I want a divorce but my husband doesn't: Advice?

I’ve been with my now-husband for almost ten years in January. (since I was 15) We had our first kid at 17 together, got married at 18 then had another kid. We’ve been married for six years, but for a while I have been so resentful and just can’t stand anything he does or says or ANYTHING!! He knows how I feel, I’ve tried asking for a divorce… but he wants to keep trying every time. I always tell him we will, and we do. But this time I’m just so tired of the ups and downs. It’s not just that; he’s always been very controlling; it will never admit it. He hides my clothes he doesn’t like, gets mad when I do things without him, etc etc… lots are BS I’ve delay with I feel like I’ve wasted so much time now:( Here’s my problem I have been a stay at home mom the whole time we’ve been together, (just had our third child 18 months ago) and I have no support besides him. What are my options? In the past, when I’ve asked for a divorce, he says he’s keeping the house and wants 50/50 custody of this kids… yada yada… he gets very mean when it’s not going his way and says this thing. I feel so stuck… any advice will help. thanks, mamas!!

70 Likes

He is a narcissist pure and simple. Do you have any friends or family you could go stay with or has he isolated you from them?

7 Likes

If he’s a good father he should have 50/50 custody. Just because you two don’t work doesn’t mean he shouldn’t get equal time with them. If you want a divorce you’ve just got to go for it and file.

30 Likes

Go talk to a divorce attorney, many offer free consultations. Develop an exit strategy. If you really want a divorce file for it.

4 Likes

Find the closest family services program near you and talk to a counselor about that they can refer you for one free session possibly to speak to an attorney and you can find out what your state laws are but don’t let him bully you anymore

2 Likes

try living away for awhile couple wks at a time

1 Like

If he is a good dad he should have 50/50 and seeing as he pays for the house it probably would be best if he retains it. Honestly I’d suggest going to therapy with him. You have 3 kids together, if there is a chance to make it work then at least try.

21 Likes

As long as you have proof that you’ve been separated for a year there ain’t nothing he can do about it

3 Likes

I was stuck like that. Later on he cheated and left. I have a great guy now and I go anywhere and travel everywhere. You have got to be happy.

2 Likes

He can say what is he keeping and getting, but that’s not guaranteed. Judge gets final say.

4 Likes

He will never change. What he is doing is emotional abuse! Find a local Women’s shelter. They can help you get back on your feet and will not disclose the location they put you up in. I’m not sure if the organization Women in Need is in your area. I would definitely check into it.

4 Likes

Make a plan and stick to it… but essentially

  1. don’t have any more kids with him
  2. get a job
  3. get a lawyer
  4. move out
12 Likes

File for divorce if you are not happy. To make it fair, the house should be sold and you equally split the profits. And 50/50 custody if very reasonable. Just because you are not happy with him doesn’t mean you get to take his kids away.

19 Likes

Start looking for a job asap then separate. If you can find a place to stay until you get on your feet that would help and baby sitters.

3 Likes

My advice to you is that life is too short to be anything but happy. Get out. Be adults and be civil for the babies but go if you’re not happy. You can get a job and become more independent financially.

2 Likes

Find a apartment based on income low income and when it’s available pack what u can that day while he at work and leave then when u have ur own place there he can’t tell u to leave it and then after u find a job puts some money away and file for divorce…

1 Like

If he is good to the kids he should get 50/50 custody! As far as the house, you could probably get it but do you want it? Is it something you can afford or would moving be a better option?! You do need start finding a job. It will be alot of change but if your not happy, those kids dont need to see all that! You can do it. Good luck!

4 Likes

You just file… You don’t need his permission… Take everything else one step at a time

5 Likes

You don’t need his permission, wait till he is at work pack your shit and bounce. File for divorce, custody agreement do before he does, call every single divorce attorney in the phone book, have them put you down for a consultation so he can’t get one. Even if you don’t use them they can’t offer him help because of conflict of interest.

You already know what you need to do. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

2 Likes