Is it normal for a dad to not help with the kids after getting off work?

is it normal and okay for a father to not help with the kids because he works and you “Just stay at home all day”?

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It’s not normal in my marriage. We’re both working, I’m just not getting paid. When I’m home without him, I do what needs to done. When he’s home alone, he does what needs to be done. When we’re both home, we work as a team. No one gets a pass because they get a paycheck. We all live here.

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To each their own. I think this is a mutual agreement not a right. I lost my job because of covid so now I’m a stay at home mom while my husband works 8-10 hour days. He still comes home and helps me with cooking and/or the kids (10, 2 & 1 yo). But I also understand some days he gets home later or very tired and I hustle to get things done so he can have a night off.

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It’s common, but not ok.
If mom stays home and dad works outside of the home, then dad should get a little time to decompress after work and then he needs to get off his ass and participate in his kids lives!! You didn’t make these kids alone and you shouldn’t have to care for them alone either!

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I don’t work my husband does, when our children were babies he worked a very physical job, he was part of a small 2 man logging crew, so he really couldn’t help much but did what he could when he could willingly by the time they hit school age he had a office job and I was working so we split up the evening chores baths were usually him and I did dinner. Now they are in high school and I no longer work so I do most of the driving shopping meals etc. I don’t really mind now, when they were small if was literally never ending and it was hard we made it through because he’s always willing to help when I ask. We are a team in everything and we decide what works for us all together always

I usually try to feed my boyfriend after he gets off, let him shower and change before i hand responsibility over. I worked hard all day being a mom, yes. But he worked hard all day providing for us.

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Yes and no. I think it is normal for a person to come home from work and want some peace and quiet for a bit to relax and unwind. However, it goes both way. You have to be given an opportunity to relax and unwind also. Both parents have to be upfront (but nonconfrontational) with the other about what they want and need. If you both have to sit down and schedule time off, then do it. Or make a schedule a time where you can leave the house and he takes care of the children and vice versa. You two need to figure out a routine that works for both of you. Google some suggestions. Read some books but most importantly, don’t view this as a “you against me” situation. It isn’t you against him. It is you as a couple against everything else. If you work as a couple, it gets easier. Not perfect, just a little easier.

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Uhhhhm no. It’s not ok, and it shouldn’t be normal. It is one thing to give 30 minutes to wind down and get in “parent mode”, but after that it should be all hands on deck🤷🏼‍♀️ I have been the working parent and the sahm, both are exhausting in their own way. And yes my jobs have always been physically and mentally demanding. Being a parent doesn’t have work day hours, it is 24/7/365.

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No that isn’t acceptable, and if you allow that it’ll continue. He needs to be just as hands on as you are, you two went half and half on them, not just you. You’re not asking him to clean the home and cook when he comes home, you’re concerned about him not being a DAD. People need to stop having kids if they don’t plan to help raise them :woman_shrugging:t2:.

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ABSOLUTELY NOT OK!!! Your workday was done during the day while you were home taking care of the kids and keeping the house. His workday was done when he got off from his job. Evening and night time parenting responsibilities should be split 100% of the time!!!

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I’m a bit of a traditionalist, I take care of the house and kids and homeschool my kids and my husband goes to work… now on his days off he’s pretty much all in with the kids and stuff… and he hangs out with them after work, but doesn’t really discipline or anything… I’m fine with it this way. In fact, I pretty much set the tone to be this… he works, I do EVERYTHING else! If I need help, he will help without problem though…

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I work and take care of my kids. My husband helps out on the weekends. I take my kids to daycare in the mornings on my way to work (I have 2 babies), he picks them up in the late afternoon and spends some one on one time with them until I get home. As soon as I get home I cook dinner and kids eat. I get them bathed and ready for bed and then I put them down for the night. I get like a 20 minute break after I put babies down to bed so I can eat and then I do my nighttime ritual before bed. It’s a lot of work but that’s our family plan.

Every family is a little bit different and has different circumstances, but it isn’t fair for him to never be involved.

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Depends on the man. When we do stay home we do everything. If you want him to help, just tell him what you need. Unfortunately they need to be told and don’t just do.

I always tell my kids to leave daddy alone when he first gets home so he has a little time to wind down from his day. He takes a few mins or plays his football game and then does his thing with the kids. I don’t expect him to walk in the door and boom, hear me say to do this or do that for that kids. He works just as hard as me and deserves his little break when he walks in the door. He also gives me breaks too. It’s all about compromise.

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You need to know more specifics, and it is what works for each couple. I work a full time job, two part time jobs, and manage rentals. I do all this to provide for my family. My wife is a teacher, which she wanted to be. She manages the house. If someone needs some discipline, she calls in the big guns. It works for us.

Nope! My husband is amazing about helping out even after working 12-14hour days. You need to talk to him about it and tell him he has a time to be off work, you should too. It’s nonsense for you to do everything all day.

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I think many dads but not all have the attitude that they’re working outside of the house so they don’t have to do anything in the house .

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No, it is not. My husband believes that it is most important to play with the kids at night after work.

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My husband stays home, I work. When my work day is over, I take care of the kids, homework, baths, dinner…

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