Is it normal for MILs to just show up all the time?

Is anyone in a situation where their mother in law comes to visit every month, sometimes multiple times a month, and you have absolutely no say? Is this normal? Expected? First time experiencing an overbearing mil, which is very intrusive and questions absolutely everything when she comes…be it our lifestyle, the kids, how isolated we are (we are introverts and are ok with that) I am constantly at odds with s/o bc he feels it isn’t his place to tell her no or place limits. She has come five times in the past three months…with a stay of 2 weeks or so each time. Eta: she has a lot of emotional issues and is very hard to handle. I know we all have our issues, but it literally seems impossible as every day you never know what may happen to trigger her…just wanted to see if anyone else experiences the same…if this is expected, how do you deal? Just looking for any advice on maybe how to handle it…

9 Likes

I wish my MIL cared that much

2 Likes

My mum Donna Ngamotu - so my partners mother in law visits every single day sometimes 2 or 3 times a day :joy::joy:

1 Like

My MIL would just walk in my house when I was napping with my son

1 Like

I wish we had a MIL to nag us. You can always be mutual and speak to her about maybe coming once a week and to atleast let you know.

I stopped answering the door. It worked for a little while.
Then she started to call so I would just follow with saying its not a good time right now and just repeated myself no matter how many times I was asked. :slight_smile:

2 Likes

You need to set boundaries. My ex parents in law showed up everyday postpartum to do nothing but see the baby and want to visit, not helpful and super stressful( and they didn’t feel comfortable with me breastfeeding, so I had to go to another room in my own house). Set boundaries! You are the parent now.

11 Likes

You had me until the stay 2 weeks at a time. Uh screw that. Set some limits girl

17 Likes

I wish mines would and come watch these kids lol :joy:

2 Likes

Visiting for the day, okay. Maybe visiting for a weekend a month. But staying 2 weeks all the time, no way. I’d probably start leaving when she showed up. Lol, I don’t want to see anyone that much.

8 Likes

Doesn’t seem normal to me. Very overbearing. It’s GREAT to have a MIL wanting to be so involved, and I’m sure she just cares…but that doesn’t mean she should be able to throw her weight around with a grown adult. But time to grab hold of the situation and set expectations once you and SO get on the same page about it.
My MIL was a bit overbearing when we were first married, and she and my FIL would show up announced quite often. I think she just didn’t think about the fact her son had his own family, and routines and expectations had naturally changed.
After a chat about how we liked when they would come visit, but we needed them to give us some warning to ensure we were actually home, or didn’t have something else going on, and one incident where they drove up to see us and we WEREN’T home-that behavior stopped. We still saw them regularly, but it was much more pleasant.
In terms of trying to dictate ANYTHING with your little family, that’s not her place and she needs to be told that and shut down. The longer you let it go on, the worse it will be. My hubby had to "remind " her a few times, and one time she didn’t speak to us for weeks…but we’ve had a great relationship with her for 10 years now. She just needed to be kind of trained that her son was no longer a child, and he had his own family, so things would be different now that he was an adult with his own family to care for.

4 Likes

If ANY family member intends to come over for an extended period of time then it should be planned and announced. This is not normal.

12 Likes

Saw a door mat that read " but did you call first." Nuf said.

7 Likes

hell no thats way too much

2 Likes

My family is like that and i wouldnt have it any other way… they drop in whenever and visit. Family is important.

7 Likes

These comments are absurd. Does nobody know what boundaries are anymore?! I would never allow anyone in my home unwanted and I don’t think that’s wrong in the least

18 Likes

I absolutely hate when people show up unannounced! I told my s/o that he needed to say something to his mother, he’s always had a hard time with boundaries. She’s very toxic and finally after 8 years he has set boundaries. Now that we don’t give into her when she only wants to come around when she needs something we haven’t heard from her in months.

5 Likes

Okay I was kinda okay with it until our told us how long she stays at a time. No way anyone is about to show up for that long, it’s disrespectful, and on top of that make you feel uncomfortable about your life choices. TelL hubby to Man up or you’re just going to have to for your happiness. She can visit but not unannounced and she is not about to stay that long

4 Likes

So she’s been there 2.5 out of the last 3 months? Absurd. She just needs to move there so she can visit and GO HOME. Lol. Doesn’t seem she ever leaves. Nope.

2 Likes

Pft :rofl:
My mom didn’t tell me she had other kids
:raising_hand_woman:t2::joy::woman_facepalming:t2:

2 Likes