So here’s a little back story on why I’m so upset. On May 15th, 2019, I lost my son at 34 weeks. I had a placental abruption that caused D.I.C and I had blood clots being sent to my kidneys. It caused me to go into stage 4 kidney failure. And I was devastated.
I’m currently 25 weeks along. And had my gender reveal yesterday. I’m having a girl. I’m crushed. Like I’m not really even happy about being pregnant anymore.
I feel guilty for feeling this way. This is my 4th pregnancy and I have no living children. I should just be happy that I have a chance to have another baby.
But I know that I had a horrible time growing up. I know how hard the world is when you’re a woman and all the scary things that could happen. I’m terrified.
I also have a real hard time connecting with women and I’m scared I’m not going to connect with my baby. I’m scared I’m not going to live up to what a mother should be with her. Beause of my own faults and shortcomings. I don’t know what to do. Or how to feel right now."
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