I Want Another Baby, But My Husband Thinks We Shouldn't Due to What I've Been Through: Advice?

QUESTION:

"My question is: I have a 16-year-old child from my first marriage. I remarried six almost seven years ago now, and we are so happy. Before I remarried, my husband said he didn’t want any more kids. He already has 2.

So I did what I thought was the right decision, even though I wanted more kids, I went and had an ablation done. So for 6-7 years, no chance of getting pregnant. 2019 I underwent chemo/radiation for colon cancer and had to have a permanent ostomy.

Last Wednesday, I believe I started my periods again. I would love to have another baby with my current husband. He’s afraid of complications that could arise since he saw what my cancer did to me. I’m going to contact my doctors and get their feedback. What are your thoughts?"

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Think about your health; if something happens to you, he have a baby to rear all on his own.”

“You married him knowing he didn’t want more children. His concerns and reasons for not wanting more children are completely valid. Pressuring him to try to have a child together can damage the relationship and may not be worth the damage it can do.”

“Please check with your doctor about your ‘periods.’ You should not have them if the ablation was successful, I think.”

“You have a 16-year-old, how old are you two? He might not want any more kids because it’s literally starting all over once you are almost nest-free. And you married him knowing he did not want any more kids.”

“If that’s something you truly and really want to do I say go for it! But if there’s a chance you won’t or can’t be able to for whatever reason adoption is always an option!”

“Definitely contact the doctor and see what they think, if its even really possible. And once you get that info talk to your husband. If the only thing that’s holding him back is him being worried about complications have him talk to your doctor also.”

“You got married knowing he did not want any more children.”

“You should talk to your doctor and get as much information as you can and then sit down with your husband and discuss it. He might be less afraid if he has more info.”

“Is he only afraid of complications or is he still not wanting more kids? If he’s only afraid of complications then yeah talk to your doctor and see what he suggests… worst/best case scenario-wise… if your husband maybe changed his mind and both of you want a baby, then go for it. Good luck.”

“If your doctor thinks it’s safe enough go for it. If it’s not safe, I would look at maybe adopting or a surrogate.”

“He made it pretty clear what he wanted before you got married… I would definitely take a moment and look at it from his perspective and not expect too much.”

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6 Likes

You got married knowing he did not want any more children. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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He made it pretty clear what he wanted before you got married… I would definitely take a moment and look at it from his perspective and not expect too much.

8 Likes

Please check with your dr about your “periods”. You should not have them if the ablation was successful, I think.

3 Likes

I might check to make sure that’s actually your period

My understanding is once you have an ablation its not advisable to get pregnant its risky to try to carry a baby. I have random light periods and I had an ablation

2 Likes

Definitely contact the doctor and see what they think, if its even really possible. And once you get that info talk to your husband. If the only thing that’s holding him back is him being worried about complications have him talk to your doctor also.

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This is a little unclear. Is it your current husband who didn’t want to have more kids or your last one? And if it is the current one, it depends on whether that has changed for him. And if it has, then you should talk to your doctor about any possible complications moving forward.

Not sure how that would work with a permanent ostomy

Definitely talk to the doctor. But also talk to your partner about it. You got into the marriage knowing he didn’t want anymore children.

4 Likes

Is he only afraid of complications or is he still not wanting more kids? If he’s only afraid of complications then yeah talk to your doctor and see what he suggests… worst/best case scenario-wise… if your husband maybe changed his mind and both of you want a baby then go for it. Good luck :purple_heart:

I’m confused. What does a ablation have to do with having or not having babies

Ablation is a procedure for restoring normal heart rhythm, particularly if the irregular rhythm has not responded to medication. Usually, the heart beats between 60 and 80 times a minute. The pumping action of your heart is triggered by electrical impulses

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You have a 16yr old, how old are is 2? He might not want anymore kids because its literally starting all over once you are almost nest free. And you married him knowing he did not want anymore kids

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You lost me at having a ablation will make sure you don’t get pregnant. !!! Who told you that??? A ablation is done for abnormal bleeding, Usually heavy bleeding, If you didn’t want anymore kids, it’s called a tubal, But I am sorry you went thru chemo for colon cancer. But this is something you need to talk to both your oncology Dr’s & your OB/GYN

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Fyi : Ablation just means removal of something. Surgically.
So first off : what kind of ablation did you get done ? Tubes, endometrial?
And i would definetly talk with your doctor before getting any hopes up. Your medical history does sound a little tricky! But if you, your husband and your medical team are on board i wish you luck! :slightly_smiling_face:

If your doctor thinks it’s safe enough go for it. If it’s not safe I would look at maybe adopting or a surrogate.

If that’s something you truly and really want to do I say go for it! But if there’s a chance you won’t or can’t be able to for whatever reason adoption is always an option!

1 Like

You married him knowing he didn’t want more children. His concerns and reasons for not wanting more children are completely valid. Pressuring him to try to have an child together can damage the relationship and may not be worth the damage it can do.

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When I had my ablation I had to have a tubal because it can be life threatening to become pregnant.

You should talk to your doctor and get as much information as you can and then sit down with your husband and discuss it. He might be less afraid if he has more info.