I’ve been officially dating someone that is three years younger than me for a year now, before that we had been seen each other for about over 2 years. So basically been sharing my life with this person for a little over 3 years. I have a son who I have full custody of. I had my own place that I was renting and had to leave because the owners were selling. I had no where to go in such short notice so my parents suggested we moved in with them. We went from us two living alone to a full chaotic house so it has been a big adjustment for both my son and I. My boyfriend is living with his parents as well. We usually only spend time during the weekend because we both work during the week and we live over 40 mins away from each other. I’ve been saving up and working hard on getting myself set to buy a house. I have encouraged my boyfriend to better himself in life since he is always talking about having a future with us. Since he’s been with me, he has gotten a better job, better pay, better benefit, got a car, has traveled, etc. At times it feels like I am just building him into his potential, and I am not getting anything in return. We should be growing together, in my opinion. Anyways. I have told him about how stressed I am about my current living situation, and I don’t get the support that I need from him, and I have expressed that to him—moving forward. He says he wants us to have a child together, and I have told him I am not ready until I am sure we have a place of our own and we are set financially. It has been over six months, and I am not yet where I need to be to move out, but he is. My question is, should I even have to ask my boyfriend for him to be the one to get the house so we can start building together, or do I have to keep on waiting. I have thought about asking him so many times to actually show me that he wants a future with us, not just tell me. I don’t want it to feel like an ultimatum either, but I need to know if I am just wasting my time. Why do I have to be the only one trying to make this work or building everything up? I know he loves me but right now, love is not feeling like it’s enough. I am not asking that he provides everything for us, everything would be 50/50, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask. What do I do?
Keep working on buying your own house in your name. The best and safest thing you can do for you and your child. Even if the current situation is tough give it time and eventually owning your own house is such a relief and wonderful security. You never know what will happen and if he’s not making a commitment for you and your child’s security or wanting to provide or be blend lives then don’t ask and even if he is it’s still best to make sure you’re secure without him, he’s made no commitment and legally can throw you out, that’s not a good place to be in especially with a child. Work on securing your child’s future and passing down a house is great security for them if anything happens to you. If it feels like it’s wasting time let him know and wait a see what happens then leave if it’s not what you want, don’t compromise.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. I want my boyfriend to contribute more in our relationship: Thoughts?
Give it way more time
Sounds Like you need a Place of your own.
If he really wanted to move in together or have a life It would be happening already. Men Always make what they want happen. I’d say Get your own place and continue to see where the relationship goes.
Why can’t you get a place together?
He is a guy, help him move it along
It sounds like he is not in the same place of maturity as you are.get your own place and do you. You cant force someone to do what it is you expect them to do.
You cannot force him to change. He has to do this on his own. I suggest you find your own place and see how it goes.
Sounds like you just need to focus on getting your own place for you and your son
Hes 3 yrs younger than you. Maturity level is 7 yrs younger than u.
You have your answer.
You shouldn’t pressure someone to move in if they arnt ready.
If you’re buying a house do you expect him to go in on it, though you arnt fully committed?
Or do you expect him to rent/buy and expect to be invited?
But if you’re I’m diff places, face the music and leave him be. It’s less stress. Worry about you and your son.
Speaking from experience
Hes 3 years younger, and hes taking all these steps to get up to your level and showing you he wants a future . Don’t push someone down because they aren’t growing as fast as you’d like them to.
Be upfront…tell him you would like to go house hunting. Since he is ready. Go look at places you can and can not afford. Tell him where you’re at financially and see what he says. If he truly wants to do this, than he will pipe up at that point and say he will support you and son. Sometimes you just need to steer them in the right direction and then let the wind take the sails.
My advice. Being a successful independent SINGLE woman with a great job. I’ve been SINGLE for 4 yrs now. Prior to that I raised my kids alone their whole life. My son is now 28 yrs old. I tried a relationship with a man. It end ed badly. But what Im saying mama. Have fun. Date. Have sex. I know people will have words. But honestly. Im happy. Im alone. I visit my kids and grandkids. I have my “friends” I love coming home to MY house
Get your own place and move on
It took over 4 years for my bf and I to get a house. Everyone is different. Nobody is ever on the same page. Get your own place and tell him he is more than welcome to move in if he wants to however that means you also need to let him know that if he does he would split the bills with you. If he doesn’t move in then just see where it goes. At rhe end of the day ar least u have a place for you and tour child regardless so it won’t be for nothing.
Why don’t you get the house. Why do women feel the need for men to be the one who does all that crap . Get it yourself, live your life.
You said he is where he needs to be as far as being ready to move out, but you aren’t. I don’t see how he isn’t contributing enough. He is doing his part to build up and save for y’all a house and you aren’t there yet. So you want him to get a place for y’all because you are stressed where you are at.
I just don’t see where he is at fault in this situation
Stop worrying about him and keep working towards your goal. Try to work on getting your OWN place that you can afford by yourself. If you decide to let him move in, so be it.
Also you said that you are 3 years older than him but you didn’t give ages. It sounds like he’s kinda young and if he is, please don’t expect him to read your mind. Just come straight out and tell him how you feel.