I think my kids are being treated differently than my SOs kids: Help?

So my is going away for a long time. My mother in law IDK if she likes to thinks she’s helping me out what. But my so and I have four Lil kids, and she likes us to go stay with her every few weeks. Well, I noticed she takes my.so older kids to expensive places and buys them expensive toys. I feel like my kids are less than. I just feel like shes a flake. I always see her buying them expensive toys.and my kids get hand me downs. Not fair IDK how to approach her. Cause anything u say to her, she gets defensive. But it’s been brought up several times.

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Tell her to treat all y’all’s kids the same or stop completely cause it isn’t fair

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My stepdads sister use to do the same thing. She’d take my step siblings out to shop and didnt do a thing for us because we weren’t her blood. My mom said either you treat them all equally or you won’t take any of them to do anything anymore. But it never did changed, we were always treated differently by his family.

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Are your children her biological grandchild? If not that may be the issue

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Yep, treat them all the same or quit going over there. If you’re noticing it, know that kids notice that stuff too. :broken_heart:

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You need to have a conversation with your husband and he needs to address his mother! This behavior is not acceptable and if she continues you should remove your children from the situation.

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If they’re not her biological gkids then thats probably why she treats them differently. Its not fair, but niether is life. You can’t expect her to feel the same for your kids that she does her actual Gkids. I however would stop the visits with my kids and she can talk to your SO about seeing her real gkids. Then I’d spoil my kids while his are being spoiled by their Gma. I’m not for forcing someone to love my kids like their own, its fake and only causes resentment on both ends. I’d also explain to my kids some people don’t have the kind of heart to love beyond their own family. Thats just me, me and my kids don’t need anyone who doesn’t need us.

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I went through the same thing when I we become legal guardian of my husbands nieces. As all the kids were in the same house at this point my little kids began to notice the difference in treatment and would cry to me for questions. My husband and I had a talk with his parents and stated that all kids are to be treated equally or there will be no visits. Might seem harsh but I won’t allow any of the the kids to be treated anything but equal, because no ones any less or anymore then the other. I felt if I allowed it to continue I was allowing all 4 children to think it was ok to treat other that way and that’s not in my parenting style.

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Tell the kids to refuse the bs she tries. Tell them to tell her or ask her why she is being ugly

It could be just because they are younger and gifts are just what makes them happy. I know as mine got older that’s when I bought more expensive gifts.

It’s been addressed many times and nothing has happened, yet you continue to put your children in that situation! Time to make stand and stop going to see or stay with her!

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My dads(stepdad but he’s my dad raises me since I was 4) mother did this to us every year until my dad went off on her and stopped going over there for holidays until she realized what she was doing was wrong and hurtful

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Stop bringing them over there. If she gets upset about it tell her you don’t feel like your kids are being treated fairly and you won’t continue to bring them where you don’t feel they are welcome and included. Maybe she will get the hint.

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My mil always tried to treat my son better than my daughter. I told her if she doesn’t but equally that the gifts😃

Do not let them do your kids that way had the same problems my kids are grown now and remember it

Is it maybe just that the older kids have different wants and needs than your little kids? Like I take my 5 year old to different places now and they’re usually more expensive than I’d take a younger child. Also the stuff she wants is typical more expensive as she gets older versus the stuff she had as a baby.

She gets defensive so that you back off. Don’t. Don’t ever let anyone treat your children differently. Make it clear. I don’t need you to but everyone things, let alone expensive things, but if you can’t buy them all something then don’t buy any of them anything. And if she continues give it back immediately and then limit her time with them. If she continues then she needs to to get cut off until she acts appropriately. Make it clear that SHE is the one VERY wrong in her behavior.

I live with my partners family that does that :triumph::thinking: its. A pile of shit. I want my own place but my partners credit got fucked by his ex letting a car go to repo. So we have a lot of work to do before we can even close get out of here reasonably on our own. I say compleatly avoid her. She wont make an effort in the kids life you and they dont need it

No ideas, unfortunately… I have family members on my father’s side that treated my half siblings like less than and talked shit about how “they aren’t family” after my dad passes away. Oddly enough, I don’t talk to any of them anymore but a couple of my siblings keep in contact with those same family members. I don’t think there’s anything you can do to change an unfair bias like that.

Just talk to her, its that easy. She might just be doing it because the kids are older that they wont ruin these expensive toys and act decent at places. and their dad is going away so she might be trying to get their attention off of that. Their older so they understand whats going on with their father. And it didnt sound like their mother was involed. Not saying its okay to treat the others differently but your mil might see it differently than you. Just talk to her and voice how you feel. Nothings going to change if you dont speak up.

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