together, it changed.

I realized that there was a problem, but I didn’t know what it was. He would flirt with girls in front of me and say I’m being crazy when I confront him about it, he would block me from everything when we would fight and then come home drunk, he would make me feel so small, and like I was worthless. I did everything I could to make him happy. Pretty much like a wife, but we weren’t married.

He promised to get help and go to therapy when I found out I was pregnant, but he manipulated the therapist into thinking he was fine. So he stopped going. Then he started drinking again and everything got worse…

Everything was my fault and he would get jealous when the spotlight would be on me at his friends gatherings. He wouldn’t come home sometimes until one night I caught him texting another girl and I threw his stuff out of my house. Never looked back.

It’ll never get easier. Mental and emotional abuse is awful because you’re tricked into thinking you’re the problem. You have a big decision to make because it’ll get worse. Trust me.

I’m a single mom and he recently decided to give up his rights, so I no longer have to coparent with him.

I hope you make the right choice for your mental health and sanity. Good luck hun.

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