I want a big wedding but my fiance doesn't: Advice?

My SO & I got engaged in 2018. We’ve been together for 9 years. I always dreamed of marrying him, having a wedding, wearing a wedding dress, and being surrounded by all of those we love for our big day. We were thinking of just having a smaller wedding of 100 people. I even went to try on wedding dresses today just to get an idea of sizing, styles, etc. The thing is, my SO mentioned when I got home that he’d like to go on a short vacation for a week just me and him and then have a small dinner party at home when we’re back after signing papers. I do like the idea; however, when he said that, I felt my heart sink a little bit. I know it sounds beautiful. I want to want that too. But I can’t help wanting to be able to wear a wedding dress and have an actual wedding. I also want to see our families come together that day. I’ve been so excited about planning, etc. I feel like I’m a total brat, but I can’t help how I feel. Have any of you been in this situation? I wasn’t even sure what to say to be honest.


Aww. I feel so bad I totally get the letdown. You waited a long time for that proposal and we all dream of our wedding day. I think you should sit down and really tell him how you feel about it.

Had small wedding in his parents backyard lot of food n cake n enjoyed not breaking our income budget;”) yes wore a wedding dress n him suit 30 yrs n no regrets

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The wedding is more for the bride than the groom kind of thing, talk to him about your dream of wearing a pretty dress and having flowers and your loved ones around. You’re only going to do this once with him and you want it to be very special. Keep it small, you can have a nice wedding that isn’t super expensive and go on a honeymoon together.

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Have a medium wedding. You can wear a wedding dress to any size wedding. Dont let anyone take that away from you. Maybe just family and a few close friends. You can still have all the wedding hoopla without a tremendous amount of people

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Have a church wedding ceremony with the dress and friends and family in attendance without a reception. Then go on vacation and have a small dinner party after. You both get what you want.

It all comes down to talking to him. Tell him how excited you were for this wedding. If it’s because of the budget, compromise. Ask him why he wants to take a vacation all of a sudden and then really take into account what he says. After the wedding day, the 2 of you will be husband and wife so you’ll both need to talk through much harder things than this later on down the line. If it’s what you really want, communicate and come to a place where you both can compromise.


Tell him how you feel. Come to some sort of compromise. I definitely don’t regret having a wedding. Mine was absolutely huge and beautiful. However something smaller would have been nice too. I loved wearing the dress and having my friends and family around. I’m divorced now, but I’ve discussed getting married to my new SO. We’ve decided to just do a small cookout if we do it. It would be his first marriage and that’s all he ever wanted to do if he did get married. Nothing big. Personally I’d go for the small wedding. Low key, and try to figure out how to afford the week long honeymoon he wants still afterwards. Maybe it’s just a money thing for him, and not so much not wanting the wedding.

I got married in September last year and my husband wasn’t a fan of having a big wedding either he’d have been happy enough for us to just go to a registry office just me and him but I wanted the big wedding and although it was worth it I spent 3 years planning and we spent 3 years saving for it and it is stressful planning a big wedding, you have so many people voicing their opinions it can become a lot to handle and deal with to be honest and I can understand why people opt to just do something simpler and smaller. I threw in the towel a few times and wanted to just elope but in the end it was so worth it. If you’s decide to go down the route of having a big wedding don’t sweat the small stuff and worry about silly things like your chair sashes not exactly matching the bridesmaids dresses because at the end of the day no one even notices. Be aware that mistakes and things will happen on the day, everything won’t go 100% perfect but honestly when it came to it I didn’t care I was enjoying myself too much and wondered why I worried so much to begin with. Yous need to sit down and have a conversation about it and compromise somewhere

Every LITTLE GIRL DREAMS OF HER FAIRY PRINCESS WEDDING! If the princess wedding is that important, dump the boyfriend and keep dreaming! Princess dreams and fairy tale weddings are the best part of growing up! Right? You have been together for 9 years, just dump him and keep living the Dream, what have you got to loose?

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A wedding day is the Bride’s Day. Let this day be about what YOU want! You can always take a trip. A wedding day usually happens once.

He probs feels big weddings are a waste of money, I agree… My wedding cost under 1000 pound. Perfect day. Don’t need all this extra stuff. I think he is being smart

Have a small wedding and wear the dress then have the vacay.

I think it is important to talk it over with your fiance and come to a decision you both can live with. We got married at the courthouse almost 20 years ago out of necessity. Then planned several different vow renewals so that I could have that experience. In the end we ended up buying a house and taking a cruise instead of renewing our vows. That worked for us. Doesn’t mean that will work for you. If I told my hubs today I wanted to renew our vows and have the shebang he would get to figuring out our finances to make it happen.

Ask your self why you truly want a big wedding. Is it a fairytale fantasy? Is it a financially sounds decision?

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Just Express how you feel and maybe compromise in the middle somewhere. Maybe he is concerned about finances?

You are totally not a “brat” for wanting a wedding. Every girl should be entitled to an affordable wedding with family and friends. I hope it works out.


What is more important? Being with the one you want to spend the rest of your life with or a beautiful wedding?

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If y’all have been living together for 9 years y’all are married just go make it offical and a little vacation then back to work

Let me sum this up for you.
I had a friend that was with her boyfriend for 7 or 8yrs. She had been married before so she was fine just going to the courthouse because she had done the wedding thing. He, however, wanted the wedding. At first it was to be a wedding in vegas, but it all fell apart and so last minute she threw together a real wedding within a few weeks… Her husband passed away unexpectedly a year after their wedding. She (being the one who didn’t want a wedding), said multiple times she was glad they had a real wedding because she has the memories and their wedding photos to hold onto…

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