I want my daughters dad in her life but feel he is unreliable: Advice?

I need some advice. I have an almost four-month-old. Her dad and I split up when she was about 1 1/2 months old because he couldn’t step up and act grown-up about anything. Basically, he hasn’t come to see her since we split up, even though we were on good terms for a while. I always offered for him to come to stay with me in MY house, and then I did offer to go to him and stay in a hotel with her (he lives 3 hours away.) every time I offered this he would say no I want her for the whole weekend, or a few weeks, and would accuse me of keeping him from her. The reason I don’t want him to have her overnight is she still wakes up every few hours to eat, and he is IMPOSSIBLE to wake up. I slept on his floor a few times because I couldn’t wake him up to move him. He also is very selfish and irresponsible and doesn’t give her 100% of his attention when she needs it. After I gave birth and he went back to his home, all he did was sit around and smoke pot with his friends for at least a month until he got a job. He thinks that when he has her, he can just leave her in the crib all day, and she will be fine. He also just acts like she is a prize to be won. He doesn’t understand she needs love and attention ALL the time, not just when it’s convenient for him. So basically, I filed for custody, and our first meeting is in a few weeks, and I’m just so nervous. I don’t know what to expect. Has anyone else gone through this?? I guess I just want to know a little more about what to expect. I don’t want to keep him out of her life, he is just very unreliable, and I’m scared she won’t get the care she needs when she is with him without me there.

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Why force a man that the worst thing to done

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Most states wont do full weekends away from mom until they’re a year, explain to the mediator all of your concerns, including the cannabis. They want to do what is best for the baby, even if one of the parents disagrees with it.

A lot easier being a single parent

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No judge is going to deny him visits and/or overnight unless you can prove neglect.

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Sounds like you should make your concerns known to your lawyer and explain that you have no problem with overnight or prolonged visits with him after the child is a bit older and doesnt need constant attention like she does now. For now it can be daytime visits, like meeting somewhere for a few hours, or letting him take her for a couple hours at a time but no overnight yet or request court supervised visits to prove he is capable of taking actual care of the baby while alone with her. Its gonna be rough, but goodluck.

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He will probably get every other FULL weekend and week long breaks . But could possibly get longer visit since she is not school age and is not breast fed even then judge would say pump and give the bottles to him. Judges do not care how old the baby is. They care about both parents being involved. You have NO evidence of needing supervised visitation. Only hear say of what you claim. Any drugs?abuse? Your only offering on your terms of what you want. This is his child to. Are you bitter, do you argue constantly? Would he rather not see her so he dosent have to deal with you being so controlling?

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Why…why force him to want to be around her…
If it doesn’t come naturally then I wouldn’t bother…he would just leave her in a crib all day (your words) anyway…why do you want that for her???..grow up…!! You cannot force him to love her.

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From a different view, you are making the only able time to see her means you have to be there. Saying he can come to your house or you guys can get a hotel? If you guys split then give him a chance to be a dad. It doesn’t mean you have to watch or supervise it. It’s his daughter to, the only way he will learn how and what she needs, is being active in her life and not just on your terms. Unless you feel the child is in actual danger.

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Just wait til shes older. Just offer small visits and tell him when shes more independent she can stay with him cause she needs alot of care and needs mom. No reason to worry. Baby stage doesnt last forever and yes it’s hard. I know you want him apart but best thing right now is get your child support straight and custody papers. Just focus on u and baby right now. It’s a hard age for anyone. I wouldnt want someone watching my little baby too. When shes a big girl walking and messing up everything you can send her over. Time heals everything !

Unless you can prove it no judge will deny his visits and you can’t always go with them maybe his with someone else that’s why he doesn’t want you there you can’t force him to allow you there too plus it’s his time his not there when you have her you don’t have to be when he has her if you don’t let him take responsibility on his own he never will

I understand your concern for him not giving her complete attention and/or care when alone with her; I had similar issues with my first child. I have no advice as far as the case itself; I don’t know. But all I can say is continue to do what is best for your child, not just because it’s what you want but because it is what is actually best for them and all else will fall into place.
It is hard being an advocate for your babies. Reasses yourself often to ensure your on the correct path.
Positive vibes sent your way.

Why yal mad at her? We know so many moms like to keep dad away and claim hes a pos. But not everyone feels that way…

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In Indiana no over night stays until the are three. My Granddaughter went through it a few years ago.

I personally wouldn’t bring the situation to the courts unless you want him to be able to take her. Why do you want it to go thru court? Just curious. Also if it does go to court ask for supervised visitation. I don’t necessarily agree with him coming to your home or y’all staying in a hotel. I feel like that would be confusing for the child and it probably comes off to him as you wanting to be with him.

Maybe try a week end but you stay at the hotel and see with him how it goes. He will freak out probably and give it back to you few hours later. It’s not easy having a baby.

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Seriously? Why even bother with this POS. He was just a sperm donor honey…move on raise your daughter a n live happily ever after…without him.

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Are you breastfeeding? Father can’t have her for the weekend when you are bf.

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Like I tell everyone, all father’s deserve a chance regardless of what has happened or done or going on , always try to make it work just so u can say hey we tryed , if u have to do visiting with supervison , iknow iknow it’s more complicated then it sounds but if u truly won’t him around atleast u tryed :slight_smile:

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My daughters dad did the exact same thing and it’s been 12 years now and he is nowhere to be found. He only wanted to see her to get at me, not because he cared about her, and when he did have her he didn’t take care of her at all. His then girlfriend got ahold of me and let me know what kind of “dad” he was being to her. Fortunately for me he never filed for custody (we weren’t married) and had just been a ghost since she was about 2. He had all the same accusations of me keeping her from him, etc., but it’s because I wouldn’t let him take her overnight or for weeks at a time. He also refused to meet in public places to see her and demanded I drop her off for days at a time. I refused because she didn’t know him because he had been so absent most of the time. Anyway men like this don’t actually care about the child, and I would provide any and all testimonies of this to the judge

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