I want my daughter to see her dad but I don't want her to get hurt anymore: Advice?

I have a 7-year-old daughter, and her dad lives more than an hour away. He hasn’t seen her in 5 months other than one night he picked her up and went to a friend’s house. She has a phone to stay in contact with him… he has said over and over he was coming to pick her up, and every time he disappointed her. my fiance said we should just give her dad back the phone and be done with him cause he keeps breaking her heart, but I’m not sure what to do? I didn’t want to be the reason they don’t see each other… he’s doing it, not us…we have no custody agreement I have full until he decides to take me to court cause that’s how it works in Ohio. Do I just need some friendly advice on how other moms would handle this? Keep the phone and let the bullshit go on, or cut him out?

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He will make his own bed. Unfortunately you will need to let him ruin the relationship on his own and your daughter will get older and form her own opinions. I have done the take my ex to court because he was not doing what he was supposed to and all other proof of other BS and I still had to let my kids go over there. Tough situation but it’s the reality. Talk to your daughter and let her know she can talk to you about her feelings etc

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Cut him out. He is mentally hurting your child. Explain to her what is going on, tell her it is not her fault, give him the phone back and tell him when he’s ready to be a consistent father, he’ll be welcomed back … Until then, no contact.
Show baby girl EXTRA love during this time
Good Luck

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Going through the same thing…the way its going now will hurt her more. give the phone back and cut it off until he steps up and ready to be in her life consistently.

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Cut him off. Hes hurting her.

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No don’t cut him out. No one wants to see their child hurt but she NEEDS to see him for who he is. Otherwise you become the bad person. I wouldn’t cut off communication but each time he disappoints her be there to console her. Eventually she’ll realize she has no need for a father who continues to disappoint. You cannot save your children from everything all you can do is be there for them. Her biological father unfortunately will be her first heartbreak

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If you cut him out she will push harder thinking your the problem not him. We had similar issues with my step daughter her mother would make promises and never keep them. We finally explained to her not to get her hopes up when her mom promised her things and it was up to her if she wanted to continue her relationship with her mother. She is an adult now and still has a relationship with her mother she just knows not to count on her promises. Our daughter knows who is there for her and who she can count on

Talk to him and explain to him the damages he is doing to her child and pray to God

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I say ask ur daughter what she would want. Honestly she is old enough to make the call. And just be there as her support no matter what.

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Failure or Broken heart is also one lesson in life you will just doing your job be there for her and give her a support

Been there. My daughter is now 17 but she used to worship the ground her sperm donor walked on. But he let her down time and time again. I used to lie for him for her sake: daddy got called into work, he called and said he was sick, his car broke down. She waited by the mailbox waiting for a letter he promised to send her that never came. Promised to take her on a camping trip, that night came, she was ready and packed, he never showed. Countless times he let her down. I begged him and begged him to just be a dad. She hated me. Now at 17, she knows what type of person he is and tells me all the time she appreciates everything I’ve done for her to protect her heart. She knows it wasn’t me who kept them apart. I wish I had just told her he was dead all them years ago. She says now he is dead to her.
Your daughters heart will continue to break over and over if you allow it. Talk to her now. Love her through it. She may act out towards you but I promise you 10 years from now she will love and appreciate you more for it.

Keep a log of this in case it ever does go to court. If she texts, keep them and back up. someday could be very important to prove he was doing it and not you keeping him from her.

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He cut his damn self out!! Give him the phone back, if its doing more harm than good for her to talk to him

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I was raised in a blended family and I am a stepmom now. Communication between biological parents is very important for the well-being of the child. Listening to the child is important too. I know every situation is different, but I still advocate for the child to have both parents in her life no matter how little the time they spend together. I hope you can both speak and make the best choice together as her parents. Good luck. Stay safe. :heart:

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I would give the phone back and let him know he can communicate with her through you this may lessen some of his ability to just say one thing and then not show up. Advise him that you are monitoring the messages due to the inconsistency that has happened and let him know that you handle
The emotional fallout of his lack of commitment and that is the reason you are making the change.

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She will realize who he is as a person and want nothing to do with him at all soon enough. Dont keep him from her and she will understand he’s the one who never cared enough. Keep loving and comforting her. Unfortunately her feelings are hurt but she wont want to feel that way forever and make her choice about cutting him out herself when she figures it all out.

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I believe you should have an honest conversation with your daughter about this. As disappointing as the situation is you do not want to make a decision that can come back and bite you in the ass. Have you spoken to her Father about it? You should ask him to keep in contact but stop telling her he is going to pick her up use the current situation to your favor. If you take the phone away she will not see him as the failure she will just remember that you took away her way of communicating with him. Talk to your daughter in terms she can understand but make it about her get help for her and also for you so she does not see this as her fault and you do not make decisions thinking that it is for her best interest that will ultimately effect both of you and can go either way. Remember your version may not be the version she sees.

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As someone who goes through the same thing I’d say don’t cut him off. Or rather let her keep the phone. My daughter is now 12 and that’s the same way her dad was. Now she’s at an age where she can communicate back to him and understand who “the problem” is. I will never keep her from talking to him even if it’s when he wants because she will be upset with me. Let him burn his own bridge or wide up.

No matter what happens never talk to your girl bad about her dad, I know is hard but try to find excuses for him, I know is not fair but is the healthy thing that you can do for your baby girl, I’ve been there … if you need a friend don’t you doubt to dm me … you are a great mother and you are not alone in this journey :heart:

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Let her know the phone is there so at least there’s communication but explain to her how some adults even her dad just haven’t grown up yet and that it’s not her fault. She will return the phone herself when she’s ready :heart: just support her as you always have :heart: