have been with my husband for around nine years, married for 7. We both have children from previous relationships. With my stepchild, the co-parenting goes fairly smoothly, and we have a week on, a week off custody. With MY 2 children, the oldest being 13, I legally have 50/50 custody with their dad, and I have a primary placement. Per court agreement, he is allowed physical custody every weekend and extended time in the summer. However, in the 11 years since our divorce, he doesn’t exercise those rights. He sees our children 5x/yr max, typically when his parents come to get them for a visit. I am extremely lenient with visitation and honestly don’t recall a time I’ve told anyone in his family no in regards to visitation. My ex is currently 10k+ behind on child support, does not have his license, and has had a known drug problem per his family and those close to him. Even if we go through with the adoption, we have no plans to keep them from their family (assuming biodad is sober)… this is strictly for legal purposes. My ex has offered to sign over rights so long as he no longer has to pay child support, and my current husband has no issues adopting these children that he already considers his own. I also have a major fear of something happening to me - currently, if that were to happen, they would go to bio dad, and I worry that he would see them as a paycheck (social security) and try to retain custody. My dilemma is this: my 13-year-old is not keen on changing their last name. I understand to an extent as this is the name they’ve always known, all their friends have known them by, etc. My husband says he doesn’t care if they change their last name or not as long as they are taken care of in the future. I guess I’m the one with the issue there because I feel like if this man steps up and steps in when he doesn’t have to, there should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that he is their father. What are your thoughts? Let the children choose the last name, hyphenate it, or change it?
Ask them what they want to do
Let them choose. They can always change it later if they change their minds too.
Ask the kids what they want to do. But if your husband adopts them, they become his children legally. Biodad would be just a stranger. He’d have no standing to take them if something happened to you.
Ok so i have checked into step parent adoption myself. 1. You have to revoke your ex’s rights 2. It wont happen due to the fact he has contact with them those 5x. If he went 1yr or more with no contact AND not helping financially you still would have to prove to the courts why they need to revoke his rights IF he fights it then it wont be easy.
definitely would leave it up to the kids
It should be up to the kids… my husband took my last name…
Let them decide. Especially your eldest.
Let them choose. The oldest has expressed feelings about not wanting to change their name. Don’t force it on them.
Ask them what they want as they sound old enough to decide.
Let him adopt them and not change their last names. Its not that big of a deal. Im married and kept my last name. My kids have my last name too.
Let the kids choose. My step dad adopted me . I wanted the name change. It was easy for me cuz the same time I moved to a new school.
I say it is their name, their choice.
Kids are old enough to decide this.
I would say let them choose. My mom wanted to change my name when I was younger and I’m glad we didn’t because I have no relationship with her husband now and I would’ve completely regretted it.
Signing over rights… would be the most important. Adopting would be second and the name I would leave for now, until they are fully ready and understand.
The dad can’t sign over rights to get out of support. He can sign them over & husband can adopt but dad will still be responsible for c.s.
Let the children decide.
At that age they should be given the choice
At 13, they have an opinion, so it’s really up to the kids.