Me and my hubby have been together for ten years, and then going through his phone is still an issue? He always says I’m looking to find something, which isn’t true. I’m just nosey. But have found things in the past. Should I worry?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Is it an issue that I go though my husbands phone?
If your not happy leave seem like your trying to find an excuse to
Being noisy is looking to find something. Unless you really think he’s stepping out. Just stay out of the phone.
You need a hobby and some self esteem
After 10 years, if you haven’t found anything, and you’re still snooping, then yeah! You’re the problem…maybe insecurity? I know you said you found things in the past, so maybe you still have trust issues? And in that case, the fact you haven’t found anything shows you haven’t gotten over whatever it was you found in the past, so either, way, yeah. You’re the problem.
I wont go thru that… Love my man for being so transparent.
Seems like you’re looking for a way out hmmmmm stop snooping and leave
I’ve been with my husband for 17 years … we have the same password for our phones and I can pick up he’s phone anytime . There is never anything on it plain Jane boring lol
Seems your relationship is over already! No trust-no relationship
I don’t want to be with someone I have to constantly check behind.
I don’t think it’s right to look through a partners phone, they’re entitled to privacy.
Why??? If you aren’t looking for stuff why are you still going through his phone. ? That’s childish shit to be honest. And I would have an issue with it as well.
Yes. Nobody is faithful anymore, thanks to Social media.
If I ever felt the need to go through my wife’s phone there is already a serious problem. And if you’re just “nosy “ that should be something you should work on.
Yeah that’s unhealthy.
Um…. The fact you feel entitled to go through his private property is the issue. Married or not, if you’re not looking for anything why do you feel like it’s your right?? Sounds like a personal issue you have.
It’s not your phone you have no business going thru it. And yes being nosy means you’re trying to find something. If there’s no trust there’s nothing so either u start trusting him
Or you need to leave and spare both of y’all the pain of prolonging a relationship/marriage where there’s no trust in the end
This sounds exhausting
Yeah no, not cool. Leave his phone alone.
You already know the answer. You are just not ready to accept it yet.
If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship. What you’re doing by being “nosy” is proving you don’t trust him.
I used to do that but I have since then decided that since I’ve decided I’m going to trust my husband I need to do that 100%, which means I need to work on me and start learning how to trust and the only way to do that is by doing it trying it see how it works out plus even if there was something on there I definitely wouldn’t want to see it LOL he’s a guy what a guy is normally think about LOL
you should find a hobby. your being nosey is trying to look into someone’s private life even if there’s nothing to hide it’s annoying to not have anything to self.
HIS phone! Leave his phone alone. 10 years and you are going through his phone? This …I really have no words for. I think you have wasted 10 years of your life if you don’t trust the one you are with.
I think If you have to go through ur significant others phone, the relationship has no trust at all. Why be in the relationship/marriage if there’s no trust? It’s called being a psycho and you’re the problem. you have issues that clearly need to be resolved.
If you are to the point you don’t trust your partner enough to look at their phone just cut your losses and go.
We have free access to both our phones but not in 23 years ever felt the need to check in his phone.
All men have things we wont like. Rather not look.
Going through his phone isn’t a good idea unless you think he’s doing something wrong, also do you not trust him??? That would piss me off especially after 10 years! Does he go through yours? If so how do u feel?
He wouldn’t have such a problem with it if he didn’t have something to hide at a moments notice.
You shouldn’t feel the need to look through his phone. Do you trust him? Has he done something to deserve the mistrust?
you have a trust issues… obviously you can’t trust him…
You shouldnt have to.
Be careful; you might find something you don’t want to find. If l was him l would tell you to either quit or l would leave. Apparently you have trust issues
I don’t believe in privacy in marriage unless it’s to poop.
You all comment like you never look at your SO phone
Be a bit nicer
insecurities come and go
And doesn’t always come from not trusting your SO
Just because you are married doesn’t mean your partner is no longer entitled to privacy. Y’all need to grow up and stop being ridiculous
I go through my husbands phone. We’ve been married for 8 years. I know he’s not a cheater. I mostly do it because he doesn’t tell me shit lol. Like for example I’ve found out numerous times that we’re dog sitting my father in laws dog, and my husband didn’t tell me. I found through his texts lol.
If I ever feel the need to go through my hubbys phone, then I’m not in the right relationship… Has NEVER crossed my mind… And I’d be pissed if he went through mine (I have nothing to hide) simply because it means there is no trust. Everything done in the dark will eventually come to light anyway.
He deserves his privacy, just because your in a relationship doesn’t mean you lose all of your privacy, you wouldn’t like it If he did that to you, would you? You have to have trust in a relationship
You are snooping. That’s different from nosey. Apparently you don’t trust him.
if you’re still that insecure it’s time for you to leave
If you don’t trust him why stay married? Clearly there is an underlying issue. Have you been unfaithful? Perhaps looking for an excuse to leave
I wouldn’t worry about things in the past. I don’t think you should make this a habit, though. That being said I think it’s wonderful that he even allows it. I think it says he’s patient and understanding. I think anyone would be naturally curious but yeah you will likely find things you don’t like… try not to make it a huge deal if it’s not.
If they don’t want you to look at their phone there is a reason. Otherwise they wouldn’t care. I know this from experience of being in both types of relationships. To each their own, but I am all about significant others having free reign of each other’s phones. I think if your partner needs reassurance you give it to them no matter what that means.
Sounds like you might need to get some therapy. I’m saying that in the most humble way possible. Try to work on yourself cause clearly you still aren’t over it. Quit using the excuse that you’re just “bored” cause that is a lie. You’re really trying to find something. My husband will leave his phone laying around all the time, I am welcome to pick it up anytime. He cheated on me when we were together for 2 weeks… but I dont let that affect our marriage. You’re going to cause serious problems if you dont get help.
Depends on what you found in the past
If he’s messed up and you’ve found things you gave a right to look
He has to rebuild trust it’s his fault it was broken
The only reason I go through my husband’s phone is for old pictures of our family to send to myself, lol. We could swap phones anytime without any tension.
It’s an issue. Stop it.
I think having a the password says enough.
My partner and I have our phones locked down because of work protocols. None the less I can get into his if needed and him mine.
Never do. His engineering stuff means nothing to me and my buildings mean nothing to him.
Trust is huge!
I believe that we shouldn’t be going through our partners phones (even if we dont trust them) at the end of the day thats their privacy. If i don’t fully trust my partner i still never check his phone. Is there a reason your feeling the need to check his phone?
In my opinion there is nothing wrong with going through each other’s phone. Y’all are one because of marriage. There is no such thing as privacy in a marriage. You are his privacy and he is yours. Y’all give 100% to each other on EVERYTHING including passcodes on cell phones. There should not be an issue on going through his phone if he is not doing nothing wrong. It is a nice feeling when my man hands me his phone and tells me to look for a business file or something important because he can’t multitask while him being busy on other things. And I don’t have to ask him for his passcode every time because I know it.
It’s an invasion of both your husband’s privacy and of the people he’s having text/email conversations with.
My husband and I have been together for almost 10yrs. I xo not go though his phone. We both have passwords and they are the same incase we need to use each other’s phone… but I like to have my privacy and respect his.
Why are you parenting your husband?
I used my husbands phone ONCE to look something up, & found out he was watching porn. I’ll NEVER use his phone again lol. Just end up getting my feelings hurt
Me and my hubby knows each other’s passwords.he can look at my phone anytime I have nothing to hide . Same for him I could to . But it’s about trust . Unless you have some feeling something is not right as to why you wanna look. But at same time if you have a feeling. More than likely he’s doing something… but if it’s cause you have trust issues. Than you might need to deal with that . Has he given you a reason to not trust him . If not than let it go people do deserve privacy . Just cause your in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to know everything and be in his phone and control everything. Because if a man is gonna do something like cheat . He doesn’t need a phone to do it .
Ew. You’re grown, in a 10 year relationship, and you still go through his phone? He deserves his privacy.
If you are looking for something, you will find it.
I’ve only ever look at my boyfriend’s messages if I’m using it at one pops up and I’ll just tell him what it says. To me going through someone’s phone is like going through their wallet or purse. It’s an invasion of privacy and if you feel like you need to snoop or “be nosey” then it might be time to reevaluate your relationship
It’s beyond rude……i don’t care who he is to you…get some counseling
I would guess if you found something in the past that you don’t have a lot of trust for him–either leave or stop looking is what I would do–if there is no trust is it worth it?
I do the same and we been together 10 yrs ive also found shit and he was stupid enough to believe me when i said he could f#ck a friend after my sister died and there would be no way i would mean it ge failed then he got a b from some obe else lied and i knew and found out for dure still lying about a getting a b from someone else but i know its a shitshow so i understand
I personally think it’s a breach of privacy I wouldn’t want my partner reading all my private convos with friends. And same with him I’ll bet.
I’m big on honesty and once someone lies… That’s pretty much it for me. Trust gone. But privacy is a thing and doesn’t mean your hiding anything. How is a friend meant to have a confidential conversation with you if you partner is going to go thru and read it?
If you’ve found things in the past, subconsciously now, you are trying to find something. From personal experience there’s a lack of trust!
I have nothing to hide. Still I don’t want someone in my phone. I could hand my bf my phone anytime but I don’t want him sitting down going through every crack and crevice. It’s my privacy.
He’s my password and I have his. To my knowledge we don’t check each other’s phones. We know there’s nothing to hide. Been together 10 years and married 6 coming.
I never go thru my husbands phone … I’m not insecure like that. He already knows what time it is with me.
It’s an issue. I will never understand why people think because you are married or dating someone they are not entitled to privacy.
Nosey about what How often does the snooping happen? Its sounds like your insecure because of things you found in the past and i would be too no judgment here. I think you need to work on trusting him more so you can be in a better space in your relationship:heart: take it a day at a time cause it’s not fun living that way
Looking to find something and being nosey is like the same thing. You 100% are looking for something or there would be zero reason lol
I don’t think that you should be doing that after 10 years together unless you suspect something is up
You go through someones phone you will always find something … It could be nothing but still pisses you off. I advise against it. I have an unlocked phone, and his is locked. I would rather see Jesus than go through his phone.
It sounds like your already worried
It’s one thing to use his phone or even answer the phone if you see it’s a call he needs to take. It’s another to snoop through his phone. You’re asking for problems in your relationship. It’s an invasion of privacy.
I have never gone through anyone’s phone, if my man’s phone is on the bed and it goes off I tell him who it is, I have the code to his phone but I don’t go through it. Unless he gave me a reason too, and even then I would TALK to him about my concerns first
Married 32 years and I’ve never gone through my husbands phone!
I never thought to go thru my husband’s wallet, anything he has is his personal stuff as was mine. If you can’t trust your spouse get the fuck out of the marriage.
I’ve never once gone through my husbands phone. I could if I wanted but I trust him and wouldn’t do that. You don’t trust your husband obviously so why even be with him?
I have never looked thru my husband’s phone…he’s never looked thru mine either. No reason to
Don’t go through his phone. Respect and privacy! If your nosey, that’s your issue not his.
I don’t have a reason not to trust my husband but I have trauma and distrust and shitty mental health sometimes. And he knows it and his phone in my phone are open to each other if need be. He has never once looked through mine or had any doubts, he is much more stable. This is an open book but I rarely have ever looked for anything. I accidentally stumbled on a whole bunch of shit last month and now I’m fighting the urge to look again because he promised I wouldn’t find anymore. I don’t want to live that way so I’m just embracing him and leaning away from looking at that damn thing. It feeds my anxiety.
You have to just choose to trust him. If you aren’t trying to find something, you wouldn’t be looking.
Me and my soon to be husband have a lock free relationship. For us snooping (without the others knowledge) is a problem yes but asking or just doing it while sitting next to each other no problem. We have both had our problems in the past (early in our relationship) and it makes us both more comfortable this way
Me and my husband don’t go through each other’s phones but we know each other’s passwords
Tell me you have trust issues without telling me you have trust issues.
I never go through my husband’s phone and he doesn’t go through mine. It is a trust thing
Don’t go through his phone. It’s disrespectful and dishonest. If you suspect something talk to him, if you don’t keep out of his things
Yikes. Everyone deserves privacy, no matter what the relationship status is. If you feel the need to go through his phone especially after 10 years together, you need to figure out what is causing you to do that & solve it. I personally do not go through my man’s phone & I do not want him going through mine, it has nothing to do with cheating but me & my friends share private conversations. We vent to each other, have girl talk & just talk about life. Certain things aren’t his business, just like certain things aren’t mine.
You don’t need to be nosy. GIVE THE MAN SOME PRIVACY!! Do you want him all up in your business???
I would never want to be in a relationship where I wanted to look through a man’s phone. If you don’t trust him after 10 years, you may want to reevaluate your relationship.
Break up. If you can’t keep yourself out of his phone then you’re not solid enough to be together.
Alot of people lying on here saying they never went through a man’s phone please!!! You have every right to feel the way you do…if he cannot even trust you just for a minute to take a look then it’s time to move on!!! Once a cheater always a cheaterv
I’ve been with my husband 7 years. Never have I felt the need to go through his phone.
If you have to go through his phone the relationship is over. Theres no trust.
It means you don’t trust him, which i can’t blame you for since you have found things in the past… depending what those things were. But i think searching each others phones is basically a relationship without trust.
Lol no trust. Being nosey is a ridiculous excuse. Yes its an issue.
Either trust him or leave. You’re not entitled to disrespect his boundaries. If you can’t trust him, don’t be with him. If you choose to stay, leave his phone alone. He may talk to a friend about something that you don’t have business knowing about.
There’s so much he can do to hide things from u. There’s vanish mode for messaging, There’s secret mode for web browser which he can log into any of his accounts and do whatever on. There’s deleting messages instead of the whole convo to make it look innocent. There is also saving numbers with names u would know and not suspect to take second look at. Just because u can’t find anything doesn’t mean there wasn’t anything there. Girl he knows ur snooping for shit and he ain’t guna show u the truth. Obviously u don’t trust him and it’s been 10 years why not just leave. It’s a waste of ur time and it ain’t healthy. Your ruining ur relationship by snooping and it’s not good for ur mental health either. Find someone that u won’t look thru their phone.