I was raised in an angry enviroment and refuse to be like that with my kids: Advice?

I’m looking for advice, please. I feel like I’ve been angry my whole life. My mum was angry most the time when my sister and I were younger, and it scared us and made us resent her for being so unpredictable what was going to set her off. I’m worried that this could happen to me, I don’t ever want my children to be scared of me. So I want to do something about it right now! I can’t afford to pay for therapy, but apparently, you can be referred by your Doctor. If I go to the Doctor and tell them I’ve got some anger problems, will it go on record that my children are potentially in danger? Which they absolutely are not. I’m just worried that this would raise a lot of red flags because i have children. Does anyone have any experience with this? Any information?

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Try to remember back when you were their age and deal with your children from your remembrance of what you needed when you were their age.

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You’re have made a huge first step in recognizing this! :heart:

Not sure where you are but in Aust. They do care plans. You get 5 free visits to go to councilar …physio or dietician and think theres other places. You get them every year…good luck

Kerwin Rae is a great motivational speaker who discusses childhood and adulthood emotions and experience as well as many,other things . I’ve found him very insightful . I also love the emotion chart . the more you know , the more you grow , right ? Good luck , it’s hard work but peace is on the other side .

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I really dont see you getting in trouble because you see something in yourself that needs fixing i should make you look like you want help. Changing that anger to calmness and be better for your kids

I was getting super snappy and went to the doctor and explained all of the symptoms and it’s like a majority of the anger or frustration stems from anxiety. Now I’m taking meds for it and I’m way more chill. :smirk: might be something to look into. Might have very well ve anxiety causing your mom to be like that too. Good luck.

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Read (or listen to) books on the subject from the library. If you have an Employee Assistance Plan (EAP) at work you can talk with a counselor 3x as part of your health plan.

To control anger, meditate, do yoga or tai chi & do something vigorous to get the anger out & release endorphins. Plus, you can do all this with your kids!

I have a friend who was determined to not be the physically abusive pe

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I have PTSD and when I first started going to therapy one of my biggest concerns was my anger outbursts. I yelled A LOT. I have 4 children and I was never put on any sort of list as far as I know. Go to therapy, it will help immensely!

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All u need to do is go to your local gp and just say to them youve recognised slight signs of you starting to struggle with mental helth and would like a referal for a counciller/psycologist/psychiatrist witch ever u need :grin::grin: they red flag u if your kids arnt looked after properly or are in immediate danger, not for seeking help prior to that happening hun :heart::heart: youve made a huge step :blush::blush:

I grew up with out a mom and when I did meet my mom when I was six she was nice to me but when I saw her when I was nine she tried to kill me when I went to live with her after my dad died she severely abused me physically mentally and emotionally until the state stepped in and removed me so I pretty much either grew up with out a mom or when I would see my mom she was abusive when my kids were born I was terrified I would be like her or I would abandon my kids so instead of risking that I gave my kids the best life I gave them to some one who had a good role model and wasn’t abused all but my second son he had a medical condition and was still born not because of me he had abs but my other three I gave them a better life u didn’t want to risk anything bad to happen to them because of me I loved my kids enough to let someone who had no chance of hurting them and couldn’t have kids raise them there all happy and healthy yes there are some days I regret my decision and wished things could be different but in the end I couldn’t risk it my ex is abusive and even though I don’t speak or see him I couldn’t have him around my kids maybe on days you feel angry send your kids to a friend house or a family member that you trust and when you feel calmer pick them up or send them to there room tell them Mommy needs space right now if there old enough tell the older ones what’s going on but don’t blame them or write down how you feel or find a trusted friend and vent to them just don’t make the choice I made because I do regret it but I also have no family support or anything I have no body just me and my cat I’m pretty much alone but you have your friends and your family lean in them

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No tell your dr your concerns and if they’re able to refer you they will. Drs won’t call cps or whoever unless you actually tell them that you have harmed or are going to harm your children. You can even tell them that you would like a referral for therapy to deal with some things from your past in your childhood that you would like to deal with and help get closure from.

Also a lot of community centers offer free classes for things like anger management or domestic violence. Was your mom and addict or alcoholic? If yes they also have meetings for adult children of alcoholics. They help also to help you deal with the anger and resentment from your childhood. Maybe even some self help books for children that grew up in an abusive family. I grew up in an abusive family and the adult children of alcoholics and codependency meetings helped me more than anything.

It’s all about wording with drs. Just tell them you feel somewhat frustrated and need a therapist to vent to and get insight.

A therapist once told me that “ pain is almost what always fuels anger.”

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Yelling is not a removable offense. Beating is. If you tell your doctor you grew up in a home where you were yelled at alot and don’t want to visit that on your children, you would like to learn better coping techniques for your frustration so that you don’t pass these same problems to your kids, and you wonder if you would perhaps benefit from therapy or some kind of anger management, that’s not something they can legally share. You’d have to say you’re afraid of seriously hurting yourself or your children. Screaming doesn’t fall under that. So don’t mention anything else.

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It sounds like maybe your Mom had some mental illness issues and didn’t deal with them. Maybe you should go to your doctor with an open mind by asking him to check you for everything, mental illness to anger issues. Taking steps to get better won’t be used against you.

NOT getting help is the wrong choice. I think everyone should have a therapist because even those who grew up with “a great life” have traumas of their own that other’s may not find to be a big deal, but to them it’s had lasting negative effects on their lives. I, personally, don’t want to be one of those reasons my children may need to be sitting across from a therapist one day, which is why I do therapy.

I highly recommend counseling and Celebrate Recovery. Celebrate Recovery is a free 12 step program for anyone who has hurts, habits and hangups. It’s life changing.
I’d also check into peaceful parenting. I’m sure there are Facebook groups for that you can join. I know there are books, too.

Join Gentle Parents Unite
They have lesson plans and great advice from people trying to use positive discipline methods and gentle approaches.

Meditation has been scientifically proven to rewire the brain, and has helped many people deal with PTSD and aggression. There are MBSR (Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction) programs that dive into the why and how mindfulness makes a difference, and is designed to get people started with meditation and becoming more mindful. There’s a free program at https://academy.happiness.com/courses/online-mindful-based-stress-reduction
Insight Timer is a free app for your iphone or android that can help you hold yourself accountable to dedicating a little time everyday to meditate. There’s guided mediation on there as well.

You’ve already taking the first step by realizing your limitations and wanting to do better for your children, and that’s the hardest step to take for a lot of people. Good luck mama!