I wasn't the best mom to my girls growing up: How should I fix this?

I am seeking advice and anyone that can relate. I have two daughters that are somewhat estranged from me. I wasn’t the best Mother when they were growing up, but I have tried to make up for it for years. They are very disrespectful to me when they are around. One is an adult child, and the other chooses to live with her Dad. It’s been mentally and emotionally draining try to have relationship with them. Do I set boundaries and stop the Chase, live my life, or Continue to try? Please advise a trouble, Mother.

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Well, if you give up you’re not any better now than you were then. Maybe counseling so they can have a chance to express their feelings?

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I have a family member in the same situation. She has mental health issues that went untreated for decades and her kids really suffered. She’s got an older set of kids then the younger ones… The grown ones worry about the little kids. The big kids really grew up rough… I love my family member and I love the kids like my own, but the youngest of the older group is in foster care, soon to be 18 and choosing to change her name to her foster family’s. There’s really just a lot going on. I try to advise my family member but after a certain point I run out of words… Of course I never want her to stop trying with her older kids. But she has fragile mental health and I’m afraid she can’t take their constant abuse. It’s a really hard balance, a terrible situation. They’re like my siblings

I mean, as someone who has a horrible mother I can understand why they act that way. Its emotionally destroying to have a parent not be there like they should be. Dont give up, but you may need counseling with them to truly fix this. I cut my mother off due to her not changing her abusive ways. If you’ve changed, you’re going to have to really prove it to them that you’re not who you were while they were growing up.

ETA: I’m not saying you’re abusive, I dont know your situation. Just giving you my personal example. I hope you’re able to salvage the relationships.

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Imagine you’re in their shoes. It’s hard to forgive someone, especially a parent. You can not make up for the past, you can only try to move forward and try to be there now. Family counseling is my advice, if they chose to go. You have to look at it from their perspective. Not just your own.

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Sounds like you burnt that bridge.

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You sound like your my mother asking this question. My mother tried to be there but it got to a point where i would have rather her leave me alone than even try.

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Keep trying . At least ur trying. Dont be those moms that abandon their babies . Keep trying :heart:

My mom wasn’t the best mom and we didn’t reconnect until I was 18. I basically told her how I felt and she listened and respected me. She took credit for what she had done. Now we have good relationship

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Depends on how badly you want a relationship with them. And what happened to make them grow distant. My mom was awful to me growing up. She missed out on a lot of things and I never grew a bond with her. I want very little to do with her because of how toxic she became and I realize that I am not in her best interest. Are you toxic to your children? Is there a good reason that they don’t want anything to do with you?

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Your the parent and you made the relationship what it is…so your not happy with how they treat you . I’m sure they have been hurt and dont expect you to stay so why bother being nice. You really should keep trying and try family counseling.

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Just set them down and tell them what you’ve told us. Ask them how you can fix this for them so you all can be happy together.

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as one who’s mother was a POS & a stepmother too. Saying you are sorry, does go a long way. And never lie to them…

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Dont stop Trying
You will regret it
Especially when they have their kids

Trust was broken

Focus on their Interest

If they r bitter and wish to never give u a chance
They are setting boundaries
U r a stranger
U dont have that bond and they think u will be flakey

It’s going to take yrs
Maybe 10 plus yrs to restore ur abandonment

They have lots of damage to be repaired

U set boundaries and say u dont need to be disrespected
If they need space that is fine
They still resent u
Ur presence makes them sad. How bout u research abandonment truma and that might help u understand them

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Depends, if you’re still a toxic person to them. Definitely stay away, they’re better off. I know I for one couldn’t “stop the chase and live my life” without my kids no matter their ages or the situation

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It’s been emotional draining for you? Poor baby. Imagine being a child and not understanding why you had such a terrible mother and wondering what was wrong with you.

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I feel like you reap what you sow. With that being said are you going to give up cause it’s hard or prove to your children that you want to be a better mom. But the truth is it’s up to your kids to decide if they want that relationship back. You may eventually get to the point where you tell them you are here for them but won’t keep pushing your way in if they don’t want you too.

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U can never make up for there lost time needed there mother just leave them a lone

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If you were a bad mother do you blame them really?

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As someone who had a shitty father who didn’t bother to try, I get where they’re coming from. However, my father never bothered to get in contact with me and he had children to another woman that I didn’t find out about until years later. You’re trying your best, keep doing that, if you want them involved and want to make up for it, then absolutely do it!