Hubby and I have been together for ten years in July; we have four kids together. He is the only one that works, so I can stay at home with the kids. I love my kids, and I would never want them to leave my side, but I feel like I’m going to go crazy if I don’t get out of this house or at least have help with all four kids. I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to him; I told him I want a job. He says if I get a job, then I have to pay for all the child care. I don’t see that it’s only my responsibility to pay for the child care, but he says that’s the only way it works if I had a job. His family owns a local restaurant, and that’s where he has been since he was 16 (now 31); I said something about me working one shift and him working the other, and that idea was instantly shot down. I just want out of the house for a little while a day and to actually get to be an adult not just mommy. What do I need to do? I’m tired of feeling bad because I want to get out of the house.
Perhaps you cound approach his family about helping put one day a week and letting go e of them watch the kids fora day in exchange.
Go get a job, don’t let him control you. He has to get use to your independence. It may be expensive for childcare though so just think it through and do whats best for you and your family
Well I agree about the child care part you want to work then you pay for it ,that’s why your husband pulls the income to give you that choice you not being at home for work then your kids will be in day care with the same hours in place of being at home with you hence therefore your hours your pay get it with your husband’s income bills get paid and all that comes along with that and therefore the child care and if you really want to work then you could do that home with online jobs and hire a nanny but then again that you would pay for too because they’ll be under your watch and if you really need to get out then on his days off leave the kids with him and you take the day for yourself have a girl’s day
call social services, they might be able to help you.
Don’t feel bad. Just do it. Child care is not only your responsibility. He enjoyed making those babies he can either help take care of them or help pay for child care so you can work or do whatever you want. Mothers being the only caretaker is dead and gone. Work opposite shifts of him and you dont need childcare because he can take care of them.
I was a sahm and when I got a job I paid child care. We needed more money. There wasn’t extra in his check for it. Do you know what childcare for 4 kids runs? Maybe wait until they are school age and get a job but for now see if family or friends could give you a break once in a while.
Use that money and pay for a divorce
Wow just and get a job why should you only have to be at home and be the only one to not get a job, that’s just dumb…work opposite shifts so he can watch the kids when you work. That would be fair on both your parts if you work days he does not then no child care is needed
Do you have a family member like Mom or Grandma that could watch them one day a week,so you can have some me time?
Tell him you’re done watching his kids and make him figure it out. Bet he’ll get tired of being a house slave reaaaaaaallly fast too. Don’t give up your freedom so someone else can have theirs.
Have you looked into the reasons why he doesn’t want you to work? Is it just because he thinks you should be home with the kids or is he being insecure? I would have thought the extra money would be handy … you have a right to be fulfilled too. I don’t know what your answer to this is, but I sure can understand how you must be feeling. If you decide not to work, then tell him that you need the company of other adults in some other way, e.g. playgroup, coffee morning etc. He might decide you working is not such a bad thing after all! To be a happy mum you have to look after your needs as well.
For people saying he needs to take care of his kids, he does. He’s the bread winner. It makes no sense to get a job, if your going to pay for child care. Its expensive AF. You’re better off getting a hobby, to where you can leave the house for a few hours. I find it more enjoyable. Although him and I both work. (He’s on days and I work nights)
I would start disappearing on his day off he gets a day off, you do too.
Get a job anyway and state aid for childcare if possible. If your kids are kindergarten age and above then work while they’re in school. I’d flat out tell him that he’s being abusive. Then get up on his day off before he does and leave for the day, all day. Seriously.
Get a job! For the hours he’s home then he can watch the kids.
It would be logical to wait a year or two until they’re all in school and then work not having to depend on daycare. For now ask a family member or HIM to give you a moms day out once a week for whatever you feel like. Tell him to give you a day a week for adult time or your working!
I’d get out of that relationship, there are a lot of resources for single parents
He sounds toxic and has no problem taking advantage of you
Last time I checked those children are both of y’all’s he’s just as responsible for child care as you
I thought this is 2020 not 1950…