If your spouse works out of state, what do they do when they come home?

Those of you that have partners who work away from home or out of state, what is expected when a partner comes home? Do they have duties they need to fulfill when they come home? Is it too much to ask that they be a parent after they come home from work tired?


Aren’t you a parent when you’re tired?


Parenting is a 24hr job,he needs to do his share when he comes back home.The tendency to let men off the hook with parenting duties needs to stop because they work in formal employment. I am currently a stay at home mum ,having quit a full time corporate job to be a
mum a year ago.I must say being a mom is the hardest job out there,nothing can compare to it.

I guess it depends on if you work outside the home too? If he’s working outside the home and you aren’t then I think its expecting too much. If you both work full time jobs then when he’s home I’d expect 50/50 with things.


It depends…
-what is thier job? How long are they gone? How long are they home? What exactly are you asking/expecting them to do? Do you work? Do you stay home?

If your husband is working for say two weeks straight and only home for four days… I would say “duties” can wait.
Let the man rest for a day and just spend the rest of the time together as a family. That’s 100% more important than tasking him with giant honey-do-list or getting your “me time” in.

You can always find a little time for yourself (I’m a stay at home parent) if you really want to. If you only get a few days to be together as a family then that should 100% be the priority.


Your tired too and a parent so yes when they are home they need to play with the kids and maybe help with dinner and do the dishes. Be a dad and a husband because that’s what he signed up to be.


It doesn’t matter what their job is. When they are home they are a parent. If not, leave because they won’t change. When you become a parent, you are a parent 24/7 whether you’re exhausted or not :v:t4:


Being an Employed Parent DOSEN’T make your Parenting Responsibilities OPTIONAL!


Depends on his job. My husband works out of town repairing water tanks. Hard job. He will be getting into truck driving soon…still a hard job as being on the road all the time is draining. I am a stay at home mom. I try to make him comfortable and don’t ask anything when he gets home bc I know works hard and is tired. Usually get his dinner to him in the recliner, give him a back massage and put some aloe gel on him as usually sunburned…baby him and don’t ask a thing in return. He gives me money to go shopping and splurge a bit and get fast food whenever, so I usually go do this before my 7 year old gets home from school and surprise her with McDonald’s and some type of candy. This way, I only deal with one kid while shopping and it is a small break. I have days where get all cleaning done in one day and do light pickup for two days so that is a small break. If need a mom’s day out,put any non school age kids in daycare or drop off at grandparents, or even hire a sitter…Hubby shouldn’t have to come home after busting his butt to chaos. Seen so many marriages go down the drain from wives who are stay at home moms trying to get their husbands to take over everything as soon as get off work so they can go out and it usually puts a strain on the marriage. Try to work around when ur kids are in school and any toddler is with you and meet up with friends then or go to their home and hang and use that as your break unless want to pay for daycare or a sitter. Spend days off work together doing whatever he wants. My husband usually needs a day or two of rest, then will take us out to eat, to trampoline park,or to the zoo or something so can spend some family time together and he is willing to work extra hours so we get to go to the beach twice this year. As long as he is making an effort to keep you and the kids happy and spend time with y’all when off,then I wouldn’t push it.


Our kids are teens and pretty much do for themselves, so I don’t expect much help except getting them to and from where they have to be. My husband works 84 hours a week, 90 percent of the time. Occasionally, I’ll have him a list of things I can’t do, when he comes home, but for the most part I don’t expect much. I don’t work outside the home, but I am in school for nursing. I think it’s just whatever works for each family. No 2 family’s are the same. :heart:


We live in Ontario and my husband works in Alberta. He works 4 weeks and is home one week on turn around. When he comes home he WANTS to be involved and be a parent. He misses me and our girls a lot when he’s gone. He gets up every night with our almost 6 month old and plays all day with our 5 year old. He also does other little things around the house to help me. Id say it just depends on the man and what kind of person they are. I don’t expect him to do too much when he comes home. He works long hard hours but of course it’s wonderful to get the additional help.


My hubby works outside of the house (I do too but I’m on maternity leave) when he comes home he helps clean, and he usually makes supper. He also helps with the kids. Just because he’s at work all day doesn’t mean he isn’t a parent when he gets home :woman_shrugging:

1 Like

When my husband goes out of town I expect him to come home and be a dad. Sometimes that means i get some quiet time. I maintain the house all week whether he is home or not and honestly if hes playing with the kids i am much more productive than if he helps

When my husband was still in the army he was always gone between trainings and deployments. I gave him a grace period to come home and unwind (how long depended on how long he was gone) and then he needed to help around the house and with the kids again after that adjustment/unwind period. I felt like it was more than fair since I work too and was the one home with the kids not getting help or a break/unwind period.

1 Like

I’m a SAHM and the primary parent, my husband has a civilian job and a military career that keeps him away late at night and away for weeks at a time not including deployments. When he is home he jumps right back in like he was there yesterday. I normally have all the chores and errands taken care of but he will wash dishes, do laundry and take out the trash if he sees it needs to be done. He will take the kids somewhere so he can bond with them and I can be alone to destress. It wasn’t like that in the beginning of our parenting journey but we have great communication and let the other know when we need something.

1 Like

My husband works outside 5 days a week and I am a RN on nights 3 days a week. When he comes home he helps with cleaning, cooking, taking care of our 3 years old and playing with him, and spends time with me. I am currently 7 months pregnant and he refuses to let me do any cleaning and most nights will send me to bed early (if he can see I’m struggling) while he finishes cleaning. Point is…he is a grown ass man who doesn’t make excuses and actually wants to be with his family and wants to help as much as he can. And on days when he is super tired I take over whatever is needed and let him go to bed early. It’s all about communication!

My husband drives 1600 miles a week and I have a full time job as well. We both still split everything. I can’t even really say split, we both just do what needs done :woman_shrugging:t3:

Dont ask any thing right away. Maybe a few hours later or the next day depending on what time of day or night. Kiss each other hello would be a good start and just let your partner relax and unwind a couple hours at least. Also offer a hot meal or shower time whatever he or she needs to recharge some energy

make a list and leave on the bench