I want another child but don't know due to my toddler being so needy: Thoughts?

We have one exceptional 2.5-year-old child, and we are on the fence about having another. Our first has been very high maintenance… He still loves being carried everywhere, we breastfeed, and he doesn’t seem to want to stop that anytime soon; we co-sleep because he doesn’t want to sleep alone and will not sleep unless it is with me; he wants to do every little thing with me to the point my husband feels useless (for example, I’m currently sitting here writing this up while he’s miserable and crying out for his mommy because my husband is attempting to give him a bath). He still wakes once or twice in the night, so I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in 3 years. With all that being said, I do not want to change anything. I am happy following a baby-led approach and responding to his needs, but I’m hesitant to have a second because I don’t know if I could mentally go through all that again. I can handle one like this, no problem, but two is a whole different thing. I also don’t know if it’s fair to take my attention away from my son when he needs me so much still. ��I am an only child (happy to be so) and have only ever seen myself as a one and done mom. I have never pictured my life with two, but at the same time, I know there is value in having a sibling, and I wouldn’t want to take that away from my son. I would be devastated if I had a second and they didn’t get along, though, since that is the main reason I’m having two. For those of you with two children, what age gap did you find was the best for getting along throughout childhood and adulthood? For those with one, are you and your child both happy with that decision, or do you wish you had another? For those with two and originally only wanted one, how did that work out for you?

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My first was like that but I put the foot down for the second and he slept in a crib etc…

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You are supposed to be the parent and raise your child to be independant individual

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Um sure I will get negative comments…but if you are breastfeeding an almost 3 yr old and still sleeping with him …and his father has no place in his life…you sweetie need counseling

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My first 2 kids were 2.5 years apart… this is the perfect time to have a second child so they can grow up together :heart::heart:. I waited until my 1st was out of diapers (which was when she turned 2) and then started trying for #2 who came 10 months later. :heart::heart:

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Cut the cord. Your parent if you want to change this behavior you have to just stop and be firm. Or continue till 18.

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Put your foot down and teach him to be more independent. He will sleep alone, if you train him to. He’ll cry at first, but he will learn to sleep on his own. He will learn to ween off the breast, if you make him. If you truly want another child, then you need to make the steps necessary to make that easier on yourself. You also should work on making your husband feel more included. It’s sad that he is this child’s father and being made to feel so useless.

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I have 4, my older 2 are 20 months apart, the younger 2 are 11 months apart. Kids need siblings, my girls argue but at the end of the day, they are BFF’s and have a forever friend playmate. All kids are not as needy as their siblings, just have to do what is best for your family. I would definitely work on getting your first less needy of mom, you’ll be forever grateful you did.

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I think you’ve asked the wrong question here. You shouldn’t be asking about a second child. You should be asking how to address the current underlying issue in your home. Your little one needs to be independent and you need to encourage that. Your poor husband!

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I suggest pulling back a bit at a time and let your husband take charge. Once your son becomes less dependent on you it will make things easier, and avoid any bad feelings toward a new baby.

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You are going to have to step up and be the one who sets the rules! Right now your child calls the shots in the parent/child relationship… when are you going to be the mom and make him do what needs to be done? If you want him to walk somewhere instead of carrying him, make him walk; if you want dad to give him his bath, let him cry about it. Don’t give into his every want! That’s how he has become so “high maintenance”. Once you get your son to act as a toddler, not an infant, then add to your family.

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You’ve allowed your child to become high maintenance! Not saying that is a horrible thing if it works for you but you’ve set him up to be dependent and needy of you and if you dont change the behavior now it could possibly be very bad for him a few years from now. How is he even going to go to Kindergarten?? A lot about this post is concerning. I never try to judge anyone’s parenting style but this seems unhealthy. Just my opinion.

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Sounds like your child is running your life. I would make some changes first before having a second, or else you will go crazy. You say you’re happy following a baby-led approach, but it doesn’t sound like you’re happy. You need to set some boundaries and make some time for yourself.

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You got to put your foot down to some things. When he is with daddy let him cry for you sometimes. He needs to learn that daddy is just as good as mama. I know you want to do baby-lead stuff, but at 2.5 he should have independence some. Yes he will still want you and have phases they all do, but he knows you will give him what he wants and that he can do what he wants with you. Its going to get worse before it gets better if you dont try to set boundaries and put your foot down.

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Also, my girls are 3 years apart. I think its a perfect age gap (second was not planned) but my 1.5yo is actually the one more mean than her older sister. That said your eldest needs some boundaries or it can cause a lot of tension and maybe dislike because you will need to focus a lot more on baby than him at certain times and he will notice.

Thank God my 2 year old daughter is not like this at all. She’s independent & does her own thing & the worst thing we do is co sleep, I’m 34 weeks pregnant with my second, a boy, & she loves touching my belly & saying, “baby brother”. You definitely need to try some separation techniques & maybe cut back on breastfeeding… I mean, I hope it gets better & I know the love you feel for him, but it must be exhausting to live that life with your child being so incredibly clingy. Set some boundaries!

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My two girls are 5 years apart.
So far it’s going well. My first wasn’t happy at first she thought babies could play, and talk. But she’s been helpful and loves talking to her baby sister.
She is learning how to not have constant attention. She’s always been very independent but she loves to talk, and play and cuddle still. That seems to be the hardest part for both of us, is her learning she isn’t the only one who needs attention and that her baby sister needs more at the moment.

You need to get your son sleeping in his own bed/room before you even consider getting pregnant.

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Your child is going to have a sense of entitlement when they become a adult if you don’t set boundaries.

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Sounds like you really need to set boundaries. Your child needs to learn independe and but doing every little tiny thing for him and coddling him is not the way to teach him independence. If you continue with this it will never change and he will still be sleeping with you at age 10.

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your child should.never set the rules of the house. you need to stand your ground iys gonna be tough but if you don’t give in he will learn that whinning won’t get his way. if u want to he on his beck and call go for it. but it will just put more strain on ur marriage

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